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Hi all, yes I am expected to stick my head in the alcoholic sandbox again, last saturday, my youngest son got into an altercation with another boy and bloodied his nose after being hit in the stomach. No not the end of it, the boy's parents are baying for more blood, and are preparing to make this a whole lot worse. My ex-A is all for leaving it to him, that means getting what he thinks are his policemen buddies to deal with it and God forbid seeking legal advice, this is the pissed up alcholic sandbox thinking I was expected to buy. I am going to seek legal advice, the amount of defamation by these people is appalling, and I have learned through this programme not to react, thank you all for that, Incidentally, my son of 13 was not supposed to be out of the house at this time and directly disobeyed my instructions, we are learning the hard way but I feel it could be a valuable lesson from my HP. I would welcome any experiences you might have had with wayward behaviour from adolescents and please say a prayer for me,
Do what you have to do to make the situation right. Say what you mean, mean what you say but don't say it mean. This is definately a lesson from you HP. I had many problems when my youngest son was that age. My esh for you would be to just be consistant in your decision making. I do believe that is where I went wrong. In fact, my now 31 year old son has even told me that he knew that if he just kept pushing my buttons that I would eventually cave.
My son is 13 years old too. And he has always been the subject of bullying at school. All the way back to the 3rd grade I think. It turned him into this angry kid who thought he had to prove to everyone that he was tough and could take on the world all by himself. He was constantly getting into some sort of trouble in school and on the bus. At the end of the 6th grade, literally the last 2 weeks of school, he got out of school suspension for fighting. His side of the story was he was standing up for another boy who was getting bullied and that boy backed his story up....it didn't matter to the princepal of the school. They have a Zero Tolerance Policy and kicked him out anyway. Then in Jan of the 7th grade year, he took a pocket knife to school. Dummy. He showed it to some boys and someone turned him in saying he had threatened them with it. He said that is not true but who knows. Irregardless, he was kicked out of school and not permitted back. I had to enroll him in another school and deal w/the police and the Board of Student Conduct. What a mess. Luckily none of the other boys parents' got involved in this as I think they knew their boys were not exactly innocent either and didn't want them to get into any more trouble.
It was a trying time for me. I had just found out from my husband that he was using crack. He had lost his job at the same time my some was expelled from school. They both got to sit at home for a month while I trucked it off to work. But you know what, we made it through those times. My son has had a fabulous year in school this year. He has really matured (I owe this to the wonderful Martial Arts establishment I enrolled him in).
You will get through this too. Try to be open and honest w/your son and most of all, understanding. As far as the other parents' go, fight them tooth and nail to protect your son. In doing this though, be sure to allow your son to suffer some consequences of his actions so he can learn from his mistakes.....but just don't let it ruin his life. Or yours.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Good Luck. Sincerely, QOD
Just a thought.... is this yours to fix?? Your son is 13, and needs to have consequences for his choices and behaviors, like we all do. I'm not sure it is the healthiest thing for you to try and "fix it all" for him?? He won't likely get into all that much serious trouble from a fight, but perhaps he needs to bear these consequences??
Just a thought Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Well I can relate to being fed up with the A's thinking. The way the A thinks is to fight or to retreat. He never considers his options. I can imagine that it must be infuriating to deal with a child's problems with an A. I am sorry you have to do that. I am glad that you have this group to come to. Many many times a day I consider that really I am on on my own. The A is not there to fall back on as I would need in a relationship. If he is there, its to benefit him not me.
