The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My situation with my AH has gotten worse and I am divorcing him.
If I see a lawyer and get legally separated can I make him leave?
I have just had it. Last night he was stuck in a snow bank and I went to help him(yes, I know I should have left him there) and he was stewed. He did not even get out of the car to help me. He agreed to get into my car, but when I got his car out of the snow bank and got out to check the parking, he jumped into the car and almost ran me over, to be honest if I did not move, I would have been hit, then when he got home he drove the car into the pile of snow in the front of the driveway and kept spinning the wheels,as if he could get this car over the mound of snow. I had to park my car with my 10 year old son in it in my neighbor's driveway to keep him off the road and safe ,then I opened the AH's car door and took the keys, told him to get into the house and moved the car into the driveway. In the meantime my neighbor came out b/cwas in the driveway and said he was coming out to help me with "him". I am actually happy to have a real outside witness to his madness. AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH.My only regret here is staying this long, rehab, AA, counsiling, nothing has worked. All his stars were aligned, he started a new job ECT. ECt. but threw it all away- did I mention he got fired today-told me the company was not making enough money and let him go- he was there six weeks-I found the urine test paper in his car just before- they must have tested him at work and fired him. The kicker is, I had already decided I had had enough last nite, and prayed that this was the right decision b/c I knew he would not work if we were apart,and I do have two kids in college so $'s an issue(LOL) and I really feel in my heart of hearts that God stepped in and removed that hurdle so I wouldn't second guess it-again.
Please, I will see a lawyer, but if you have any experience getting separated and getting your A/spouse out, or eventually getting them out, I would appreciated it. Or if none just some shout outs, I need it tonight.
have you told him you want him out? i know i told my ah many times so when i was really serious he didn't believe me. i left. i'm not sure of any legalities. you sound pretty settled with your decision. that is how i felt when i finally knew in my heart that i was ready to let go. didn't make it any less sad or disappointing. you are strong. i know that because you are here. good luck, much love and one day at a time......
I really don't have any ESH, but I just wanted to let you know I am sorry you are going through all this.
I did go through a divorce, (20 yrs ago) but I left instead of him ..... and of course he ended up selling and/or giving away all mine and the kids stuff ...so, I'm sure how I did it was not right, but I don't know all the legalities.
I just want you to know that I care and am thinking of you and praying for you.
I sent you a private message regarding your post. I hope you will find it helpful and supportive. It's great that you've found this site. It's a great place to get the support you will need. The people in here are wonderful and really care about everyone.
In the state I come from, you can only get a legal separation if your spouse agrees to it. I do not understand that at all but I recall having to go through that with my ex-A. You should just get a consultation from a lawyer. And as for getting your A to leave in the meantime, maybe you could just tell him instead of asking him to leave and see what he does. If he doesn't leave you might be able to find it inself to totally ignore him - at least as far as you can. That would include leaving him to find his own way out of a snow drift! Just keep an imaginary line between the two of you until something else works out. You may decided you are the one who has to leave ( in that case, your kids will probably qualify for schoarships or higher loan amounts). You can devise a " plan B". Who knows how it will out? I wish you well at this rotten time. I know how you feel!....jaja
I am sorry to hear this and I relate to what you shared.
My concern is – well to be honest, he sounds as if he may have an anger issue or temper. Are you safe?
I once walked on eggshells daily.
I had to leave with our young child, I let him have the house. He would not leave. I did start legal action first tho so all was in place once I did make the move.
Hi Evey, I finally took all I could take from my AH and I moved out of the house. You probably do have to talk to a lawyer about how to get him out. It might come down to calling the police to remove him from the house and be there while he packs his things. I tried everything with my AH and nothing worked. He never even admitted that he had a drinking problem and said I'm "just trying to change him". He almost ran me over once too after I confronted him in a bar and he stumbled out the door, got into his truck and took off like a madman while I was crossing the street. If I hadn't seen him coming, he would've hit me!! I have moments where I miss mine, but I know things will change. I'm seeing someone else now and it's nice to see that there are men who can drink socially without getting rip roaring drunk. Good luck with your divorce. In my case, I'm not regretting a thing. THink about your ten year old son. My focus is on my eight year old son and not some falling down drunk. Life is good!
I am in the midst of the separation/divorce and it is HARD. My wife is wrapped up in her A attitude, and it has taken me a lot of prayer and strength from HP to make it through. Legally, the best advice is to go talk with a lawyer. Explain the WHOLE situation to yourself beforehand, as that may temper the resentments. (the resentments are where i do my hardest work)
I wish you much love and fellowship, and courage to make the changes you need to follow your path. cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Thak you all for your support, I am not that strong right now and it helps to know there is somebody out there who really knows what I am going through. To be honest, I'm petrified. My son is away for the weekend but I do not think I am going to let him witness his fathers drunkness anymore. That has to be my focus, protecting him. I think I will ask my cousin if we can stay there for awhile.
I ASKED MY HUSBAND TO LEAVE MANY TIMES AND HE IGNORED ME IN THE END I PACKED THE KIDS UP AND LEFT MYSELF I LEFT WITH NOTHING BUT AT LEAST ME AND MY KIDS ARE SAFE NOW THAT WAS FOUR MONTHS AGO AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE IS NOT DOING IT SOONER!!
