I think for one thing it would be good to sit down with some paper and write out why specifically you wanted your family to be able to have access to you to begin with--was it because you felt guilty for being employed for so long? was it because you felt as if you should have been availible for certain things and you weren't? write out, throughly, why you felt you needed to have your family have such access to you. Then, once that is made clear, write out where it is that things have gone awry--is it that your daughter in law doesn't call? is it that she makes unreasonable expectations? is it that you're feeling like you're being taken advantage of?
 After fully looking at the chain of events, see how the situation can be amended. IS there an al anon in the morning or after noon that you can go to? Is there a time in the morning or afternoon that the local central office could use an extra pair of hands to help with the minutae of daily life? is there a woman's shelter that could use an al anon meeting, that you and couple of other folks could bring? by involving yourself in the "real world" your self esteem will improve as will your desire to "fully participate in the world." It will also give you courage to set boundries with DIL--you are now active within your community and cannot be availible to every whim and need