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Hi all, just wanted to share. I did have the restraining order served on him. I talked to the motel worker and found that the night he was arrested was the 2nd night he had been there with that girl. Then later I talked to the cop who arrested him and he said that they had been seeing eachother for several weeks. So all that talk about are we going to get back together and he was gonna move on was just BS, he had already been seeing this girl. That stung. The cop said that she had hand marks around her neck and the only reason he doesn't have a rape charge is because she refused to do the kit at the hospital. I find it strange because I have never known him to hurt a woman but then I would never allow him around me when he was drunk. This of course made me wonder since it looked like the start of a runner - what he was doing when he would disappear for days in the past. Probably out screwing some girl in a motel and getting drunk and high. I let this get me down for one night and woke up feeling better in the morning. He's still sitting in jail because he can't get anyone to sign for $1000 bond and pay $150 even out of his money. That's so pitifully sad to me but I guess he has earned it!! LOL
I hate to say it, but I am taking joy in his misery and I feel absolutely NO guilt. You know how in alanon they say if it doesn't benefit you don't do it and about not being mean??? Well what if being mean benefits you? Makes you feel better? If I could add to his time in jail I would surely do it just to spite him and not feel an inkling of guilt!
You go girl!!! You are not being mean to him. You are just being good to yourself. That is the best way to think of it. You are being good to yourself and it is about time. Don't think about him sitting in jail unless it makes you feel better. Quite frankly, I find it easier to ignore the A when he is not around. Good Luck. We are here for you. Sincerely, QOD
I second that. It is a lot easier to focus on yourself, without them around.
It took me TOO long to realize that I am who I am (caring, dependable, faithful) because of who I am, NOT because who I was in a relationship with. It is sad for me to realize, as well, that my A boyfriend is who he is because of who he is and NOT because of ME! I hope that made sense. It is such a new concept for me that I have to keep remembering it.
I'm glad you didn't beat yourself up to much. You deserve happiness, his drama is his drama.
Now I just have to apply this to myself. The hard part!
I don't know of anyone that doesn't enjoy watching someone get their "just desserts." But in this case, CG, I'd put this whole incedent on your gratitude list: it seems god is doing for you what you can't do for yourself and showing you who your ex is in real time with real skin. Let him sit in jail. Thank god he's there. He might get drunk and come after you or the kids. Let a power greater than him, alcholism, or you take care of him and hold his feet to the fire. Maybe he'll feel humbled; maybe not. But if nothing else, he's in a controlled and supervised environs where he'll be held accountable for raising his eyebrows at a guard.
Intrigue is something that I've really had to acknowledge around the A. For me its always been that he lied and then I was desperate and compulsive to know what it really was.
Nowadays I just accept he lies and intrigues. The latest is he is up and ready to go. Of course with my truck in tow. I just ride that one out. Sometimes it is very hard not to speak out in utter frustration at his intriguing and never being straight about anything ever.
I know its a hook and i can pick it up or look at it. I also know that in some ways as long as I am involved with the A its there. That's part of my life.
I wish you luck peace and serenity in separating out. Sometimes I think anger is what motivates me most. Other times I feel exhausted and sick with resentment or fed up of dodging his projections. I also get very very tired of the chaos. One minute up next down. I will say one thing for A's they are very very resilient. They come back from the gutter pretty quickly. I can too. I can pick myself up and keep going.
Your reslience and determination to live a life regardless of what the A does is impressive.
Thank you for the inspiration. I need it in the day to day struggle of living around someone who is so destructive.
