The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
Each day is a new start. Each moment is a beginning. We do not have to wait until Monday to get back on the program or clean a closet or tackle a difficult report. We do not have to wait until tomorrow morning, either. Now is the moment to stop, to make a phone call, to begin whatever project we have been putting off.
There is no way we can change what we did five minutes ago, nor can we predict what will happen half an hour from now. We can only deal with now.
By doing what needs to be done right now, we make the most of each present moment. As long as we are alive, we are always free to begin again. Instead of following an old, worn out habit, make a fresh start this moment on the rest of your life.
Give me grace. Lord, to begin again.
Sometimes, I wonder if I've done too much, said too much, been too much. Anytime I get into these positions, its hard not to beat myself up. I begin obsessing about what others think of me, forgetting it's none of my business to begin with. I seem to feel as if that, rather than just trusting my gut that most people are interested in seeing me as I really am than some phony, by putting up some front I can control what others think of me. I then remember back when I tried, quite consistently, to control what others thought of me. I would put all my garbage out there within the first few times of meeting a person, thinking it was better that you knew my dark side than having my heart broken later when you did find out my dark side. Or, believing it was better that you expect my parents to do their thing, I just said up front what was going on behind closed doors. I didn't even try to let you get to know me. Today, all day, was the interviewing for the Resident Advisory positions here in the university. When asked "What's your biggest insecurity?" I said exactly that: that when you look at me, you see my parents and not me. It still doesn't occur to me that not everyone knows my story; it doesn't occur to me that my parents are their own unique entity. That's how it was clear through high school: people knew my parents, but not too much about me, other than "the bad things." It was interesting, then, when someone in the group said "Yeah, I noticed to seem to, like, explain yourself, always." This, too, didn't surprise me: having been "the weird kid" my whole life (I'm explaining again! ) I came to believe (and now am having the darndest time breaking the habit) that if I could just get you to understand what I'm thinking, you'll understand. It was also interesting when it came to "starting over:" many times in the "teamwork" portions of the interviews, our group had to revise our original concepts, throw out the original concepts, or, when it was all smooth runnings, see the project to a successful end without loose ends. It's good to know that we have "no due dates" in Al anon; by being a "work in progress" I can reassure myself, and be reassured, that people walking this earth are doing what they need to do and are where they need to be in their personal growth. I can also sigh in relief knowing that my best is good enough and that it's okay that I'm no saint; I've come to realize that when I was trying to be perfect, and avoiding being human, I put on more stress than if I just gave up and let myself make mistakes and start all over.
Man, can I relate. You could have been writing about me in terms of explaining things, so that others will understand. I do that to the point of obssessing and worrying about what others think of my actions or choice of words. What a waste of my time and energy! I wish someone would just smack me and say, "who cares - relax". Things seem to fall into place whether I am obssessing or not, so why not enjoy the moment like everyone seems to easily do. This is something I have only recently become aware of. So far, I usually am aware of it after the fact, when I am reexamining my day. Something I want to work on because who needs to add to the stress of your life? I sure suck at loving myself. Definately something to work on!
Hi tiger , I was told to spell NOW backwards , and when I was living in the NOW I had Won . loved it . Today i do just that . The past is history , tomorrow a mystery. Louise
) I came to believe (and now am having the darndest time breaking the habit) that if I could just get you to understand what I'm thinking, you'll understand. It was also interesting when it came to "starting over:" many times in the "teamwork" portions of the interviews, our group had to revise our original concepts, throw out the original concepts, or, when it was all smooth runnings, see the project to a successful end without loose ends. 