I haven't been on the board lately, a lot of ppl don't know me or my story, maybe my thoughts were jumbled or didn't express myself very clearly.
   I wrote the last thread after reading some ppl talking about whether addiction is a disease or not.  My Al-Anon pamphlets all tell me it is a disease.  It is a mental compulsion, sure for lots of A's I suppose their drug/drinking is a symptom for them.  We are all different.

I am ACOA, so for me I grew up to emotionally support & enable others, in turn neglecting my own emotions - I was a numb void.  If my mom was upset, I could feel it telepathically & I'd immediately be drawn to do anything I could to make her feel better.  

I have alcoholics/addicts in my family tree, also depression & other 'mental illnesses' run in the family as well.  Yes, I have been codie & sick over my mother, it is something I am working on, still. 
   When I wrote, 'I think we are more sick than the A's are' & 'we have a love disease' is only b/c that's how I perceive it.  For a while I was jealous of the A's, their 'problem' or wtvr anyone wants to call it, is straight forward...  they want to stuff their feelings, so they compulsively use to be numb & not deal, to wake up & have to do it all over again, just a little more b/c their tolerance goes up, so goes the vicious cycle, a slow suicide.

I don't like the feeling that I have to defend myself, so I'm trying to clarify what I wrote. 

I do feel like being ACOA, I have different issues, of course I realize many A's are adult children of alcoholics/addicts as well.

Truly, who cares who's sicker than anyone else, all I know after finding al-anon @ 17, now going on 39, I've been depressed & plagued w/ suicidal ideations over 25 yrs. 
   If anyone knows the book 12 Steps for ACOA's - I've exhibited every one of the emotions/reactions listed in ch 4, seriously, at one time or another, it was all me.  Lots of codependent issues! 
   I don't blame my mother, in fact I am grateful to her. In all this growth & therapy, I feel good about myself & in general I've been doing excellently as of late. Everything in life is one step to the other.
  
I can only help myself, change myself, control myself. I have no control over anything else.  Today I choose to love myself.

Again my al-anon pamhlets call addiction a disease, so we don't hate on them, they can't control it, it's a compulsion and it is a family disease, effecting everyone. 

I'd never make light of any disease & wouldn't compare addiction to cancer only insofar as, 'if a family member had cancer, you wouldn't stop loving them' like we are tempted to do when we first find Al-Anon...  we all come in wanting to 'fix' our loved one, when all we can do is fix ourselves.

Disease or not, refer to your pamphlets.  I'll end this post by giving the definition of disease from a Medical Dictionary (Harper Collins)...
 
disease - Any abnormal condition, affecting either the whole body or any of its parts, which impairs normal functioning.

In terms of what kind of disease alcoholism or addiction is, IMHO, I'd classify it as: congenital, hereditary, systemic, mental & organic.

take what u like & leave the rest!  Hope that made more sense, I was trying to reach out to some new to the Program, I apologize if I upset anyone.  I can honestly say, I have been one of the most screwed up people I've ever known & I've been working on emotional, mental balance most of my life.  Depression is so elusive & horrible, I couldn't imagine being addicted too, I feel like the depression is enough for me to deal with!

Hope everyone is well.