The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been a little while since I have been here. I have been sorting through all of the events that have been happening since December. So a little update.
I went back to my home because hub said he would pay the bills and leave me alone. Should have known better. He was back sweet talking within days. Talks of sobriety and getting his life together. He was making all these great plans for the future. I told him that for his own health and safety that these plans were true and would come to be. I also told him I had enough of my own problems to work through and that while I would support him in his wanting to be a better person I was putting myself first. Our relationship or lack there of would have to wait. He was sober for a while, went through an awful detox without medical help that scared him and me. Honestly though I never really got my hopes up. Good thing too, they would only have been crushed again. It didn't bother me that he started drinking again this time. Detached with all the love I could muster I set about taking care of my kids and myself, planning for our future. Now we are separated again and I am back at my dad's house. My son will start his new school on Monday and I will start looking for a place to live in the next week. I will not have much to move from my old home as just about everything in it is now destroyed from an alcoholic/meth rage. Thank God we got out in time before my kids or I were hurt. The only thing he didn't destroy was the kid's rooms. Maybe he felt guilt in those rooms??? Who knows??? But things are just that things. They can be replaced, my life and that of my kids can not. The police are still looking for him since he took off in my minivan.
I have had some time to think about this pregnancy too. At first I was scared and mad about it. I didn't want another child brought into this life I have been living. I thought about how selfish I would be to let it happen. Then over the past month my body has been changing. I am actually farther along than what I first thought. My hormones and feelings have been all over the place about this baby. What to do and how to do it. Then I felt this baby move. New life. A little baby that has never done a darn thing wrong. I love this baby. When I first realized that I cried because I had felt nothing but bad thoughts since the day I found out about him/her. I am still scared like crazy, but I know that this baby will make the way into our family and find nothing but love. I had already had a plan B and C if my marriage were to fail so why would one more child mess that up so badly? I can still take care of my kids as a single mom. That is a wonderful feeling for me.
Hi there, I'm new to the forum too, you are doing just fine. It takes me back almost 17yrs ago to when I became a single parent My kids were such an inspiration to me, and that gave me the strength to carry on.
You can do this, everyone is here for you, and of course your HP.
I admire your strength and courage. You seem to be handling things in a healthy perpective as best you can. You are so right to take care of you 1st, then your children. I am just WOW....over your post. I read a lot of clarity in it that I am sad to write....many don't find that sort of clarity. They just keep coming back for more, and then throw a baby in the mix and....you know the drill. I think the reason this struck me so much was I have been in the same situation...twice. The 1st time I was able to think clearly and do what I felt was best, the 2nd time may not have been my best choice....but what can I say...I have three great children as a result of my past. Keep coming back. You are worth the recovery! Ziggy
I am sorry you had to endure an alcoholic rage. Lots of things in my house are smashed by them. This week the A got word he is not being considered for a job because of a DUI (8 years ago). I think he finally stopped for one moment and thought what his behavior is doing to him.
I admire your strength and tenancity. I am working on a plan b. It is hard going. I do not have a plan c. I find great great solace in planning the plan b. I hope you have lots of support, love and understanding.
Well, you sound about as strong as I could hope to be. I cried when I felt the baby move too. An odd place to find happiness in hard times, bit it worked for me. Give them the best, it will work out for you. Sincerely Jamie
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
