The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i finally talked to my daughter this morning. when asked why........, she didn't call, SHE LIED TO ME !!! when i hung up the phone knowing full well she lied, the thought occurred to me. this has become a game to her, she lies, waits for my reaction and then when i have made my move, she makes hers. it is the same with baby. I LOVE THAT CHILD SO MUCH. i know my daughter is using this child to play her head games, i have to back off, and, LET GO AND LET GOD. i can't explain exaclty what it is my daughter is doing, but, that poor little girl is being used in my daughters game with more than just me, she uses the child to quilt the father, she uses her to get what she wants from the sister in law. she uses that baby to play with grandfather's emotions, and on and on it goes. it is a game bigger than me. i can only hope that those of us my daughter is using ALL have the welfare of baby girl kenny as our best interest. now.........., something else has ocurred to me. my anger toward my daughter has become my higher power this week. i REEEEAAAALLLLY need to let go of the anger, and, let the PRESENCE of my loving higher power work in me. i know i am not helping this innocent child by holding anger and resentment toward her mother, my daughter. and............, this might sound strange, but, somehow i feel my anger whichi feel has been my higher power these last few days, has somehow blocked out the love and goodness and power of what i have learned in ALanon. make sence to anyone reading this?
time to go, things to do. many blessings through out the day to you, jewely
I can truly relate - I am a mother of 5 daughters and 5 grandchildren, with another grandbaby due in August. The manipulation tactics can be very tricky.
Setting boundaries with my AH, friends, peers - on a level basis has become almost 2nd nature - but it's a whole other ball game when you start dealing with those daughters & grandbabies.
I usually have to continually practice "Let Go & Let God" about a million times a day on the good days - a trillion on the bad days. I know some friends of mine in recovery are raising their grandchildren, at this point in time, we aren't but I could see that happening. Not really what I want - but will trust in a power greater than me & just keep on working on myself to be ready for whatever my HP has in store for me.
I hope that you will continue to post your feelings - sometimes just getting them out helps. Continue with your self-care & also trust in your HP - He has a plan (sometimes I wish he would tell us the plan, but hey - we'd probably try to take over huh?)
Wishing you peace my friend in recovery, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Yea! Go jewlery! Jewlery is learning, jewlery is learning, Jewlery is learning! You're learning to unplug from your triggers! Yea! Hooray! Half the battle has already been fought. The other half, as you surmised, is on you. I found writing letters is hugely helpful--the letters you write and don't send, that you put in your God box. Talking with a sponsor everyday is hugely helpful, it keeps the focus on me. Exercising everyday makes a huge difference, it relieves stress and reminds me to take care of me. Eating healthy reminds me to take care of me. Don't get on the phone to do the "What is she doing now?" nonsense. You already know. You're the one that's changing; not her Don't be all obsessing with the shoulds, the what ifs, the need tos, all that. That's what's gotten you into all this misery the first place for you to recognize that you've lost your true higher power and have been using an emotion for a higer power. Do be sensitive to where you are at in your program--you are in transition now. You may be here for a while. Recovery is a process, not an event; like when you bake a cake, it ain't ready till its ready Do be willing to share and be honest. Growth doeesn't happen till you take the risk to share.
I am beginning to unplug from the A's provocations so much better. I know how much work it is to get there. I think it is so great you have been willing to do that much work. You will e able to do the work to be "there" for that little girl.
thank you all for your so kind replies to my post. my daughter came by today. she said it was to help me lift some heavy feed from my vehicle for the animals, but, i don't think so. you see, i found an envelope in the back seat of my car with money in it. turns out it was the deposit for work that she had lost and had no idea where it was. when i called to ask if she had misplaced any funds from work and could the money i found in the back seat of my vehicle be hers, she said yes, but, it wasn't important , she was going to come and see ME anyway. i almost laughed. uh huh......, i am more important than your lost daily deposit. ''hee hee hee''. it really is too funny. why lie in the first place. anyway, before she got here i decided to decide........., ''HOW IMPORTANT IS IT''? her lies, the money she owes me, her games, my hurt feelings. i decided the most important thing is baby girl kenny. the lies, the money, my feelings, nothing is as important to me right now as making sure that little girl is in an emotionally healthy environment. [at least when she is around me] so, just for today, i ask higher power to relieve me from my feelings of resentment , fear, and anger toward my daughter, her partner [babies father], his family, and even my husband regarding this little girl and what is going on in her life. it is so hard to let go of my own feelings and let higher power reveal to me what is IMPORTANT .
