The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm a newbie to the group, but not a newbie to the messed up life I've had with my AH. God, I pray I'm not as messed up in the head as he is. I'm married to an educated AH with some issues from childhood. Had I known how messed up he was about his childhood, I would not have married him. He was drunk when I delivered my first child...I'll never forget having to drive myself...in labor...to the hospital, while AH reclined back in the passenger seat trying not to heave his guts in the car. The nurse was more concerned about him than me. I still resent it. And I had two more kids with him. They're beautiful though. Seventeen years later, I feel like I finally have the guts to leave, but I'm worried about being alone, ashamed for not sticking it out, ashamed for staying and taking crap off of him when he's drunk--crap that he never remembers the next morning, and I'm ashamed of not doing a better job of protecting my kids from a life with an alcoholic father.
So even though my AH is helping around the house and trying to do things to please me, I'm bitter and resentful and icy cold to him. He still gets drunk every night, but he's not starting the arguments cause he does a little weed after his binge to cut the edge--I think he started this when he began to suspect I was planning to leave. I avoid him. He still gets under my skin and I don't know why. I can't just snap out of it and be cuddly and romantic. I hurt deeply and he has no clue. I don't know when it happened that I just totally detached myself, but it happened and I can't help it. Now I feel bad. But I shouldn't right? I'm so messed up I don't know what to think. I can't leave him now--he'll wonder what the heck he did and I can't even say. I didn't even realize I was this messed up until this year. I'm seeing a counselor next week. I chickened out and cancelled my appointment with the attorney to file the divorce papers and I'm miserable. God help me. I'm waiting until my AH just flips out after a binge again or has a tantrum when my sister comes to visit in March (he hates her). I just hope I don't have to wait long. But then what?
Wow you just told my story. I too have been waiting for the bomb to drop and it has a couple of times. The last one was a huge rage at our son. I told him to leave but he wouldn't. So now what is right? All I want is peace and happiness in my life and I don't think I can get it with him in it. My struggle is with my kids 12 and 14. I think the only way to get him out is a legal battle or calling the cops and I'm not sure that I'm mentally prepared for that. I'm not sure that I'm prepared to be a single parent either but I need something to change. I am working the program and it has helped. We don't battle over his drinking anymore. A friend suggested that I ask him for a trial separation and that may be what I will do. Please know that you are not alone in this. Feel free to come into the chat room and talk to others it will help. Find a meeting in your area and try and get yourself a sponsor and keep coming back.
Well you are definitely in the right place. When I came here more than a year ago I was full of self recrimination and self hatred. I blamed myself and beat myself up every day.
I no longer do that. How and when you leave the A if you leave him is your business. No one here is going to tell you why didn't you. There are many many things that keep us hooked in.
You deserve understanding, time space and peace to make a plan and take care of yourself. You will find that here.
Welcome to MIP!!! if your counselor hasn't (yet) recommended Alanon, I would like to!!! I also want to say, "get up and go to that appointment your thinking of canceling!!" It is not going to hurt anything and afterall it may help. give it a try. you wont know if you dont go.
This ((MIP)) is a great place and wonderful people. we give our experience, strength and hope (es&h) to help each other see that we are not alone. all of us here.., we already love you and understand you like no one else can.... been where you are. (first step) admitted we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. (second step) came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (third step) .... we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. ***Just these three steps.....once i accepted them relieved me of loads of pressure.... and helped me (helps me) to feel something again. no longer numb of life. in life. Today I feel Hopeful. Alanons 12 steps are a great foundation to live with. your on your way to finding a new way of life. a healthier happier way with support while working your program/s. Alanons 12 Steps & 12 Traditions is a great book. you can find many helpful Alanon books at amazon.com. The local meeting place has brochures and reading materials. you can find tools through working the program and sharing online chatting and attending meetings that will help you to become stronger. i found healthy ways to help me define (or re-define what was not working in and of my life ) my lifestyle. there are ways to help make a happier healthy home for you and your children. For your Self. i pray that you are able to find a local meeting place.... wonderful, very understanding people there. try it and see. i think you'll be happy you did. Heres some toll free numbers~ for Alanon meetings: 800-351-9996 and 888-425-2666 another meeting info. number is; 800-433-7266
we have great meetings here on line too. check the top left yellow box for group meeting/chat. top of that page lists the meeting schedules. chat is open all the time, except during meetings.
So glad you found MIP~ (((((BiGHuG)))))) <<<<<< >>>>> ((((((RoseX))))))
Yep, this is the right place for you. There is not much that can be done for him but a lot that can be done for you. Find a meeting in your area if you can - it really is worth it. Read our literature - you can drder it from links on this page, or from Amazon or ebay, or from the library, or, best of all, buy or borrow it from your local face to face meeting. Read old posts here - I KNOW that you will see yourself in some of them. Not everything you find in alanon will apply to you - that's ok. We ask newbies to try to give themselves 6 months with the program, if they are not in danger or immediate crisis. Then, at that time, you will probably have gained some clarity, and can decide what you want to do next.
We know why you want to leave, we know why you stayed, or some version of it. We did the same.
Hello Rose and welcome to Al-Anon , I too hope u will find meetings for yourself you too need to recover from the disease of alcoholism. As has already been said there is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself. Your fears will dwindle to managable as u work this life saving program . We always think we are so weak , well i beg to differ we live with the insanity of this disease Stone cold sober, WEAK !! I don't think so . Al-Anon will chnge your life for the better and after a few months in prog u will be able to make informed decisssions not based on emotion alone . and with or with out him YOU will be okay . Please find meetings in your area , there are solutions for your dilema . People who will share thier own experiences with you and listen to yours . People who truly understnad what your going thru . good luck Louise
By your story I would say that you are qualified for the Al-Anon Family Groups and the first suggestions have already been made by abbyal, lin and aunitedway. If you follow thru on them you and your life will change in a marvelous way. From experience.
if your counselor hasn't (yet) recommended Alanon, I would like to!!! I also want to say, "get up and go to that appointment your thinking of canceling!!" It is not going to hurt anything and afterall it may help. give it a try. you wont know if you dont go. 
This ((MIP)) is a great place and wonderful people. we give our experience, strength and hope (es&h) to help each other see that we are not alone. all of us here.., we already love you 
and understand you like no one else can.... been where you are. (first step) admitted we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. (second step) came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (third step) .... we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. ***Just these three steps.....once i accepted them relieved me of loads of pressure.... and helped me (helps me) to feel something again. no longer numb of life. in life. Today I feel Hopeful. 
a healthier happier way with 
support while working your program/s. Alanons 12 Steps & 12 Traditions is a great book. you can find many helpful Alanon books at amazon.com. The local meeting place has brochures and reading materials. you can find tools through working the program and sharing online chatting and attending meetings that will help you to become stronger. i found healthy ways to help me define (or re-define what was not working in and of my life ) my lifestyle. there are ways to help make a happier healthy home for you and your children. 
For your Self. i pray that you are able to find a local meeting place.... wonderful, very understanding people there. try it and see. i think you'll be happy you did.