The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that I will always have my terrible charater defects but I sure thought by now I would have gotten a little better at relaxing and forgiving myself when i stumble over my Terrible charater defects ..... OH MY this last week I have been battling with GUILT over My charater defects and the fact that when life is good I seem to leave my HP out and when life is bad I need my HP! To me that is a charater defect that I want to be gone I need HP in my life no matter what all the time........ I think I feel I am doing good so I kindof STOP doing the program until like this morning I am having a diffult time just letting little things go, NO I have to just keep beating the situation and my self up with Anger, resentment, blame, shame, guilt,fear,and doubt.... Then I have to stop and think ok what is going on here and ask myself these Questions (H.A.L.T) am I hungry, angery, lonely, tired and have I given this issue to HP??? When I don't have HP in my life my charater defects come out so thick I can't hardly stand myself...... Not to mention the people around me....... The people who love me and all the admends I will have to make to them for acting like such a fool!!!!!
I am so thankful for (((((((Senorabobs)))))))) Post it make me think I am doing the best I can and that Hp loves me for doing the best I can and so what if I screw up HP still loves me so I inreturn should love myself.... What others think of me is none of my buissness...... I must keep these little reminders in mind when I begin fighting with my charater defects!!!!
Feeling good about ourselves is a choice. So is feeling guilty. When guilt is legitimate, it acts as a warning light, signaling that we're off course. Then its purpose is finished.
Wallowing in guilt allows others to control us. It makes us feel not good enough. It prevents us from setting boundaries and taking other healthy action to care for ourselves.
We may have learned to habitually feel guilty as an instinctive reaction to life. Now we know that we don't have to feel guilty. Even if we've done something that violates a value, extended guilt does not solve the problem; it prolongs the problem. So make an amend. Change a behavior. Then let guilt go.
Today, God, help me to become entirely ready to let go of guilt. Please take it from me, and replace it with self-love.
It' occurs to me Bubbles that anything that is harmful to me is gonna show back up in my life whenever I'm not plugged into my spiritual source. I can be as self sufficient as I wanna be, but the reality of the situation is that so long as I try to do it all on my own I alwaysa find myself miserable and suffering. Generally I also find that the driving force behind this logic is my ego--the one that says no one is gonna understand how I feel, what I'm going through, or is even gonna care about what I'm living with. I have those feelings alot; the reality of the situation is that I have lived with the distorted idea that no one else has had to live with the alcholic dysfunction and all it's idioinsanities; but now that I have met, face to face, people that have, I really don't have much of an excuse. I really have to take a risk and humble myself to the reality that so long as I am unwilling to open up myself to your love, I will suffer with my pain. Talk about a work in progress. I'm really glad that you're here Bubbles and that you shared this with us. Thanks.
Sounds like you know yourself pretty well. I struggle with leaving HP out of the equation of my life when things are going very well too. Some days I catch myself and realize I haven't given HP attention, I examine where I'm at for that day, and usually I'm not in a good place. I do believe that during the struggles in our lives is the time that HP is trying to reach us, reel us in. I'm pretty tough on myself as well, my character defects are not changing easily. Some I'm doing quite well with, and others are just hanging on. Recovery is a journey and I have to remember that I will have pitfalls along this journey and lots of screw ups. You are who you are, some of the character defects shape who you have become, be kind to yourself. Thanks for sharing your recovery with us today.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thank you Bubbles for your kind welcome, even though you were having a hard time yourself. I can also relate to what you were saying, HP really is our savoir. I only just realised that this week. That's why I'm here with you all today.
