The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
she said she would call. she didn't call. i don't know wether she needs me to watch baby tomorrow or not. i turned the phone off at ten p.m. it is so hard for me not to call......., '' is everything all right? does she need me tomorrow? is she out with her friends, if so, where is baby? did she get fired? did something happen?'' uh huh , stinkin thinkin raises its ugly head yet again. i know i need to break this pattern. but, it is so hard not to phone her, not to set the alarm for six a. m. and go in the morning anyway. not to LET THE ANGER for what i see as disrespect for me consume me. in the back of my mind i know there is more to this than just a phone call. i am jumpy and nervous. i keep thinking i hear a vehicle in the driveway. my nearest neighbor is miles away, and, i have no main road in front of my house. i am literally out in the boonies and i think i hear a vehicle!!!! how insane is that? [came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity] and, just for tonight i realize, i am very loney. it is this lonliness that drives me to make unhealthy decisions for myself. my other daughter and grandchildren live on victoria island, my husband is far away working, my family lives across the country, and, my daughter who lives in town didn't call.
(((((jewely))))) I am so glad you came to these rooms. Standing your ground and NOT calling is what you need to do for you. Don't beat yourself up for standing up for yourself. I have had many experiences in the past w/the older kids and grandkids. Even not being allowed to see the grandkids for 3 months. It was so hard. But I had to stand up for my priciples. What I believed in. What my husband and I were standing for. We stood together. My step daughter finally got over herself and we talk all the time now. But now, it is different. She knows that we won't just swoop in and rescue her any longer. She has to find out what is going to work for her, besides coming here with us. Stick to your guns. I so surely know how hard it is, but I believe in YOU! Breathe, and it will be ok. Maybe not right now, or even tomorrow, but in God's times
Boundries suck sometimes. You stood up for yourself, this is how she's responding. Personally, I'm proud of you. You came, you shared, you growed. Let her stew. But don't you get absorbed in it.
Hang in there girl .... you're doing great!!! Lifetime of automatic responses and actions we have learned are difficult to change ..it takes time...and we feel growing pains.
(((jeweley)))) The important thing is that you are HERE. That old stinkin'thinkin' will get us everytime. But, you recognize it for what it is and that is great progress. Keep working your program. Love in Recovery, Becky1
I can definitely relate. I have been mired often on tenderhooks around the A. I can also go there with my family of origin. My younger sister is a A. She can be profoundly disrespectful. I have to set huge limits around interacting with her.
I've dealt with a lot of disrespect, rudeness and boundary stuff lately in the job I was in. I tended to shut down a lot as I didn't have this room to come to. I also didn't feel very well at all. I've had the flu for the last month.
Boundaries and limits are very very hard for me. Loneliness is also a huge part of my life. For me much of my loneliness issue can be met if I have access to the internet. I can go to various recovery chat rooms and really feel far far less alone. I can also work on some of my issues there. When I don't have the internet however and don't have enough resources I can feel very much alone.
I know one of my plans is to work on an emotional plan b. For me that includes getting about 5 support persons including a sponsor. I had a sponsor for a while, long distance, that helped. Isolation is a hard one. I live in a city but I am still very very isolated. I have one very good friend who I leaned on very very hard in November and December so I am trying to let up a little these days. He was a "rock". I need a few more rocks for my life and too feel involved and cared about. I certainly don't feel that way around the A although since I've been in al anon my life is far more bearable.
i feel much better this morning. she did call. i let the machine pick it up. she sounds fine. i am surprised at my reaction. i feel a bit angry. thinking to myself,if she is fine then why couldn't she have called just to let me wether or not she would need me to care for baby today. i am reaaaalllllly starting to dislike my daughter.[ new feeling for me] my husband called this morning too. he rarely calls in the morning. he didn't leave a message as i was sleeping when he called, and, i didn't bother to call him back. hmmmmmmmm, i feel lonely, but, i want to be left alone right now. what a paradox. once again, i thank you.
love the strength coming through in your post! .... most because *Your HERE! ((((jewely) Alanon Miracles in Progress. saying NO to that stiinking thinking., lol. i like that. Another word i like is "STOP." ------- just to S T O P ., actually thinkin about *the words (no and stop) and stand there a second. in the word -- S T O P i let my mind clear, go blank. i kindof stand in the words.. to sloow myself down. dont feel alone, Your "Higher Power" HP/Gods' ) gotcha . makes me feel warm inside to know GODS got me all through this ride. rough or smoothe. ... then maybe i walk to the front door or stepout back., take in a wonderful breathe of fresh air..... and enjoy that .... stand in the moment, the minute., admitting to myself, (knowing HP/Gods got IT) ... whatever aggrivating thought... i'm havi'n that i'm powerless over ., i cant manage it or anything to do with control it. (step 1) is going to be taken care of by a "power" a Higher Power i believe is greater than myself that will help to restore me to sanity (step 2) . ... some form of sanity., what i believe is right for me. lol. MyHigher Power (HP/God.) does that. step three turn it over helps me feel sane. "STOP!" that stinkin thinking! ** You GO GIRL~
WORK IT WORK IT WORK IT KEEP LOOKING uP! Keep coming back!
Miracles in Progress. saying NO to that stiinking thinking., lol. i like that. Another word i like is "STOP." ------- just to S T O P ., actually thinkin about *the words (no and stop) and stand there a second. in the word -- S T O P i let my mind clear, go blank. i kindof stand in the words.. to sloow myself down. dont feel alone, Your "Higher Power" HP/Gods' ) gotcha . makes me feel warm inside to know GODS got me all through this ride. rough or smoothe. ... then maybe i walk to the front door or stepout back., take in a wonderful breathe of fresh air..... and enjoy that .... stand in the moment, the minute., admitting to myself, (knowing HP/Gods got IT) ... whatever aggrivating thought..
. i'm havi'n that i'm powerless over ., i cant manage it or anything to do with control it. (step 1) is going to be taken care of by a "power" a Higher Power i believe is greater than myself that will help to restore me to sanity (step 2) . ... some form of sanity., what i believe is right for me. lol. My 
Higher Power (HP/God.) does that. step three turn it over 
helps me feel sane. 
that stinkin thinking! ** 
You GO GIRL~
WORK IT 
KEEP LOOKING uP!
Keep coming back
!