The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I prefer to effect my recovery in the way I see works best for me. If I sometimes do not adhere unerringly and unbendingly to the concepts, steps, and traditions...well what can I say....I am not a cookie cutter. I firmly believe that we all must take from AlAnon what we need. I further believe there is something in AlAnon for all of us; yes even the renegades like me. I take seriously the premise, "Take what you like and leave the rest." Any time you awaken and realize you cannot think independently and for yourself, you have a real problem.
Best to all,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Diva? Has something somebody said upset you? I don't get on here much any more, and don't have a lot of time when I do, but went back as far as I could to see what happened? All I saw was the love and prayers everyone was sending you. We love you, just as you are! Rebel or no, silly! I'm not setting a great example by working the steps, I get to 5, can't handle it, doubt that I'll ever do 8 & 9... but, like you, I love and really care about the people I have met here and do my best in my own way to help them through telling them my own experiences. I feel I have come a lonnnng way since I first came here, even though I have never had a sponsor,haven't worked the steps nearly as well as many have, but I try to keep coming back just in case somebody might benefit from some little thing I relate. I LOVE your forthright attitude, your sense of humor, it just wouldn't be the same here without you! I'm still praying for you, and that big wonderful heart of yours (and waiting to hear the next BBB news!) with much love, and sending you all the TLC I can, TLC
Hey, I don't know if I am a proper alanoner or not, but I do know that if I had to conform to every great idea that came up, alanon probably wouldn't be very useful to me. I appreciate the sympathy, understanding, flexibility, and patience that has been offered to me, because that what I need. We are all different people and work in our own ways. Alanon has helped me incredibly and I have only been "aware" of it for about 6 weeks. I think of it sort of like a pair of jeans that are stable in the right parts, but give a little room where it is needed. Eventually those alanon jeans will fit all of my many contours and I will really look good in those jeans. Keep smiling Jamie
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 23:03, 2007-02-06
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Diva all through history and herstory, it is the ones who dare to question, who dare to follow their hearts and beliefs, who make the greatest changes for good in the world.
Jesus for one, Ghandi, Rosa Parks, wasn't that her name?
Alanon is a wonderful foundation, however we are all different individuals with different needs. When we share our hearts there is always someone who is relieved that, omg i feel like that too. And we don't feel so alone.
I am so glad you are sharing your adventures with us. I am also glad you post YOUR experience, that is where take what you want and leave the rest comes to play.
Hugs lady friend. I am also a square peg and like it. love,debilyn
(((Diva)))) Your not a cookie cutter? Why not? I hope you at least have a couple in the drawer for baking!
You are SO right (I think). I so believe in take what you like and leave the rest. That IS part of the CAL.
I am also thankful to those that have different versions of things. Makes me think outside of my box as well as enlightens me on other happenings of the world so I can get out of myself and listen to a fellow friend.
Hope to keep see'n ya around! Love, in recovery, Sandy (I am not a "square" either, I am thinking more of an octogon!) LOL
I agree...take what you like and leave the rest. Although we all are here because of the same reason, we are still individuals. Like any other type of problem not one solution will work for everyone. I think most of us "adjust" the program to suit our needs and fit it to work best for us. If you are finding serenity in "your" program......keep on doing it, cause bottom line that is all that matters.
It's not what road we use to get there, it's getting there that matters.
Actually for not being a proper al anoner I got my butt chewed up too. I had quite my share of hateful notes come from this one person, and every time I tried to get specific with her--what do you mean by this statement? can you explain what you are saying?--she became dismissive, defensive, hateful and hurtful. The only woman I have seen more venoumous was my mother--and she defended my father when I explained that he had been sexually molesting me since I was 4 y.o. until I left for college. She ended our conversation by saying "I've moved on but obviously you haven't." Quite frankly, Im greatful that we have un proper al anoners. I'm no saint either. But I firmly believe in progress not perfection, and if you want to make a suggestion to spur my growth, make it a suggestion.
Diva, I read that post yesterday, I knew that would get your goat. I gotta say that 99% of the time I agree with you! I use what works for me but if I don't like the dogma I leave the parts I don't like out. That's what it's all about is whether it's working for you or not and if the idea of disease doesn't fit for you then leave it! The point is it's about you not them, whatever makes that work for you in your own mind is the key as far as I'm concerned!
I am a renegade too... Not quite the traditional little lady and i also don't appreciate others trying to TELL people how to work their program or what the should/shouldn't think. To me that's it the cause of our problems in the first place trying to control others by manipulation etc.
Just my 2 cents and u keep goin girl because I personally get at LOT out of your perspective!
I'm not sure what inspired you to post this, but I find your opinions and insights refreshing. I think we need out-of-the-box thinkers because no matter how many similarities our stories may have, we have not all had an identical experience.
One of the core issues I had with my last job is that the people who were training me all had different ways of doing things. There are probably 10 different ways of doing anything (all of them ok). When I'd been trained by one of them I'd learn a certain way, then I'd go to the next person and they'd insist I do it their way! Frustrating to say the least.
As someone who grew up in an abusive family I can dig in my horns a lot and rebel. I have my rebellion issue under control some. I also have to say I have lost serious friendships with people who are really controlling these days. I understand their needs and concerns but I can't deal with it. The A I live with has his own control issues (his mother is an incredible controller I know where he gets it from) and that is very difficult to deal with most days.
I welcome people's feeedback and concerns and I know one person in my support group really helps me with that. I have a lot of trust in him and I know there is mutual respect. When I don't feel there is mutual respect like in my last job, its like waving a red flag in front of me however. I get pretty stubborn and resistant. Sometimes I have to work on what I am resisting and reacting to.
I am not someone who believes the 12 steps cure everything. They are a tool much like anything else. I don't believe personally medication cures all either. They help too. I also don't believe therapy cures necessarily and I've explored lots of different frameworks. I think it helps too. How anyone puts together their toolbox is up to them. I know for me as someone who is isolated I get a tremendous amount out of it when people share how they manage. I grew up in a isolated dysfunctional family, the A does not deal with a whole lot (although some things he deals with much better than I do). I missed out on all the "normal" feedback as a child. Everything I did was wrong period. So for me personally I do look outside the 12 steps although I certainly appreciate them greatly.
I shivered at that term "proper" ... yeesh i tried to be a "proper" wife for years. Living a "proper" life. Having "proper" feelings .... more shivers. Being in Alanon to me is far from proper. I don't want "proper" people helping me work my program I want real live ones and I thank my HP everyday for each on of you who do so in your own very special way.
I think you're perfect the way you are. Of course Alanon teaches that what others think of you is none of your business, but I like breaking the rules! Ooops, I guess I'm not proper Alanon also. LOL
Dear Diva - I must say WOW! First of all - THANK YOU! You have often responded to my posts and have always been helpful. And for that - THANK YOU!
As far as "Proper Al Anon" goes...well, hmmm...I do not go to f2f meetings. I have no time. Seriously! I work full time. I am raising 2 kids on my own NOW (and practically was before anyway). And have been spending the last 14 years trying to raise my AH and have been unsuccessful. It is hard for me to find the time to do the whole f2f meeting....so I find what I can and many times get what I need right here on this FABULOUS board. And yes - I notice that sometimes posts are not ALWAYS about alcoholics.....mine are usually about my crack addict/alcoholic husband. But hey - we are all looking for answers and addictions are addictions in my book. Granted some are more serious than others but they all cause us concern & worry. We turn to this board for a release, for a shoulder to lean on, to know that we are not alone. And it is a wonderful help to me to get outside points of view and see how others have handled similar situations.
So make no excuses for your posts, your opinions, your experiences that are shared. You are loved, you are admired....You Go Diva!
After reading some of the post's I'm led to wonder...."Was it something I said?" I have to say that I believe that there is no "proper" way to work your al-anon program. It appears to me that when I mentioned that all of Al-anon's steps, tranditions and concepts are set-up under the belief that alcoholism is a disease, you may have taken that as me saying you were not a "cookie cutter" al-anon. Which btw I don't think exists, nor would be healthy. AA is set-up under the premise that alcoholism is a disease. Al-anon is set-up for people who have been affected by the disease. If you don't accept it as a disease that's your choice, but I think it is important (especially for the newcomers) to know that it's not that conflicting of an idea... It's either a disease or it's not, scientic data has shown us that it's a disease, therefore AA and Al-anon label it for what it is...a disease. You have every right to accept it or decline it. No one is telling you how you should work your program..."proper-like" or not. The 12 steps are set-up for us to find peace and hope while freeing us from our addictions, not to conform you. I have found many miracles in the program and have worked my program at my pace. If you have truely found your serenity and peace in the program, may you keep it, if you haven't may you find it....
PS I wonder what shape the cookie cutter is anyway?
I for one, am beyond greatful that you are who you are. With all due respect to Alanoers all over the globe, I don't care how you speak the language of recovery. We are all in this journey together. But if we were all the same, recovery would be boring.
"To thine ownself be true." You are certainly the living and loving example of that. You call it like it is, without being mean. You've kicked my behind when I needed it. For that you have my heartfelt thanks. Stay true to who you are. I love ya and always will. Stay the true and fabulous Diva you always have been.
Love and much blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Now you have me curious on what has transpired? Hmmmmmm ,,,,I will say I have always enjoyed reading your insight on things and I as probably many get alot from what you have to share. Just thought I would add this onto the growing list of supporters.
It's a part of life (the program) & at some periods you are able to use different parts of the Program than others, we change & certain parts of the Program work for us at all different times. No one can know what will help you or anyone else on a particular day, or year or wherever you are in your own spiritual growth and I don't believe everything ought to work all of the time. You just never know.
I remember to give myself license & freedom to be a human being ~ not a robot. Sure, over the yrs, I've offended ppl but I can't obsess or worry about it, I have to live with me & in my own head, as we all do. I'm not being judged, as long as I choose to not judge myself, forgive myself, grow & move on. LG, LG.
Love, -KoL
p.s. Besides, who wants to be "proper" anyway ~ it sound like 'normal' which was always another word I never wanted to be (balanced & healthy, sure). Progress not perfection. It's the journey!!! love ya D
-- Edited by kitty at 05:59, 2007-02-09
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
