The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been married to the same ah for 26 years, but recently i was dx with a chronic disabling disease. I have been given tranqulizers and pain medication to help me get through the rough spots. Last night i caught him again taking my meds and at higher than recomended doses while his was so drunk. I can not begin to explain how disappointed I was, even though this has been the story of our life together. I just don't know what to do any more. He has promised change so many times I don't believe a word he says. I don't feel safe or cherished or even slightly connected to this man any more. I have given him my whole life my whole heart and I just cannot take the verbal abuse anymore. I can't take the empty promises any more. I have taken care of every single extra detail in our life inluding raising his children from his first wife. I have given all I can. I have forgiven him time and time again. i don't know what to do as i no longer can take care of myself phyiscally. I have no will to go on any more. I know I can't change him, I wouldn't even try. I just can't bear to see him or hear him or smell him ever again. Please help me. My prayers need to be full of praise and not begging to not wake up.
You have found a wonderful place to come share, learn, read, and grow! I am so sorry for the pain (physical and emotional) that you are going through. I have been with my ah for 5 years. I cannot imagine 26. I hope that you find what you need here. This is a wonderful place to help you learn how to deal with alcoholism and learn how to take care of you. I do not know how disabled you are at this moment, but if you keep posting and reading others posts and responses you will find friendship and people here who will help you find strength. If it is at all possible to go to face to face meetings that is highly recommended.
I do not have any wonderful words of wisdom for you, but just keep coming back. Look for small "bright spots" in your day. Little by little they small spots can get bigger.
Take it one step at a time. We are glad you found us.
Oh, hugs to you Suzy!!! I am so sorry you are going through all this!!
I too stayed married to an A for 19 yrs ...not because I loved my life with him, but because first of all I was taught ya get married ya stay married..period. Also because we had 4 kids. I finally did end up with a divorce, but it was scary!!!! I had never been on my own, much less with 4 kids to provide for.
I too have medications for my disability, but unfortunately I have to hide them if any of my A/drug children come because they will take them. Addicts have special sensors I think that lead them right to the drugs. Is there any way to hide your meds or do something where he could not take them? I know this is important because I have seizures, and I must have m y meds, and they can only be refilled so often ... what I get has to last me.
I realize this is a temporary solution for that only, but would be good for you for now so you don't run out of your meds when you need them. Then you can start thinking of a plan B to change your situation.
The miracle has started for you in finding this recovery site. Your situation is impossible and you are powerless over it for the moment. What you can do is let go of the pain and expectations of your situation from moment to moment and read over many of the post and responses on this web site. You can call the Al-Anon hotline that may be in the white pages of your telephone book and as for someone to talk to. From there you can get a meeting list of the meetings and times of meetings within your area and then get to one quick. You will find lots of help there from people who have been in the situation you are in now. There might be some differences and there will be more similarities. If you keep an open ear and mind you will find lots of help. You certainly will find lots of unconditional love.
I came into the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups completely broken and crazy and I thought no one had it as bad as me. I was different and I spent lots of time trying to prove that however most times that I tried I would hear that I wasn't alone and that no matter my situation (not only crossing drugs with alcohol, infidelity, theft, incarcerations in hospitals and ambulances and police cars and loss of jobs, family etc.) I was not unfixable. I could change my life and return to sanity and happiness. Miracles like that and much more have come to pass and I am forever grateful to the program for taking me in and nurturing and loving me until I could do that for myself.
Now its your turn and I can only give you what was given to me that has worked wonders in my life then and now. 1. Keep coming back! 2. Do as many face to face meetings over the next 90 days that you can. 3. Get Al-Anon Literature and read it again and again. 4. Find a meeting that you can make your "home" meeting and do service there; coffee, arrange the chairs, set out the literature, clean up etc. 5. Practice the 1st three steps of the program; "1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can lead us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
That's not a whole lot from this end but on your end that is big change and lots of courage to get it done. Give it a try. There is a chair waiting for you at those meetings and you are qualified to be there. Good luck.
Keep your medication on you at all times and let your doctor know what you know.
((((Suzy)))) Your post reminds me so much of myself.
While things seemed very bleak at times, I am grateful that I bought into a wonderful idea.....that I needed to learn to save myself by LOVING MYSELF again. And while we're on this earth, I believe that is the MOST important lesson of all!
Al Anon is teaching me to do that now and I am forever grateful! Keep coming back Suzy! It will certainly get better!
I can definitely relate to being suffocated and being sick and having the A neglect me. In fact I was just by chance telling a friend of his today how he behaved when I was sick really deathly ill. I was not saying it as a way to be a victim but matter of fact. I think in general many many A's are hopeless around someone sick. They really go into self absorb mode. For me that was a form of abandonment.
I can say when I came into this room I was at a wits end. My resentment was toxic. I was totally bloated with anger. I could barely breathe because I was so very angry and unable to move out of resentment with the A.
I can definitely relate very much to being totally burned out. When I came here I was totally burned out. I was exhausted I could not get away from what the A had done, could do and how he had hurt me. I was totally immobilised.
I have to say this room really helped me. I went to lots of meetings. I spent a lot of time venting and really letting stuff out. I can still vent. I don't need to do it as often. I did vent a lot though I did let a lot of my stuff out and I was heard here.
You will be heard here. You will find tools here. There are many many al anon tools that can help you. Some of them take pratice, some of them will come easily some of them might not.
Above all I am glad you got help. I am glad you found this particularly resourceful place.
TO ALL THAT RESPONED TO MY DESPERATION I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I GAVE MY AH AN ULTIMATIUM LAST NIGHT. THIS TIME IT WAS MATTER OF FACT NO DEMANDS OR EVEN CRYING JUST TOLD HIM THAT IF HE CONTINUED TO DO THE THINGS HE WAS DOING, I WOULD LEAVE. I WOULD GO ON WITH MY LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT HIM. I HID MY MEDS AND TOLD HIM I HID THEM, I TOLD HIM HE WAS NOT FOOLING ANYONE LEAST OF ALL ME. FOR THE FIRST TIME HE ADMITTED HE HAS A PROBLEM AND WANTED A CHANGE. I JUST HOPE THAT I A CAN LET GO OF THE PAIN, ANGER, AND TOTAL LACK OF FAITH IN HIM BUT ONE THINGS FOR SURE IF HE BREAKS THIS PROMISE I AM LEAVING I WON'T TAKE THE ABUSE ANYMORE.
I KNOW GOD WILL UNDERSTAND THIS TIME IF I HAVE TO LEAVE. MY CHILDREN WILL UNDERSTAND. I THINK EVEN MY AH WILL UNDERSTAND.
I AM HOME BOUND AND AM UNABLE TO ATTEND OUTSIDE MEETINGS THATS WHY WHEN I FOUND THIS SITE, I KNEW A MIRACLE HAD HAPPENED IN MY LIFE.
