The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my ex ah and i spend alot of time together with the kids. it is for the most part tolerable and fun. buti'll start relating a story that i've heard on the news and he inturupts me with something more important. so, i see, he is just being rude. it is part of his mania taking hold again. all the signs are there talking at me loking thru me and he doesn't believe it.its nice to be prepared for his comming relaspse. i see it. now i can go on and be myself and take care of my kids and enjoy my life. i will not let my disease drag me thru hell anymore looking for him. i know there is no way i can stop it. god might pick me up after this one and let me know yet again that there is nothing i can do except to do nothing.honestly nothing. i'm getting it,i'm seeing my flaws and i see my fear to change anything. i'm scared to move......not sure when my faith failed me or i failed my hp?.....
the addiction isn't active (yet) - but the bad behaviour is right there, front and center. if you were still married, i'd probably say something like perhaps sitting down, and calmly discussing the irritations, behaviors, and communication skills that piss you off. beings you are divorced, i would spend my energy on letting go, keeping my side of the street clean, and living free and serene.
best blessings cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I still live with the A. We are not married. I know for a fact I used to second guess myself around his behavior. Now I can name them. I do stop interacting with him when he starts on them. Before I used to try to persuade, cajole, control and influence him. Now I don't. I do keep my side of the street clean. The problem for me is that I end up with a larger side of the street than I would like to have! I consciously choose at the moment to do certain things for me (not for him) and I no longer allow the resentment to eat me alive.
Honest share....and I can really relate. Even though you are preparing yourself for what you "know" is to come, it doesn't make that any easier when it does. I've found the anger, sadness etc still tags along with me. That w/ a dose of frustration because I "knew" and I'm still having all those feeling.
You said-- i'm scared to move......not sure when my faith failed me or i failed my hp?...
I just want to share with you something that helped me from Hope for Today pg. 341 "Sometimes the choices I make are not as important as the fact that I make them." You have not failed, you have just not maded a decision. Your HP is right there, waiting on you. I understand what it is to hold on, yet move forward at the same time. It is making progress and taking care of ourselves but we keep that one part, holding on to that, wanting it to work the way we hope it will work. We wait.
Hope is a wonderful thing, and I'm not saying to give that up. What I'm talking about here is really letting it all go and giving it to your HP. All the out comes. How hard it is, and it can only be done when we see that holding on to even that one little piece isn't helping us or making it what we want it to be.
Take what you like an leave the rest. You are in my prayers. I really wish it was easier.
For me, when I saw "the warning signs" I would beef up my meetings, get involved with service. Right now, my dachsund and I are doing quality bonding with Monk on USA on TV. I mean, there was nothing that made it okay, my heart always got broken, but at the same time, it was okay that it got broken. I had gone the extra mile to protect myself, and I had my safe guards in place. I'm glad you're here.
