Hi family.  It's been quite a while since I started a topic, and recent events have put my skills to the test.

A hearing for the criminal trial (DV) was held a few days ago. The state (not I) pressed charges and Awife and lawyer entered into a diversion agreement - it won't proceed to trial, as long as she obeys orders yak yak yak blah blah blah, counseling, monitoring, chem dependency evaluations.  They also tried, very hard, to have the NO CONTACT order lifted, which I, present at the hearing protested, and judge soundly agreed.  Prosecuter and DV advocate, God Bless them.

Later, same night, Awife calls (violation). We talk, she cries, then yells, then cries; she is not getting what she wants.  Her wants, her needs, always center stage.  She's drinking (violation), I can hear it in her voice (I'm well attuned, probably like the rest of you).  Evidently, I tell only lies and I must hate her -- then she loves me so much and wants to end all of this and come back to me -- don't i take my wedding vows seriously?  sigh.  I actually read the exact vows to her from our wedding, and explained how I took and kept my vows, under God, and that she need only be concerned with 'her side of the street' and that 'she only has control over her thinking', so please don't try to manipulate mine.

The call was not totally bad, but getting steadily worse. She's drinking, becoming incoherent, becoming hostile.  I did the best I could, used my program, and the progress I made was letting her know that I am NOT willing to renegotiate the upcoming divorce.  I let her know that I needed to end the coversation and go to bed (work in the morning).  Of course, she resisted, she had not gotten her way.  I ended it, anyway, tactfully and as kindly as I could.

The calls came rushing in... one after the other.  Evidently, my willingness to speak with her the first time somehow gave her permission to break the law.  She called 22 times between 1130pm and 0100, each a violation.  She left messages.  I picked up twice and explained that if she called back I would notify the authorities.  She kept calling. I called the police.

It is not my responsibility to correct her bad behaviour, but I (with program) will not allow her to invade my serenity.  The sheriff came out and took a statement (3am) and recorded the voice mails, so I only got a few winks before work.  They have not, as of yet, found her to serve her.

Today, we had family court, where she brought in a list of items that she is claiming as hers.  It was almost comical, as she thinks she can punish me by taking away assets.  I have little fear that a judge will not award her all the beds, all the furniture, she wants her wine rack (LOL, of course), actually listed nick nacks as an item, my baseball card collection from when I was a child with a paper route, all the birthday presents I've ever received, my chainsaw...

Her behaviour in court was atrocious. She even badmouthed her own lawyer.  I reacted a few times (unfortunately).  But the point got across, she cannot dictate to me, anymore.

I do love her, as I've stated on several occasions, but I also understand that this monster disease is eating her and everyone she attaches to.  Program has blessed me with the ability to detach.  Although I may cry in my f2f meetings, I found it rather easy to not cry in front of her.

We do NOT have to accept bad behaviour. We do NOT need to accept serving the wants of our A.  We do NOT have to accept or tolerate being made less than human.  Awife will be taken to jail at some point.  I felt bad about reporting it, but it is her responsibility.  She chose to get drunk. She chose to make bad decisions. She can live with the consequences of her actions. PERIOD.

I can treat her with kindness, which is a miracle, and still deny her my peace and serenity.  NO.  NO.  NO.  NO.  NO.  I will close our relationship by teaching her one simple idea:  BAD BEHAVIOUR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED BY CJ.  NOT NOW.  NOT EVER AGAIN.

Love
cj