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I am only on step 3...made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. Sometimes, I feel I still have to remember step 1, I am powerless over alcohol...
Some of the al anon support I have received, tell me that it is ok for me to set boundaries. So, with the Super Bowl coming up, my AH told me this week, that our son will be coming to watch it here on Sunday. (he is in college, 30 min. away) Last nite, AH tells me that our son may be bringing a few of his friends. So, I decided to say firmly, "I do not want to host a party here on Sunday." Know what he did? He pretended to be listening to the news from the other room....he ignored me.
Last time my AH and son were together, was on our vacation over the holidays. They became drinking buddies. Before we boarded the plane to head back home, they stopped at the bar in the airport. (We had all just had dinner together....where they consumed lots of drinks.) So, during the flight, my son tells me he's not feeling very well, he thought he was going to vomit. Since we were not far from the rear of the plane/lavatory, I told him to go. He did. THUMP! He fainted. And, all the flight attendants came running. Soon, there was an announcement for any medical personnel on board to please come to the rear of the plane and 2 doctors came running and layed him down....after a long while, he was better and came back to his seat. However, we were told that WE were going to be de-planing first and there would be an emergency crew greeting us when we got off. (They also shared that the captain had looked for an emergency landing at one point during the flight.) Anyway, it was extremely embarrassing to de-plane first, horrifying to be greeted by the police and an ambulance with lights flashing.... I was soooo angry. But, what did my family do during the drive home? Laugh about it!!!!! Said this was an experience we'll never forget.
(sigh)
So...my question is, do I take my hands off this weekend? Is "setting boundaries" in this case, an attempt to control things again? How powerless am I in this?
My A son also had an experience on a plane after a vacation full of drinking and partying. He ended up having the first of several anxiety attacks.
I would tell you to take care of you and if there is somewhere you could go for the evening, I would do it. Find something to take your mind off of it....something fun.
Hope it all works out! I hate anything revolved around alcohol where my kids are in attendance.
I can empathize with your frustration. In the past I have stated my boundaries, my A ignored my requests and I had to enforce those boundaries by following through with the consequences. If you don't want a party in the house, state that once and then think of an appropriate consequence, such as I will leave the home for the day and it will be your responsibility to clean up afterwards. I try really hard now to keep things simple for myself. I try not to place myself in situations where my boundaries are compromised. This is not always the case, so in the times when my boundaries are challenged and I need to remove myself I go into another room, over to a friends house, or take the kids out for the day. It is about taking care of your needs and doing the right thing for you. It hurts when people violate those boundaries and requests, but as I've learned just because I request something for someone else to do doesn't mean they'll do it. Most times, I can fulfill those needs on my own. Hope this helps and hope your weekend goes well.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
DeeDee, I feel your pain on this one - i love football - love to watch football - but HATE - let me say it again HATE the superbowl!!!!! It's not about a game - it's about drinking & gambling - to of my least favorite things in the world. All you would have to do is throw in snakes and then you would have the top three worst things possible on my list.
Anyway, we always go to my brother-in-law's - typical party - finally this year - after 3 1/2 yrs in the program - i said i'm not going. I don't want to go. I don't want to be around the drinking or the gambling - told my AH you go if you want i'm not. He's comments - I've told you being around drinking doesn't bother me (he will celebrate 4 yrs next week sobriety) & i'm working a program on the gambling thing (he just recently had a very bad slip in this area). I said it's not about you, or them, it's about me & my piece of mind. I don't want to go. Thanks for understanding. (and as much as i wanted to be sarcastic, i didn't - just said it with a calm tone of voice - finally after so many yrs of working on me - thanks HP)
So, it's your husband's house too - you probably won't have much luck asking him not to have the party there, but i would definitely make other plans - maybe even treat yourself to a hotel room for the night - let your H know he will be responsible for cleaning up the mess or he will need to pay a maid service - let them do the grocery shopping - that's if they plan on eating food - just do what you need to do for you to have a peaceful, serene day - they are going to do what they want to do so why shouldn't you!!
Can't wait til Monday to hear about your great evening - you can do it DeeDee - take care of you - you deserve it!!!!
peace my friend Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
