The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is going to seem like such a silly question, but how can I tell for sure that my H is an alcoholic?...He left me and our 3 kids last March and is living with another woman...am I just using alcohol as an excuse for him leaving us?
The following questions may help you decide if you or a loved one has a problem with drinking and may be an alcoholic. Try to be honest when you answer the questions and keep up with your yes answers. Be sure to read the comments at the end.
Have you ever tried to quit drinking for a period of time and started back in a day or two?
Do you resent people telling you what to do about your drinking or voicing their concern?
Have you tried to alter your drinking behavior by switching from one form of drink to another? i.e. hard liquor to beer, beer to wine, wine to beer, etc..
Do you ever need a drink to get started in the morning or to stop the shakes?
Are you envious of people who drink without getting into trouble?
Have there been problems connected with your drinking in the past year?
Has your drinking caused problems within your household or with your significant others?
Do you ever drink to prepare for a party or get extra drinks while there?
Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking when you want, but continue to get drunk when you don't mean to?
Do you miss days at work or school because of your drinking?
Do you have blackouts when you are drinking?
Do you ever feel that your life would improve if you did not drink?
If you answered yes to 4 or more of these questions then the possibility exist that you have a drinking problem. It may be a good idea to attend a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and listen to the stories of others who have an acknowledged drinking problem. AA has helped many to regain their lives and to live once again with purpose and direction.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
The honest answer to me is.... it doesn't really matter. If his drinking and behavior is "affecting" you, then you are in the right place. What is normally true is that most people who drink don't have a "drinking problem".... just ask em. <smiling>
I worried over that same question for a long time. I did gather up some interesting information over time. It was interesting, but the best way to see is to work on yourself and get "your side of the street clean" and see what happens.
My wife was very high functioning... so long as everything goes her way, including my opinions and my feelings. As soon as I started to show signs of having an opinion, or a desire to do anything she didn't want to do... it was obvious what was wrong. (To both of us.)
So hang in there, and keep doing what your doing. Your serenity is worth the effort.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I think you are in a good place here, even if he is A or not, because this is about focussing on you and not what anyone else is doing, letting go of what you can't change. Even if he isn't A, he is with another woman, is that something you are willing to accept?
welcome Kelly, In my experience them cheating is becuz they cheat, if they use or not.
I believe being an active A makes it easier to do things they want to do, they don't hold back.
Not all A's cheat.
I am so sad he left you and the kids. We learn in alanon to look at ourselves not at them, or what they are doing. How are you doing? You have made it this far, good for you. It must be so hard.
I hope you will cont to come to this spot, it is a great place to get help and give it.
I agree, it doesn't really matter. If he is NOT an A, and you are focusing on his drinking in an obsessive fashion because you are crazy (is that something like what he has been telling you?) then this program, if you approach it honestly, will help you fix that in yourself, and help you become a healthier person. If, as is more llikely, he is an A, well, here you are. In any case, this program is about YOU - we don't search you at the door to make sure you really qualify. If someone else's drinking is affecting your life in a negative way, this is the place.
(((((kellygirl))))) I'm glad you're here. Whether or not he's drinking, you're in the right place to take care of yourself which is what's important. You and your children deserve better than this. When my first husband left me for another woman, an "old time" alanoner told me I was rejected by a reject! I loved my husband and was heartbroken for a long time. I stayed heartbroken and depressed until after I started working the alanon program. What I've gained by working this program is worth everything to me. I never knew for sure whether my first husband was an A or not, but it doesn't really matter.
