Wow I had no idea how long this would get. If you wnt the cliff notes version, I highlighted in bold.

This is something that has weighed on my mind from the beginning.
He was clean for 10+ years when we met. Ampetamines were more of an issue for him.
He left a long term relationship to be with me. He was with her before they got clean. She was five yearsl older than him and he is 17 years older than me.
He was active in the program and had alot of friends. Went to meetings almost every night. I had something of an addiction problem when me met, but  cleaned up real nice when we got together.
It didn't take long for me to get pregnant.
I didn't fit in with his friends. Alot of them were friends with his ex and didn't like what he did to her. Also, there was this recovery way of thinking and talking that I wasn't accustomed to. I would just smile and say nothing for hours. In addition, alot of his friends were single guys that kept thier distance once I became pregnant (careful, I hear it's contagious). Let's face it, I didn't like going to meetings. I wanted him to go without me but he wanted to be with me all the time.
Untill the baby was born.
He would work all day, come home for a half hour, leave for a meeting and be gone untill late. Oftentimes I would be making this gormet dinner and I would hear him say "I'm going to a meeting" and he'd be gone. After a while I realized he was intentionally slipping out the door so there would be no discussion. I told him I'd like to know ahead of time. All theese conversations about me being alone with the baby and no break, no help, no company, just yadayadayada. He started saying I never "let him" go to meetings.
I was very jealous. I felt like I was just this lame little girl and he had left a great woman and he was dissappointed, and that he would figure out he made a mistake. She ws still inlove with him and would meet sometimes. I found notes from her hidden in the car. Also, there were other young women he had dated were at the meetings. I became a little obsessed.
He started taking pain medication. After about a year. He has a bad back, but avoided taking medication. I didn't like it. It was upposed to be a short term thing, he had strained his back and it hurt more than normal. It's been about 9 years. I've tried so hard to get him to quit the pain medication.
He started taking my pain medication. When I got my wisdom teeth pulled. He was after those pills ever time I turned around. I came home with the prescription and went to sleep. He took them before I did even, from my purse. He would be sneaky and decietful about it, a side of him I hadn't seen before. I knew it was bad and I was over my head, I didn't know what to do.
He was diagnosed with cancer. Eight years ago. A slowgrowing brain tumor. He's had two surgeries and radiation therapy. He hasn't worked regularly since. He had always been a little grumpy, but this is where he started to get mean. Sleep all day and watch TV all night. A little obsessed with pornography. Generally some very negative behavior surfaced.
I was very dependant on him. We had a few fights and I could never get away. I couldn't drive, didn't have any friends or any money. I started working bu couldn't earn very much money. He still had alot of responsibility on him.
We drank wine at a resteraunt. Occaisionally (like two or three times) he would order me a drink on the rare event that we were out without the kids. One time he ordered a bottle of fine wine, I had one glass, he had two. We took the bottle home. It stayed in the cupboard for about a month before we drank the rest.
He started buying wine and bringing it home. We both drank it, but he drank more. He said it helped him relax because he gets tense. It was true. I preferred he came home and had wine instead of yelling at us. It helped him sleep. The kids couldn't understand why there as alcohol in the house. I ensured them it was alright, that people could drink a little bit.
We were bored and went to the liquor store. This was my great idea. He likes White Russions, I like Harvey Wallbangers. He did not handle hard alcohol very well, he would get wasted and stumble around the house naked, slurring incoherently and making a big ass out of himslef. I had to carry him around and trick him into bed. Not a pretty sight. He also got stingey, becoming annoyed and resenting me if I drank some, accusing me of drinking more hat i did. He started hiding it, sneaking out to drink and stuff like that. I started pouring it out, marking bottles, stuff like that. Told him I din't want it around.
He started buying beer. This was his great solution to the problem he had of walking around the house on his lips. I would have a beer every now and then, but it's not really my thing. He'll start early and end late. Sometimes he's dopey, sometmes he's rowdy. We've had too many bad episodes to list here. I decided I had had enough and stopped drinking about a month ago.
Here we are now.
I know I "didn't cause it" but I'm not sure I really believe that. I'm his wife and the mother of his kids. He was doing so good before he met me. He was successful, he had a good woman, he was health. Now he's just a sack of dung that doesn't even work and he starts drinking at noon. I'm so ashamed to reach out to his family, they will say I'm not a good wife for him. His sister has died of alcohol related illness and he has alot of the same problems she did. She was the only one who understood what he is like, the rest of them are very judgemental and bias.

Geeze I guess I had to get that out. OK back to another day of working on me. By the way the weather here is awesome.
Jamie