The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just need to get this stuff off my chest so that I can be done with it.
My Ah has been on a bender for the last 8 days. We work in a very deadline oriented business and he has basically just pretended he doesn't have a job. Then suddenly BOOM, he has no choice but to cram a month's worth of work in to a week and he begins to freak out. Then, he expects me to be compassionate and try to help him out. It is such a crappy position for him to put me in. If I help him, I am enabling him and I resent having to do work that is his responsiblity. If I don't help him (which I don't) I am left resenting him for putting me in the position of a mother trying to teach her child a lesson...only he is 5 years older than me! Also - he is 40 years old and can't send an email. He turns into a blithering idiot..."what program do I open, how do I get to a blank email, where do I put the email address, how do I attach a document?" I can completely understand that it is not necessarily common sense and it has to be learned, but I have shown him how to use email at least 100 times over a 10 year period...you think some of it would stick. This man has an MBA mind you. Then he walks around like a wounded puppy because it is obvious that I am irritated by his lack of responsibility. GIVE ME A BREAK!
Secondly - My neighbor and best friend has cancer. She has a 5.5 year old son and I have a 6.5 year old girl who were best buddies until a couple of months ago. Her son has developed behavioral problems probably as a result of the issues going on with his mom. He has begun teasing, name calling, displaying extreme jealousy, and last but not least hitting my daughter. She is trying to work with him, but his behavior is affecting my daughter and she has no interest in playing with him anymore. Though my BF and I talk openly about the situation it is affecting our relationship and that upsets me.
To end on a positive note - I am going to a f2f meeting tonite that will have a couple speaking. He is in his first year of recovery in AA and her in AlAnon. It should be very interesting.
hate to hear about your friend's health & her son's behavior issues - sounds like a really tough place for everyone - hope your HP will guide you in what is best for you & your daughter. Also sending thoughts & prayers for your friend.
as for your AH hate to hear about the bender - those times are hell on earth. with the computer work can you possible write down some instructions for him, give them to him & then walk away - leave the room or the house? Possibly can you say "i understand you have a deadline & may be feeling a little stressed, but that is not my fault. I am uncomfortable with your demands that I help you with a situation that is caused by your unhealthy behavior." and then maybe leave the room - go do something nice for you - read a book, go for a walk, etc.
These are only suggestions, just ways that i had to learn to set boundaries, to be treated with respect - it helped me let go of resentments & helped the A's in my life start taking responsibility for their own life. You may not be able to do this all at once - it takes time - progress not perfection.
Keep taking care of you, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
