The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. -- Seneca
When we reach a stressful time in our lives, our vision gets narrow. We fail to see the options and possibilities we have. If we give ourselves over to our worries and fears, our sight closes down even further. Finally, we reach the point of blindness to reality and to all the support around us. In our fearful blindness we say with conviction, "This is too difficult! There is nothing I can do."
Spiritual people strive to keep one eye on the horizon, even in a worrisome situation. They breathe deeply so they do not tighten up or close off their exchange with the world. They return to the relationship they have with their Higher Power, trusting the process to carry them through -- and they open their eyes to quietly take in the possibilities before them.
Close to my Higher Power, I have a place of calm in the midst of difficulty and see the possibilities and dare to act upon them.
To be perfectly candid, I cannot think of a single crisis where I didn't, at least initially, re-act instead of re-spond. The key is, any more, I'm catching the fact that I'm re-acting, and that gets me to re-spond. To me, re-sponces are based in a sense of gratitude: I'm here at my computer, talking to you. I'm clothed, I'm fed, I'm warm. I'm not living in my car (been there!), waiting to hear back from the homeless shelter (done that!), living in fear of my father (got the t-shirt!), and wondering if I should spend my last $5 on gas to keep my car running or on food to keep myself in good mental order (don't go there!). They're also based in a sense of reality: bills are due in a month (got money?), gonna need to see the GI (another procedure, curtosey of insurance?), it's time to sign up for classes (gonna graduate yet?) and, of course, WOW I wish I was somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else! But that's the beauty of the program--I have the courage today to recognize my desires, needs, feelings and fears. It's okay that I'd rather take a geographic for my feelings--from what I hear on the board so would a lot of you! That doesn't make it "bad;" it means that alot of us feel if we could change where we're at physically, alot of us feel we would change where we're at mentally. The problem is, wherever you go, there you are. Each of us has gotten up the courage to recognize, intrinsically, that a problem won't evaporate on it's own: something about the situation needs to change before the circumstances surrounding the problem do. That's why we're here. We need to find solutions to change the circumstances of our problems, whatever they may be. Some of us came here looking for a way to control another's drinking. Some of us came here becaue professionals told us that so long as we kept trying to control another's drinking, we would keep losing the war (well, we sure showed them, huh?!) Others of us were just so upset that our loved ones had "priorties" that we didn't know what to do. After all, when we stood at the alter, were brought home from the hospital, or whatever, it's not like we got a manual that said, "Oh, by the way, because there's alcholic disfunction in this family, you'll need a handbook. Here you go! Good luck!" It's important to always remember our options, and to take honest avenues to keep them open. So what are you doing to do so? Got options?
Love your post, lots to think about and reflect on there.
I know for me I try to always make sure I have options, situations as well as people change and/or can prove to be unreliable (even if alcohol is not involved). One thing I am going to be doing is enrolling in school. My A has been in recovery for almost a year now, but that underlying "sense of doom" still creeps around in my head. It is slowly getting better and I know that only time and how I view things will change this. Going to school will open a door for me that has many options, if something happens with my A's recovery I will no longer feel "tied" to him financially, hence giving me a sense of freedom. If my A's recovery remains his priority then having an education will allow us some extra financial freedom plus then it eliminates the worries as we get older that if he gets injured or sick and needs to be out of work himself we will not have to struggle. Right now we are a one income family and things are fine, but I want to make sure our financial future is in check, so to speak.
funny, with the idea of "getting it" I keep getting this vision of a remote control car going toward an open doorway but it keeps hitting the nearby wall and goes back and forth hitting the wall getting ever closer to the doorway until one time it gets lined up just right and passes on thru. I'd like to skip a little more of the running into a wall and move on to the passing thru the doorway!
