The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm a newbie. I actually posted an intro back in November or so. I went and picked up a few books that some of you recommended: Getting them Sober, Marriage on the Rocks, and Codependent No More. I haven't posted since then b/c I've spent most of my meager spare time reading - I literally just finished CNM last night. Thank you all and this board so much; it was the best thing I could have done for myself! I could not believe how much of my life was reflected in those books. The lightbulb went on and immediately I felt a sense of calm - the insanity that was (and still is) my life is not just in my head! And now I have some idea of what to do (or not do in many cases) about it. I'm finally starting to get it!
To re-introduce myself, when I first posted I had kicked my AH out of the house. He came back shortly after and promised not to drink again. This time, I didn't yell or scream, and most importantly, I didn't believe his promises. I KNEW he would drink again, and I was right.
A couple weeks ago, he got a DUI. And strangely, instead of being upset and anxiety-ridden like I normally would be, I was kind of glad. Glad because this time, I didn't get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down on me. Glad because I didn't bail him out of jail - I made him beg someone else to do it. And glad that it made him take the first step to get professional help - a HUGE step for him who swears that professional help is BS and only for the weak. I know this is only the beginning of a long hard road, if indeed he goes through with a program. I've told him I will stand by him if he gets help, but otherwise all bets are off. He's a great person when he's sober, and hopefully he'll let more of that out. But if not, I've taken steps to protect myself financially and emotionally from him and his disease.
I just wanted to post b/c I'm amazed that, at a time when I would normally be consumed with anger, guilt and frustration, I feel a strange sense of peace. I realize that I still have a long way to go in my recovery, but this board and Al-Anon has already helped me make positive change in my life. Thank you all!
What you have experienced is sometimes called an, "AH HA!" and I'm glad you got one because I know what they feel like from when I have mine. Keep coming back to this family and we will share more about our experiences, strengths and hopes and listen and learn from yours. I like how you put the, "...my life is not just in my head." Thanks for that.
So great to hear that you are gettin it! Those are great books to read, and I know exactly how you felt when you started reading "your" story in them. It is such an enormous relief when we know finally that we are not alone. That others have been where we are and that we can take control of our own lives.
I think half the battle is knowing we aren't alone in all of this. I know it was for me. Such a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders just hearing how many had the exact same experiences. (All A's must use the same text book lol). And I also like the statement, "...my life is not just in my head."
I felt like that many times. It was such a relief knowing I was not going insane.
Welcome back to MIP. Sounds like you are starting to take care of you. I'm happy for you. It's amazing what a little bit of knowledge does. It helps us realize we are not alone in all the craziness that happens along this road called life. I hope you keep coming back. I gain alot of strength and hope on this board and in the chat room.
"starting to get it"?? Heck, it sounds like you could TEACH it!!
Way to go, sounds like you are really living and acting the program, which is really cool.... Those three books that you mentioned are all great, and your post certainly brought back those memories of validation for me, when I finally realized that I was NOT (completely) insane, and that there were others who could understand my plight. I remember reading the first GTS book, feeling that I was all alone in my chaotic world, and there was my life, seemingly splattered all over chapters 1, 2, 3 etc....
Hope you keep coming back..... recovery looks good on ya thus far!!
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks for all the hugs and welcome backs, and the encouragement to continue coming back!
It's such a simple thing, but hearing "thanks for being here, keep coming back" is such a rare thing in our lives that it means so much when someone actually says it to you. It's nice to be wanted for a healthy reason for once! So I will keep coming back.
