The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Someone asked in another post "what is this Plan B I keep hearing about?" and I thought that might be a good thing to talk about. For me, my Plan B's were always pretty low key and practical - if he doesn't show up to give me a ride to the dentist's office, how will I get there? - that type of thing. To me, Plan B is a way to make sure your needs get met, if (when) the A doesn't come through. It can range from really minor stuff (if he doesn't make it home for supper, I can just freeze all this leftover stew) to major things (If he will not comfort me in my grief, I can go to other loving friends and family). By the nature of the disease, A's cannot be counted on, so we need to have a backup plan, so we are not left twisting in the wind. What about you, what does Plan B mean to you?
I use the plan B idea all the time. In a nut shell what it means to me is if I have plans to do something with another human being, like say go to the movies with a friend Friday night, I am also gonna have a plan B (and maybe even a plan C) in case they don't show up or cancel at the last minute. Plan B might be, go alone ---in the past I would have just sat at home, done nothing and been resentful, or maybe rent a movie come home and watch it in my jammies with popcorn and a pickle!
What having a plan B really means to me is to be prepared. Sometimes people in our lives are unreliable and we have put too much of our happiness in their hands expecting them to do something we want them to. Being prepared just means if they do show up for the movie, we go and have a great time together. If they don't show up, I still have a great time, instead of feeling anger, resentment or rejection that they didnt.
i can easily get away from my plan b or think it will never happen. like how will i ever become financial indepedent from the A? how will i ever learn to be on my own? how can i make it?
one day at a time, one dollar saved at a time, one hurdle at a time. i set goals, i strive for things with flexibility knowing my HP has full control & can change the situation at any time.
a plan b is safety for my physical, emotional & spiritual health. it is part of my new way of life.
progress not perfection, rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I agree with everything that has been said by Lin and David.
I think plan B helps remind me that no one person can meet all of my needs, all of the time and it is unfair to expect them too. Plan B reminds me to be creative, to tap into all of my resources, and to really see and appreciate all that life has to offer. Plan B also helps me feel like an actor in my own life (rather than a victim), and that is immensely helpful in helping me to prevent anger and resentment.
Here are some plan B's that are currently in my life:
A) Due to a break-up, I just lost a few friends to my ex. Although I do not believe that friends are replaceable, I do recognize that I am lucky to have a large circle of friends (most of whom were not also friends with my ex), so I am drawing on them for support and comfort during this difficult time. I have also leaned on my Alanon groups. I am also finding ways to be a better friend to those friends I do still have.
B) Now that I am single, I am in the process of creating several plans around having a satisfying life whether or not I am single or coupled.
C) If I live with someone again, I would create a "Plan B" for what would happen if it didn't work out. For example, I would put enough in savings for first and last month's rent at a new place in case I needed to move.
D) I try to also have plan B's for the smaller things in life i.e. rides to places, etc. just like Lin and David mentioned.
When I read about your Plan B I thought of one of our Slogans “Let It Begin With Me” I just reread it in “How Al-Anon Works For Families & Friends Of Alcoholics” (pages70-71)
Yup, you shared it! This is a great topic –I automatically thought of ‘Plan B’ as being a backup plan of safety. Associating it with of taking care of number one first - Spare keys hidden, having phone numbers ready, an emergency contact person etc I can see how they are similar -By placing the focus on us and our well being, not to rely on another person for our happiness and to exercise our choices. Right now I am determind not to let a day go by where I will let someone spoil it for me -That is my choice With everyone’s e, s and h I have a new point of view -Thank you
