The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This has been an extremely long week for me. There are so many changes at work do to the feds changing how we do business at my work. I work for an agency that has contracts with DSHS (Department of Social and Health Services) and to help TANF (Temporary Assistacne to Needy Families) participants become self-sufficent. And the feds are makign all these changes. It is sad, for example a person who needs chemical dependency treatment can only be in that activity for 12 weeks. If they still need treatment after the 12 weeks then if DSHS has them stay in that activity then their participation does not count. That is one of the many changes that are coming, and that one truly breaks my heart.
So we have been in trainings and meetings to learn and brainstorm how we are going to meet the federal requirements and still offer the best services posible to our community.
Wednesday my husband was arrested. I think he has been in jail at least once a year for the past 5 years. He was picked up for 3 Failure to Appears. This crap has been going on for 7 years now. (Whenever I tell a friend of mine that my hubby is in jail, her hubby always says that my hubby must really like the food there). All because has 3 DUIs the most recent was over 4 years ago and he has still failed to follow through with the courts required treatment programs. Well now it has really bit him in the butt. His first judge he met with said that he can see that there is no way my hubby is going to follow through with treatment. My hubby said that he was correct and asked to finish out whatever time he needs to in order to have his case closed. Hmmmmmmmmm 30 days of inpatient treament and maybe 6 months of out-patient treament for that charge, but since he hasn't followed through turned into 270 days. He got 2 DUIs in that judges jurisdication back in 1999 when our daughter was 6 weeks old. He has plenty of time and chances to complete the requirements the judge gave him.
He has court on the 2nd of March for his other DUI. He is going to ask that his lawyer try and get the judge let him serve 2 months of his time at an intensive inpatient treatment in our state. I am parying that he is being honest with that statement and praying that the judge says yes. He was already at that treatment center 2 years ago. It is a locked down facility so there is a chance he can go.
This will be his longest stint in jail. 2 years ago he was gone for 6 months and that is when he went to the intensive treatment center. I am so sad for him. He will be locked up for 4 of our families birthdays, mine, his, our oldest daughters, and our youngest childs as well. He is going to miss one of our daughters first day at Kindergarten, our anniversary, and all the other moments young children give you.
I am doing okay. I am feeling just about every emotion you can. I know I am going to be okay, I know that I do better without him around. I am just really disapointed, I need his support. And for the most part since he returned from Alaska I have had it, well the best that an active addict can give you. He was taking on more responsibility at home, since I am enrolled full time in school the quarter. He had dinner waiting for me when I came home. He understood that I would not give up my Thrusday night babysitter so that I can know for sure I could attend class on Thursdays.
But at the same time he was getting scarier. A few weeks ago, for the first time ever, I took the kids and went to spend the night and my friends house. He was really drunk and was frightening me to the point where I didn't feel that I was safe.
I am reallt trying to see God's (my HP) will in this. And I can see it. I am just full of hope that this time God has a bigger hammer to get through my hubby's extra thick skull.
I know from the past that my hubby's spirit can find healing in jail. Come to think of it so does mine when he is there.
Thanks for being here all.
Love in recovery, Mandy
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
You certainly do have your plate full. I'm not sure I could see as clearly as you. You sound so strong and confident in your path. Here's hoping that your hubby finds long term recovery in a facility. I'm sorry that he won't be there for you. But I'm sure he will be there in his heart for you always. I will keep you in my prayers tonight.
Love and many blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You both do better when he's in jail? It is interesting you said that. My uncle who has now passed away seemed to use jail as a treatment center. When he knew he was out of control for any reason... that's where he wanted to be and he knew how to get there.
Please take care of yourself, and be careful. If he is getting out of control, by all means do whatever you have to do to be safe.
We are here for you and you are always here for us.... it's a good match. <smiling>
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I am so glad you are doing so well. I am sad for the loss you and your family will undergo. Please, please know that we are here for you, whatever, whenever.
Just wanted to send along a big ole hug. Sure wish I could give it in person.
Love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I knew you were a fighter, and your proving to be just that. I grew up with a drunk that was scary so I can relate to you. Just remember you dont need to put up with that.
Haven't seen you in forever, but am glad to hear you are doing well, despite everything happening. It's just proof that if we work our program we can make the best of anythng thrown at us....and you get an A+ for that, lol.
Keep us posted and know we are all here for you for whatever you need.
I am sorry your family is having to go through this. You do sound strong and maybe this time---well you never know! My family is also facing the possibility that my ah may do some jail time. I can say I am definitely not calm about it. He has almost 6 months sober now and I am scared when I think about what jail time could mean to him. But as you say "HP knows best and He will work it all out." Stay strong! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. So glad you shared.
Denial is so much easy but facing reality takes alot of courage. You seem to have alot of courage. This may not make sense but my AHsober choose to miss part of Christmas with our sons. I don't think that he is really conscious. They don't seem to know that there really is a family, kids, and all that when they are in their disease big time. We know but it has been important to me to keep on making memories with my family.
