The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As you all know, my A left me 7 months ago and is proceeding with a divorce. I do not want this, but there is nothing I can do about it. I just have one question. I have been reading about people who have stopped loving their spouse, and I'm wondering if you can ever get that love back once it is gone? You do hear about people who divorce and then get remarried later. Once again, is it possible to love your spouse again once you state that the love is gone?
You fall in love with someone because you see in them what you are or you see in them what you want to become.
This is my favorite quote. I find it true. I'm not sure of your situation but I wish you the best. I personally do not believe you can fall "back" in love with someone. But that's just my opinion.
Oh, who knows? I wouldn't worry about it, to be honest. You're on a jouney, of healing, and there is no point in limiting what you may find. You may find that the love comes back, you may find that you are well rid of him. I would suggest letting yourself feel whatever you really DO feel, and let that point you in the direction of the next step, rather than having a destination in mind.
There was a time when I was no longer in love with my A. I still loved him, but it was about the same type of love I would have for any human being I was close too. The "in love" was gone.
Since he has found his recovery and we are working on us as well as ourselves, I am finding myself falling in love with him again. But I can say, if he hadn't found recovery and sobriety there would be no way I could be "in love" with him again. Mainly because I did not like him when he was active. Hope this made sense.
I have been pondering lately...Am I in love for him or with the idea of him or what he does for me? so basically reality? or my vision of how i wish he was?
I think love comes when you are not looking for it. When you just focus on yourself you become busy, and happy and you stop feeling like you need someone to complete you. People find that attractive and become drawn to you. Then you can walk side by side with each other, not always one chasing the other or hoping the other will change for you or come back to you. And like they say if it's meant to be, that person you think you want now might come back to you. Chances are if you work on yourself when they come back you will see them for who they truly are, with the 'beer-goggles'/rose-tinted glasses off. A thought-provoking book I love is called 'It's called a break-up because it's broken'.
