Dear Serenity,

I have similar concerns as you.  My major concern in life is the loss of my son who died two  years ago and the tidal waves of grief I live with since this has turned everything in my life inside out and back to front.  For example, I can no longer work in the profession I am trained and experienced in so money is a big issue too.  My secondary concern is to have a 'good' relationship whatever that means.  So I too feel that my issues are not exactly alcoholism related although they may be more so than I imagine when I look more closely.  Maybe the fact is that you, like me, are battling alone to make sense of what else is happening in your life and you have a deep need to be ok with the relationship with your A?  I belong to another forum for The Compassionate Friends (support for bereaved parents) and oddly enough find the same problem there when I need to discuss the problems around living with alcoholism, but of course some of my friends there have lost children through alcoholism and drug addiction.  I think that it is really important to be able to bring the whole of your experience, wherever you are becasue life doesn't really divide up neatly into compartments.  Everything impacts on everything else.  So I would say that, although many other people may not have similar stuff going on, that some will and by posting about whatever it is you will make the connections that may support you and them also.  I am very new to this forum so hoping I am not speaking out of ignorance of what goes on here.   Love to you and please private message me and tell me more if you choose to. 

I agree that alanon skills can be used in other areas of your life - certainly, from my experience, in weight related issues,for example.  It is a matter of taking responsibility for your own choices, not buying into another's ideas or values, but looking deep into yourself to see what YOUR values are, realizing that nothing changes if nothing changes, making small positive steps and allowing yourself to fail - all of that is alanon, and all can apply to health or weight issues.  Another thing is that chat is sometimes  not the best place for certain types of discussion. Quite often in chat there are just too many people, and in too many types of moods, for the type of talk that you may really need. The answer there is not to  give up on chat, but to recognize it for what it is, enjoy those aspects, and when you need something else, look for it. That may be going off for a private conversation with a particular person, posting on these boards instead, sending private messages here, or, total change, going to a face to face, talking to the people you meet at your f2f at non meeting time, talking with nonprogram friends, joining a group that focuses on the other problems in your life, reaching out to family, taking the problem to a professional.  Sometimes it's a matter of finding the right help at the right time - not everything is all things to all people.

I think most of us, if not possibly all of us, have other issues that are not related to alcohol. And, I also think that there are many issues that can come from the acholism such as finacial problems and other family problems. Seems so much goes hand in hand. Please don't feel afraid to bring up anything that is bothering you. I am sure that there will more than likely be at least one other person there that is, or has been where you are.

Alanon supplies us with some wonderful tools that we can apply to just about every situation. We accept we are powerless of alcohol....sometimes we need to accept we are powerless over the rude driver in front of us, the nasty waitress at the restraunt, a sister, a brother, the list can go on forever. So as we learn the tools, we can start applying them to all aspects of our lives. I see alanon, not only as a way to deal with the alcoholic in my life, but as a way to deal with ALL aspects of my life and anything and anyone that comes into my life, even if its only for a few min.

Next time you need to share, just share as freely as you would if it were alcohol related. Everyone understands that we have other situations we may need help dealing with.

Andi