The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I called this morning and found two face to face AL-Anon meetings not to far from me and in the daytime. I live in a huge crime filled city in Florida and I am scared to drive around here at night and I can't depend on my AH to drive me to them for many reasons. Anyway, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to stand on my own two feet and do it.
My life has become unmanagable and I know that I can't change my AH. I have been angry and bitter because I have felt he totally deceived me and has not lived up to any of the promises he made to me before I married him less than 2 years ago. But I can see the reality here now and not forgiving him is just hurting me. I don't like what he did, but then that's what most A's do and now that I can face reality and admit that he is an A, I can face the reality of him not being able to be honest or dependable in keeping his word to me. So I guess I'm ready for Step I because I am powerless over alcohol and other people and my life has become totally unmanagable at this time.
In all honesty I love this man and there are many good things about him in spite of his addiction to alcohol. He gets up and goes to work every day to support us no matter how much he drank the night before. He is not mean to me even when drinking, he just draws into himself and I feel alone many times. He may not beable to make love to me but he shows me that he loves me in many other ways. I just need to count my blessings and just let God handle everything else here.
I guess my biggest gripe has been his bringing me so far away from my kids and grandkids, but if I'm going to face reality here.....I made the choice to come to him because I believed as our main support it was important for him to be happy in his job. When I felt the let me down and lied to me about so many things....I just didn't even try to make a life here with him. So in all honesty, I can't really say I have given this town a chance either. It's not going to be easy to do because I really miss being in my kids and grandkids lives on a more regular basis but right now I'm not ready to make any definite decisions about tomorrow. I need to stop looking back and forward and just live one day at a time, starting with this one. It feels good to know that for today I am taking a positive step forward by speaking my feelings here and in planning on attending the face to face meeting near me today.
Give me courage just for today God and thanks to everyone for listening to me.
In the face of uncertain futures, attitude is everything. Like you I am unsure where this journey leads, but I know I have a choice about how I travel the road. I can cower in the back seat with a blanket over my head.... or I can sit in the passenger seat and admire everything along the way while my HP drives.
(Either way HP is driving.... just hard to know that from under the blanket.)
I admire your strength to do for yourself. Keep hold of that courage and it will take you a long way.
I am so glad you are here, Your post is very inspiring.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Good for you! I am glad you found some f2f meetings. It's also brave to start looking at your part in things and seeing how you can change. All Good!!! I hope you have a good day! Keep coming back. We are glad you made it here!
I was told when I got into the program that if I stayed long enough I would hear my story or parts of it told by others. Well I have been around a long time and I keep hearing it just as I have heard it from you. Thanks for your honesty and courage and if you need help with the determination to get to those face to face meetings and get into your recovery, I am here to help. God does give us courage and all sorts of other things that we need to gain our peace of soul and serenity doing my part means remembering where I put them and then actually doing something with them.
You're in the right place and when you get to the meetings that will be the right place too.
Keep coming back and thanks for your share. (((((Hugs)))))
Helo Wilted welcome to recovery , once settled in Al-Anon u will make new friends and begin to get your life back on track . good luck with the meetings and give our program a try for a few months before making any life altering decissions then u can make an informed decission based on fact not emotion alone . read the literature do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get better as u begin to let go of the idea that there is "somthing u can do about him " Louise
So good that you are looking at your own part in things. The great thing about acknowledging your own part is that there is something you can DO, to change that. You can get busy enough working your own stuff that his just sorta falls off the radar. Hope you enjoy your f2f - if not, just try another one. They all have their own flavour, check around a bit until you find one that feels right.
My HP did give me the courage and I made it through my very first face to face meeting. Thanks HP!
This was a big step for me in many ways and I am thankful that those who were at the meeting helped me to feel comfortable and very welcome at this meeting. I felt alot of peace when I got back home and my AH told me he was very proud of me for doing this for myself. And then he proceeded to cut down on the amount of beer he drank this weekend. I told him that I had noticed he had been cutting down on his drinking for the past few weeks and that I was proud of the effort he was putting forth in this. The fact that he did this on his own without any "suggestions" on my part gave me encouragement that there is hope for my AH. I have not felt that hope for a long time.
I bought some of the Books and have found there are many words of wisdom in the them that also bring encouragement and hope that no matter what my AH chooses to do here. Though I do hope he will decide to get help and quit drinking, regardless of what his choice will be, mine is to have a fully functioning joy filled life for myself.
At 55 I feel like I am just starting my life. This is a very good thing for me.
