The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays Hope for Today is a focus of our slogan How Important Is It? The writer describes a childhood in which he/she felt the need to be perfect in reaction to growing up with the chaos of an alcoholic mother. The result was constant self beratement that nothing was ever good enough, or done well enough. Through self examination and work in the program, the writer began focusing on how important is it and was able to be gentler with him-/herself.
When I consider this slogan I can see both sides of it in my case- certainly there has been over reacting on my part and often that was the result of under reacting in some other situation. My perception about what was important and what was not had become skewed. When I remember to wait a few beats before a reaction, and consider how important, or unimportant something is, Im able to handle situations more reasonably.
Good Morning Mary i can so identify with you as to your emotions being skewed. I practiced this slogan at the beginning of my alanon journey only to find that It helped me to stay in denial and not face important issues. I know that making a "mountain out of a molehill" is what this slogan refers to and I am careful not to do this ,however I still look at each situation, examine my part and try to learn the lesson. Thanks for your dedication and service
Thanks Mary and Betty. I tossed this slogan aside in my early program days. I think I didn't understand its value for a year or more. How Important Is It now helps me decide to let go of things that only upset me and /or have little value to my day or my life. It could be something someone says or does, or something I hear on the news. I could easily get bogged down or off course . This slogan also makes it easier for me to take what I like and leave the rest. Without healthy role models in my life, I never knew what end was up and in a codependent way just followed other people. Yuck and no more! Lyne
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH and shares. I too set this aside for a bit simply because there were other slogans and the serenity prayer that spoke to me louder in the beginning. It took me some time to find a way to apply this in my recovery as when I arrived, 'everything was important in my distorted thinking'.
I too now can use this to pause and consider the facts. If it's not affecting others in the same way, I might need some step work. If it's not near my side of the street, I may be considering a slip into some controlling/advice-giving behavior. I am grateful today that I have enough self esteem and confidence to look at things differently and know that giving myself time to make choices is not 'bad'.
Happy Sunday all - watching football and having a relaxing day...am facing a week of golf, travel and some grandma time with the little ones. Make it a lovely day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Mary for your service today, and always!
I appreciate Betty's and Lyne's shares...the slogan "Take what you want and leave the rest" I use daily here... it really is SO GOOD!
I can truly relate with what Mary shared, b/c like Mary, I was an 'under-reactor' until my body just couldn't hold it in anymore, than I was way out of bounds with my reactions. At times, I can see now how I would look like a crazy woman! I would allow things, behaviors, to happen, internalize the anger, and then that anger would manifest in health problems... psoriasis, exacerbated back problems, stomach issues, eating issues etc. When my body's way of pushing those feelings out would not work anymore, the anger would bubble up in loud torrents.
I always apologized, b/c I was always mortified at my behavior, yet I didn't understand the process of what I was doing, over and over until I embraced Acceptance. Acceptance of the program, acceptance of my situation, acceptance of the behaviors I have developed due to living in the same sphere of addiction. I finally realized that the famous saying of 'The definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results' was ME!
Today I utilize 'How Important Is It?' a lot. It is serving me well.
Grateful for this relaxing Sunday.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
There are so many layers to this slogan initially, it was like going through the motions until I could find some serenity. After much practice, I can now apply it as a tool. I love how I can now look for the outcome where my side of the street is clean and I can detach with love. It feels soooooo good when I can nail the high road rather than focus on right/ wrong, etc.
How important is it? What would bring the greatest serenity and is this more important than serenity?!
Its Tuesday morning here, and y'all, but ah suppose the meeting is still going... ...
I have been going to a run of 5 f2f meetings in the neighbouring town. Not trying to change everything- like I used to. And it has been a welcome break to my routine.
But I came home last night with self-doubt and shame arising in me. I know these days- that it has nothing to do with the meeting!
It looked like I was in for a rough night- but was able to coast through. I used some tools in the middle of the night to get back to sleep.
So most likely this was an opportunity for healing. I think a whole heap about what other people think of me- even when it isn't happening!
Maybe- that describes what shame is- self blame. Old messages surfacing- about failed perfection and unworthyness!!!
Hey Mary, I sure can identify with this share. I, too, had a skewed view on what was important and what was not and therefore I did not react appropriate. But I too, try to breathe and pause before I respond to something and sometimes I actually do a good job LOL
And yeah I can relate to the having to be perfect. And beating myself up when I was not perfect. I feltl that being perfect would be the only way I could get them to love me and value me and of course it was Fruitless because these people were not capable of anything but abuse or abandonment. So now I validate myself. I catch me saying good job and hey you did a good job on this. I noticed that I give myself a little bit of praise now. And yes the slogan how important is it has been in my face a bit lately so it means I need to work on breathing and pausing and asking that slogan. Ive got some wood damage outside underneath my fascia boards underneath my roof shingles and I am getting all stressed and I am thinking I need to breathe, I have a great handyman, my house is not falling apart over my head , So the slogan I asked me today when I was looking at it basically was this isnt so bad is it? It is fixable. It is Going to be OK. And I began to relax. Deep breathing and pausing and the slogans really do work
...
...