LINKS

Al-Anon Group Home Page
Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room
Site Technical Problems or Questions?
Step Work Board - A Step each week!
Online Meeting Schedules


Al-Anon Family Group
Message Board

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"Real" Al-Anon Meeting Directory


A new step every two weeks in the order they were written!


Al-Anon's 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Send is not my friend ..


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3068
Date:
Send is not my friend ..


My X has decided to act out with our oldest and let me tell you how hard it is for me not to blast him because he's seriously just that fecking stupid.  You know you want to mess with me .. you do that .. he already knows what that gets him .. mess with my kids .. you would think he would realize that it would be 1000000x worse for him.  I'm going with the not my business because I don't want what little help he is offering the oldest to dry up.  I am breathing through my resentments of the moment again .. be a dumb ass with me .. I got you dude .. the kids have already been through enough. 

I called this last week .. the X had decided benevolently to help .. I don't think he got out of the deal what he thought he was going to.  Point being he offered to send money knowing that the kiddo was struggling.  He came up with the amount how often and everything .. ok fine.  Apparently my oldest didn't graduate fast enough .. LOL .. reminder he's headed into his second year of schooling. My impression of this "act" was to ingratiate himself to the oldest and it was not suppose to be all the time .. now .. boy has been working his butt off to get another job to go with the art modeling .. the art modeling won't start until next semester.  He did get hired at his dorm this is not the same dorm that he broke all of the rules at .. this is at a different dorm.  I like this dorm better it's more adult like for the kids at least the room boy has is .. he's in more of a studio set up and thriving.  There was zero food plan so last month was rough .. and I helped as much as I could .. I think I dropped 500$ between moving costs and then to boot food and misc money.  My X sent 200$ wanting to know what I had contributed .. well you asshat .. more than you did .. let's talk about time and effort to boot .. this is not a competition .. if it was .. he would loose.  LOL .. come on .. there's nothing like having your primary parent holding your hand when things can be overwhelming.  He thinks that spot is his .. because it's owed him .. no .. it's not.  I have to laugh as I type this out because I had to have the conversation with my bff that sorry honey you don't get anything out of making your sister look bad .. at least I know where the lesson was coming from .. so I have done my darnest to refrain from saying to much.  I am pissed is putting it mildly.  I called it .. I warned my oldest .. this was going to come to an abrupt end based upon how his dad works. 

So I have been quietly holding my breath and sure enough .. instead of sending money .. the X sent food .. umm .. I drove up today to take the oldest food shopping .. I enjoy that time with him and my youngest went with.  It was a good time.  I was fully annoyed because I find out that because of no money the book the kiddo needed for a class that has testing starting next week .. he couldn't get .. so I got the book with the understanding that since that's what he was going to spend his money on any way that he would need to pay me back 50% and consider the other 50% what I would normally send during a two week period.  He's got zero income coming in at the moment and I can't sleep knowing he is has zero cash on him.  He's very responsible with his money and he's figured out how to cut corners, get his basic needs met all the while continuing to score A's .. if we were dealing with 0.0 GPA .. I would not be helping .. I know how hard he's trying.  Now .. my X knows about the fact there has been no meal plan .. knows about the fact oldest is struggling to find work (he's got a job I hope within a couple weeks back ground check .. ugh I hate those they take FOREVER) .. zero income and he's worried about what I'm doing .. yah .. whatever asshat. 

He changes the rules without telling the other person until after the fact .. so basically kind of like when we were married .. I found out later that he considered himself single while we were still married and living together .. lol.  He pulled the I sent food instead of money this week and I'm only sending you 100$ a month now.  Ok .. why would you do that the day AFTER the kid was expecting money.  While expectations are not good .. this was a commitment not made by my kid .. by their dad to follow through .. I think had he reached out on Monday and said .. hey I sent food for this weeks money .. OR better yet .. do you need food or would you rather get the cash.  Something to say hey, I need to do something different. 

Send is totally not my friend tonight because what I want to send to that fecker is not even closely qualified under THINK .. I could get to THI(N .. I can rationalize that yes it's necessary for someone to point out what a jerk he is .. lol .. K is a long ways a way from where I am currently at). 

All I see in my mind is a walking talking jack wagon .. I do not care for this man in the least.  He doesn't do me any favors with things like this and I was really trying to back up and say well .. maybe .. the one thing I have going in my favor is that my oldest is fully experiencing his dad which is unfortunate.  My youngest is still hallucinating that dad likes him more and so he can "fix" it and I told him no .. he needs to allow his sibling and dad to work it out.  He's also got his own agenda going on .. lol .. it's not about a relationship with his dad there is financial motivation.  I had to cool his heels about it. 

I really go back to the saying that a drunk ass can stop drinking and still be an ass.  So I'm probably not the right person tonight to say wonderful thoughtful things about my X .. trust me it's nothing I wouldn't say directly to him and would have no problem not giving an amends.  I have no desire to deal with him on any level.  Who knows how totally fried his brain is and he has zero ability to make sound decisions on his own.  It's crazy.  I see his degrading more and more.

Anyway .. thanks for letting me share .. hugs S :)

 



__________________

"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 655
Date:

Sending you light, love, peace and support, Serenity!

__________________
Music makes my soul soar!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1102
Date:

Ugh, Serenity. I've heard the same thing from my XAH, "Well, how much have you given him?" Like it's a competition. He's never been able to do what is best for his child, it's always been about his end goal or whatever benefits him most. It makes me sad for my son. And, i'm sad for your children as well. Sending you hugs and support from here in Phoenix!

__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3068
Date:

UGH Andromeda .. you hit it .. the competition and I'm trying not to get sucked in and my kiddo did not ask me for help although I didn't volunteer it either .. we talked about the choices that were available what he had looked at .. what he thought and I told him what I thought and we agreed he needs to take this class .. it would be stupid for him to sign up for another one when this is the best choice at this point.

I find the irony in how all this is coming up and yet .. I look around me at other people's drama .. hey I will take my tranny kid over that other stuff any day of the week and seriously if that's the worst I have to deal with .. so bloody what .. it's all good.

Not going to lie .. I am looking forward to watching my kid come out it will be get out the popcorn and watch .. that's been a whole other conversation happening lately and I have cautioned unless you got a job to cover the cost of insurance on my policy kiddo don't do anything drastic. It's a matter of financial survival.

Hugs S :)

__________________

"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 76
Date:

Sending you hugs and positive vibes!    When they mess with our kids, disease or not the gloves come off



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.

Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us