The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Grant me patience, Lord -- and hurry!" This is a quote from today's reading, which discusses that most of us want a quick fix or an immediate solution to difficult situations. Some situations have been ongoing for years, yet we want a solution in one day or even shorter. When it's not resolved when WE think, we then consider or practice a campaign of self-criticism. What's WRONG with me? Why do I feel so strongly about something not very important? I'm sure I caused this - I'm sure I'm to blame.
The point of the reading? Surrendering, and accepting the situation complete with discomfort might help - along with some prayer for guidance.
Today's Reminder -- Will power cannon eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.
Today's quote from Confucius -- "You cannot create a statue by smashing the marble with a hammer, and you cannot by force of arms release the spirit or the soul of man."
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Patience has always been a struggle for me. I freely see me in this reading - wanting things resolved fast, having a 'plan' for all around me and stream-rolling my way along. Recovery showed me that this was perhaps a bit of self-will running riot and that others will not only let me down, some may even wage war! In working this program, and seeking my part in the chaos, I can today say that I would have ignored me too!
I was controlling, critical, judgmental, selfish and more - perhaps more so than my A(s). I see now there is no justification for treating myself and others as I did when I was insanely crazy from this disease. Today, I am much better at accepting things and others as they are, and holding my serenity near and dear to my heart. It's my choice if I give others my power or not - I try to give grace and empathy instead.
I'm grateful that I know now I am a work in progress, as are all people around me. I am glad that this program gives me permission to be imperfect and to love unconditionally others who are also imperfect. Happy Thursday MIP - off to golf in a while - we got sunshine and warm weather - yippee yahoo! (((Hugs))) - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"Lord give me patience, and I need it now" - a prayer I learned in my childhood.
I see so much of myself in this reading. When I've reached my limit for dealing with something, I want it fixed, and I want it fixed permanently and yesterday. impatience is definitely one of my character defects.
I'm glad that AlAnon gives me the tools I need to work on this defect of character, and plenty of opportunities to practice.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning IAH and Skorpi Thank you for the reminder to place" patience" in my tools box today. I know that when I am patient, life on life's terms is much easier to accept and I know the joy of staying in my own hula hoop.. i found that repeating the Slogans and the Serenity prayer a great asset in maintaining my patience and serenity. Thanks for your service and enjoy the day
Good Morning MIP and thank you for C2C for today. I tend to have way too much patience. I loved Math in school. Here is the problem, use the theory, solve the problem and keep doing it until it is correct. I would work on one get stuck on one problem until the wee hours of the morning and find that I had not only not solved the one in front of me but the rest of the assignment was still waiting. Alanon has helped me realize that I don't have to be perfect, nothing is and neither am I. My persistance tends to keep me stuck instead of moving me forward. This leads to frustration. Today I am working better and actually asking myself "How Important Is It"? Oh and actually asking for help if I'm stuck...Oh My that's different:)
Like many here, I struggle with patience but I also struggle with boundaries. IN my work I need fast progress. Those that don't make fast progress are more likely to fail (and make my life harder). In my own life I want things sorted quickly. I am currently having my patience tested with an issue with my flat that I"m having to work with the council on. And I'm also struggling with patience with my ABF. I have been patient through many "I'm getting better" conversations while the reality is he's been drinking non stop for around 4 months now - no more than 2 days off, 5 max. I'm being patient by not yelling, not demanding. I know I can't change him. my struggle is understanding whether I am being patient or not making changes that need to be made. Is my "patience" just inertia and fear to change? Or am I showing patience by acknowledging that change doesn't happen immediately and that his journey takes time too? I am focusing more on me and my journey, but am I allowing myself to be taken advantage of by not confronting his behaviour and what I believe to be his lack of progress? It is not my place to change him but is my patience making me a martyr to his illness?
Any feedback welcomed.
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
MizzB - my best suggestion is working through the steps with a sponsor. I was 'wishy-washy' often trying to determine if I was actually detaching vs. ignoring vs. stuffing 'life' and emotions and things. The steps really helped me uncover patterns of thinking, emoting and behaving that gave more meaning so I could be/do different AND have comfort in doing so.
I believe anytime I am questioning what am I feeling, I am learning and growing. There is never any shame in being uncertain with self or others - what's been comforting to me is that I do try to put me first and consider me in the process. I often (before recovery) didn't even include me in many decisions as I felt it was far more important to fix others 'first'. Recovery showed me differently - I should work on me and let others do them and I had to be taught to live my life and not go into a 'holding pattern' waiting for change to happen.
I believe if you do the steps with a sponsor, you'll find your answers.....(((Hugs))) - and just FYI - how you answer now can and might be different than another point of time in the future. We are designed perfectly to be dynamic imperfect humans.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I guess I struggle with patience too. When I make a plan, I keep to it amd if that plan gets altered, especially if it's outside of my control then I still want the plan done the way and in the time it was supposed to be done. That's not very patient.
