The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just a update. I slept downstairs last night and this morning I got up and the alcoholic left for work. I did absolutely nothing, I mean nothing to clean the house. I am off on sick leave from work and usually I have the house cleaned and have a meal cooked, chorus done around the house, groceries bought ect. When he comes home from work, I have things done for a cozy home. Last night I finally said I had enough again of being verbally abused. I left the house today, went and looked at an apartment, and I really liked it. I completed the application and drove around all afternoon looking at areas I want to live. i went home, got my computer and swimming outfit and went to the steam room, and swam, I really enjoyed myself. I was just not wanting to return home. No, No, NO. I just did not want to return there, at all. I went and got myself a hotel room for 2 nights. I said screw everything, he wants to treat me like crap, well. I am out of here. I am now in a hotel room and enjoying it. Its not the best hotel in the city I live in but its better than being at home with the sick alcoholic and hearing his feel sorry for me BS and his verbal vomit directed at me. I am so fed up with being treated like crap and abused, taken advantage of.
I can only imagine his surprise and shock to see that nothing got done around the house, its left as exactly as he left the mess and I am gone with my computer and he has no idea where I am at! I do not care, I need to take a break from the insanity. I just can not take the verbal abuse and drinking another day. He becomes very verbally abusive toward me when he starts to drink. I am not going to tolerate it. I am done. He called me and I returned his call an hour after he called and he said did you snap. I am worried about you, I came home and your gone and I have not heard from you. Why suddenly concerned about me? Why? Because I am not at home like a dog, waiting for you to be abuse me after you had a few drinks? He said are you coming home tonight and I said I do not know what the heck I am doing, I am just living in my car and I am not sure I know what I am doing and ended the conversation, hang up. I have said enough is enough. I am going to take control of my life. I am not going to be treated like crap anymore by a drunk. I made some more phone calls about apartments and have another viewing on Monday. I am concerned, how will I survive till I move out? I need help till I can move out. I just can not afford to stay in a hotel till the end of the month.
I also, got the name of 3 lawyers who deal with division of property. I will be contacting them as well. I am so needing sanity. I need to move out for good. I can not live with the active drinking another day. Its daily. Tomorrow night I will be going to a domestic violence group and get additional supports. I just need sanity and a sane home to live in.
I sent him a text message and said I finally snapped and I have had enough of the drinking. I said I just can not take it anymore around me. I said to him, I have told you over and over to drink else where, but you will not listen, you continue to drink in the house. I said I can not do this anymore.
I am enjoying this quite alone. I so need it. I am so relieved, that for this moment, I am safe and feeling very sane and happy! Tomorrow, I will look for another apartment again. Tired, at this moment as I had a long day. I am so grateful, so grateful, that for this moment I am safe and feel so great! I am not scared, just happy, no craziness going on. Just me and this hotel room. I am so grateful, I took the step to say NO, NO, I will not go home tonight, I will take care of me! I will put me first!
Feeling worries, about having to return home Friday..I just do not want to go back there to the alcoholic. I just can not stand to be in the same house as him. I just want this happiness to keep going! This sanity and quite!
((((joker)))). I have been following your updates. I am new here so I don't have a lot of wisdom to share but I saw no one had responded yet and wanted to reach out.
I also have a lot of fears about my survival. It can be consuming. Since starting to take Al Anon more seriously I am trying to narrow things in to one day at a time. Because my life has become unmanageable there are many things that demand my attention and this can cause a lot of fears to come up. It can overwhelm my whole day and my thinking can become obsessive and depressed worrying about all the things that are uncertain in my life. Taking one day at a time, and saying "just for today" is helping me a lot.
Thank you for sharing your updates. All the best with everything!
(((Joker))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. May your day unfold as intended and your peace continue...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am celebrating your progress with you, applause! applause!!!!!!
The fact that you are aware of the "game"... Your post reminds me of him pulling me back in again and again... actually I allowed myself to be pulled back in because of my inability to accept reality with honest glasses... because my heart was so very desperate for the experience of love... and I wanted the love from HIM.... it had to come from ONLY HIM, someone who didn't even know how to care for or love himself, how crazy is that? Just as an active alcoholic keeps "forgetting" the pain and humiliation... I did too. and we kept on like this for many years.
Al-anon gave me the understanding that the experience of love would have to begin with ME (Let it begin with me) ... that I'd have to provide it for myself FIRST (First things first) .... with the faith and belief that I deserve love, and I myself am Love.
THIS is what I see you doing (((big hugs))) To your Higher Power, receive my praise and thanks for what You accomplish through the willingness of my sisterfriend (((joker))) I pray that she keeps "feeling" where the energies of peace and love are coming from.... and that she continues to move in that direction (((((freedom)))))
Your post reminds me of an old song, Go Where the Love Is by Edie Brickell, it has guided me many times (I'd pull it up for you on youtube but I am not very tech savvy)
"Go where the love is Go where the love is Go where the love is And you won't be lost again"
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 23rd of November 2017 11:30:36 AM
-- Edited by 2HP on Thursday 23rd of November 2017 11:40:32 AM
