I am feeling so angry this morning again. The feeling inside me feels so awful. I feel in rage. I went to a face to face meeting last night and shared my feelings. I was so angry and i cried. I came home to the alcoholic drunk and he spend hours, upon hours talking to to his ex-wife who he says he plans to go back to. I ignored him as he talked to her, while i was in the bedroom. I then got so mad, I mean mad, as i had spent the past 3 years fixing up the house here and this is how i am treated? I was livid. Cleaning, fixing up the house gorgeous. planting trees in front of the house, putting new floors in the living room, bedrooms, basement, ect. I was at the end of my rope. I got out of bed and was thinking, how dare you, and i went up to him and punched him in the side of the face. I was just livid. I was angry that i spend so much time fixing up the house and this is what i get? this is my home and because of his alcoholism, i have to move out in the middle of winter and he gets to stay here? I was so, so, angry. He then went onto say, I have no rights to this house despite me having title on the house. I know the law, and I will make an appointment with a lawyer and I am going to get every penny out of this house. I have had enough of the bs. He says you are only eligible for what you put in. I am like nope, that is now how the law works. Once I am on title, I own half. I have an appointment to see an apartment on Tuesday, a basement suite, and I will see it and most likely take it. When I leave, my plan is to take everything, I mean everything I can. He wants to hurt me, try and destroy me, watch out, he has not seen anything yet. I want to ripe this house apart at this moment. Rather I am instead writing out this rage I feel. I am so done and he can pay the bills here as I will not be around to help put the roof over his head. He can see suffering. Let his ex-wife help him. I do not care. Let her pay the bills for him. She can have the miserable drunk that is insane! I have had enough of his drunkenness. I thought of getting a restraining order on him, but what is the use? I have to focus, one step at a time, one moment at a time. Take logical steps, do not do anything. Just do the next right thing. I am so angry, that I have to move out, leave my home behind. I have enough and I rather live in a basement suite where I am safe then live in this miserable place another day! I will be getting ready and leave for the day. I have to think what is my best interest? What must i do to protect myself? He is insane, complete insane and I have just become like him. I am so angry, so angry. I am so angry at myself for my actions. I know if I were to go to court, I would be able to get a restraining order and have him removed from the house. I have enough evidence. I am so done, I just keep thinking, just wait, just wait, when I am done with you, DJ, you will be the one out on the streets. This house will be gone, as the bank will take it back and you will be suffering more than I will be. I am so livid, just livid. I have to think, do not react, do not react, just take the next logical steps. What are the steps, what must I do? Do not react. God help me not to react, help me to stay calm. Help me to not think one step at a time, one step at a time. I am so angry, so angry. I know I have to leave for my sanity. Its the only logical thing to do. I deserve to have a sane safe life. I am going to get it. I am not going to continue to live this life. I deserve better. I deserve a real happy life. I have to not react. God help me. God help me not to think in a bad way, but a good logical way. Help me to take the right steps that keeps my sanity in tact. I have to think, think one step, one moment at a time! 

Today, my plans are to leave the house and just take care of me. Go visit and have some laughs and just take care of me. Its all about me, me, me,. 

Thanks for letting me share this intensive rage I feel. I need to share this for my own sanity. I need to let you all know, my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces and all I can do is cry as I am so angry. Angry at the betray,what I allowed, for putting myself into this situation. For my poor behavior, my reaction, with anger.