The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about the power of recovery and that if we work this program earnestly, we find that it involves as much unlearning as it does learning. Many of us arrive at recovery hoping for the 'secret answer' to make our loved one stop drinking. We believe we need this to be happy and live happily ever after! Enter - Acceptance of life on life's terms....powerful, possible and progressive as we practice our program.
Yet, when we are open minded, we find that Al-Anon instead offers us (not them or anyone else) a way to look to self for happiness and our own lives for enrichment. Many of us had to unlearn a lot of romantic nonsense in order to find a satisfying life in the present here and now.
Recovery gives us a blueprint to find balance between taking care of self and being there for others with unconditional love vs. fairy-tale love.
Today's Reminder --- Recovery can involve as much unlearning as learning. My security cannot be based on learning "the rules," because once I truly learn them, they change. With my Higher Power's help, I will find some security in being exactly where I am today.
Today's Quote from As We Understood --- "The Twelve Steps of our program have led me to a faith in God today which is based on acceptance of the world as it is. I no longer agonize over how the world should be."
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I can so relate to this reading. I arrived at Al-Anon wanting the secret cure to make my A(s) to stop drinking. Even though I was in AA recovery, I'd never been to Al-Anon and truly did not know what it was about. When I arrived and it was suggested I work on me, and there was no discussion of 'them', their insanity, the pain they caused, etc. I was a bit angry and confused.
I returned after more insanity more defeated and broken. I decided to give it a try. Small suggestions resulted in different outcomes, and I got a little hope. When I truly embraced Alcoholism as a disease, and accepted how powerless I was, things changed even more.
I was one who wanted the "Leave It to Beaver" family. Calm, warm, loving with few moments of trouble. My reality was so far removed from what I defined 'family' as, I spent a ton of time, energy and effort trying to fix everything but me. I was beyond insane and exhausted, I was truly broken to my core.
Practicing the program as best I can has allowed me to be free of 'me'. My negative thinking, my distorted views, my controlling, etc. have all improved drastically. I would love to say I don't EVER dream about 'what I think life and the world should be', but it's not my primary obsession....more often, it comes up when there are real tragedies in our world than in my home.
So grateful for recovery, MIP and acceptance! Happy Thursday to one and all - it's only 48 degrees here - Fall arrived super quickly! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi IAH, Great reading-- I too needed to unlearn many of my romantic, unrealistic notions when I first entered program.
Naturally, in the beginning of this alanon journey, I did not accept this fact as I truly believed that I was"Perfect" and everyone else was wrong. I am so glad that I stayed with an open mind so that I could work the Steps, with a sponsor and gain some much needed insights into my destructive beliefs. i found that honestly examining my motives was the most powerful exercise,that alanon provided
Great reading and thanks for your service .
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I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself: I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.
Thank you, IAH for your service. This is a good reading today!
I too, was brought up with the notion and belief of romantic love. I lived my life with all the "this is what A should look like," "this is what B should look like," etc. And when my life began to get chaotic and didn't match my "should's"... what did I do? Well what I do best of course! I tried to control, manage, organize... you name it, I tried to mold my life to the standards I had in my head, instead of accepting Life on Life's terms.
Even though I found Al-Anon the first time around, it wasn't until THIS go 'round that I truly began to embrace Acceptance of WHAT IS. Not only that, but acceptance that I can move on in my life without the "fairy tale." The Program has allowed me to examine myself and to help me put "in check" my needs to direct everything... b/c I don't really need to do that!
It is not perfection for me... just yesterday I had a low day b/c for some reason. I kept seeing all these couples (of all ages) walking hand in hand. I found it sad that I don't have that right now... and may never. But the best part is that I can look to this Program and remember to live each day One Day at a Time!
Namaste
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
What a great read and exactly where I feel that I am. I think I am mourning the loss of the life I thought I would have this time around. This is my second marriage, both to A(s). I showed up here in alanon after a crisis and was hoping to find answers that would help me to help him get sober. But as time moves on I am seeing that it really is not up to me. I have to make some changes for me so I can be ok. It feels unnatural to me to not want to fix him so I know this will take time and effort on my part. I am early in this journey and I am finding this board and the people here to be supportive and helpful. It is nice to not feel so alone.
