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Post Info TOPIC: Fear


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 4813
Date:
Fear


I've had the old head for a wee while. This feeling of dis-ease. Thinking it's the old fears creeping in. I've been having nightmares they are like horror movies blood and violence and death and I've had fear for my family. That old something bad is going to happen I can feel it type of thing. I hate that my children are  effected. I don't know how far things will go. My son who has a problem with drink really worries me especially when he's doing OK just for today. I'm uneasy in the peace. I always hated the waiting. It's been a while since I've got this bad but it's not as bad now I have all the alanon people and also I love having a higher power. This faith is powerful I feel despite everything I've got this belief that all is just as it should be and there is help available to all of us. Thanks for reading.x



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 15046
Date:

Lovely, insightful share LC . Fear has always been with me as I am human and it is a feeling .

I am so glad that I learned in alanon that being courageous simply meant that I have the fear, acknowledged it and then acted in a healthy constructive manner anyway .

Prior to program, I believed that being courageous meant i had "no fear" another attitude that needed adjustment. Living one day at a time with an attitude of gratitude helps me to enjoy the moments in the day and trust HP with the future.
Sending positive thoughts your way .

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

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Posts: 470
Date:

Hi el-cee,
I am sorry you are feeling this way. I have had a lot of chaos in my life and get uneasy feelings all the time. Sometimes just the weather on a certain day can trigger it. The Alanon program has helped me to know that my higher power loves me and that can bring me a lot of comfort. I hope you feel better soon.

__________________

Sharon 



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7170
Date:

el-cee - sending you tons of love and positive support. I know that being in that place of fear is uncomfortable and often am reminded that 'this too shall pass.' It feels it never will in the moment yet it always does. Prayers too girl!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

Bo


Senior Member

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Posts: 393
Date:

For me, fear comes into play when I get knocked off track, off balance, etc. It happens when I get into that stinking thinking mode -- old feelings, thoughts, mindset, and more of the like. Yes, they creep in. Sometimes they arrive like a meteor, LOL. That feeling of uneasiness, unknown, a lack or absence of control.hat a It is hard to describe. What I've found is that accepting that I feel this way, and surrendering to it -- that allows whatever I am facing to not just keep getting bigger and bigger, bigger than it realistically is, and it allows me to not let it consume me. It's like I simply apply Step One to the fear -- I feel it, embrace it, almost stop trying to fight it. That for me, is surrendering to it. I then find I can "let it go" so to speak, and that allows me to get a handle on whatever it is I am facing. We are human, so feeling fear is normal.

I like what hotrod said -- about acknowledging it and acting in a healthy, constructive manner. That's the part where I can handle what it is I need to handle -- what it really is, not what the fear might have done to me and convinced me it was. Reality vs. fear-created. I once heard someone in a meeting say that fear can stand for -- False Evidence Appearing Real. A fear that is real vs. one that is not? Well, that is a age-old debate, LOL. I like to face my fears -- right up front. I recognize it. I see it as a little monster in the corner of the room. I see it, and I say to it, hey, I know you, I've seen you before -- and I am going to face you and deal with it -- and I am not going to let you get bigger and bigger, whether in reality or in my own mind. That type of thinking allows me to keep fear in a healthy and proper perspective for me.

Thanks for sharing everyone.

__________________

Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 503
Date:

el-cee wrote:

I've had the old head for a wee while. This feeling of dis-ease. Thinking it's the old fears creeping in. I've been having nightmares they are like horror movies blood and violence and death and I've had fear for my family. That old something bad is going to happen I can feel it type of thing. I hate that my children are  effected. I don't know how far things will go. My son who has a problem with drink really worries me especially when he's doing OK just for today. I'm uneasy in the peace. I always hated the waiting. It's been a while since I've got this bad but it's not as bad now I have all the alanon people and also I love having a higher power. This faith is powerful I feel despite everything I've got this belief that all is just as it should be and there is help available to all of us. Thanks for reading.x


 ((((((((((((el-cee)))))))))))))) I hear ya....been in a funk myself...I am terrified and anxious that when my doctor abandons me becuz she aint in the family practice anymore, I won't find another doc who will keep me on my medicine so I can ----wow!! WORK---FUNCTION.....wish I could do those things w/out the anti anxiety drugs...but i can't....so here I sit...worried I won't be able to care for myself....i know, I am silly to think this, but I remember in CA , I did have a problem finding a doc who would medicate me and I crashed..ended up in hospital...couldn't do anything b/c the anxiety was so bad i was actually SICK........so i empathize with you....for me?? there hasn't been peace since Dec...its been one thing after another, so bad that I cannot concentrate, stay in the now, stay grounded, be mindful, be in my body....I am not doing well....Sure wish I really believed that I will be OK....sure do........glad to see you on...I was wondering where you were....so sorry things are not so good right now...I have to keep saying to me  "this will pass."  and that "today I am ok"......hard but I just make me do my positive self talk....



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Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 503
Date:

Bo wrote:

For me, fear comes into play when I get knocked off track, off balance, etc. It happens when I get into that stinking thinking mode -- old feelings, thoughts, mindset, and more of the like. Yes, they creep in. Sometimes they arrive like a meteor, LOL. That feeling of uneasiness, unknown, a lack or absence of control.hat a It is hard to describe. What I've found is that accepting that I feel this way, and surrendering to it -- that allows whatever I am facing to not just keep getting bigger and bigger, bigger than it realistically is, and it allows me to not let it consume me. It's like I simply apply Step One to the fear -- I feel it, embrace it, almost stop trying to fight it. That for me, is surrendering to it. I then find I can "let it go" so to speak, and that allows me to get a handle on whatever it is I am facing. We are human, so feeling fear is normal.

I like what hotrod said -- about acknowledging it and acting in a healthy, constructive manner. That's the part where I can handle what it is I need to handle -- what it really is, not what the fear might have done to me and convinced me it was. Reality vs. fear-created. I once heard someone in a meeting say that fear can stand for -- False Evidence Appearing Real. A fear that is real vs. one that is not? Well, that is a age-old debate, LOL. I like to face my fears -- right up front. I recognize it. I see it as a little monster in the corner of the room. I see it, and I say to it, hey, I know you, I've seen you before -- and I am going to face you and deal with it -- and I am not going to let you get bigger and bigger, whether in reality or in my own mind. That type of thinking allows me to keep fear in a healthy and proper perspective for me.

Thanks for sharing everyone.


 WOW!!! I am in fear mode of late, especially whenI found out i am losing my doctor of 15 years......gonna try this....to feel...embrace....stop fighting it....yea, this makes sense....love your analogy about the monster in the corner of the room............what I've been doing is to be DOING stuff fun..like tennis, basketball, swimming, instead of feeding my fears....and doing self talk, like  "OK, you will find another doc...just meet with the new one and just tell your truth and show them your medical history which i kept in a file..."   i just say that I will be OK........for me??? change sucks...I fear change...change used to mean disaster....i am not as bad as i used to be, but it is a weak spot...........thanks for your , as usual, powerful and insightful share........



__________________

Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***

Bo


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 393
Date:

mamalioness wrote:
Bo wrote:

For me, fear comes into play when I get knocked off track, off balance, etc. It happens when I get into that stinking thinking mode -- old feelings, thoughts, mindset, and more of the like. Yes, they creep in. Sometimes they arrive like a meteor, LOL. That feeling of uneasiness, unknown, a lack or absence of control.hat a It is hard to describe. What I've found is that accepting that I feel this way, and surrendering to it -- that allows whatever I am facing to not just keep getting bigger and bigger, bigger than it realistically is, and it allows me to not let it consume me. It's like I simply apply Step One to the fear -- I feel it, embrace it, almost stop trying to fight it. That for me, is surrendering to it. I then find I can "let it go" so to speak, and that allows me to get a handle on whatever it is I am facing. We are human, so feeling fear is normal.

I like what hotrod said -- about acknowledging it and acting in a healthy, constructive manner. That's the part where I can handle what it is I need to handle -- what it really is, not what the fear might have done to me and convinced me it was. Reality vs. fear-created. I once heard someone in a meeting say that fear can stand for -- False Evidence Appearing Real. A fear that is real vs. one that is not? Well, that is a age-old debate, LOL. I like to face my fears -- right up front. I recognize it. I see it as a little monster in the corner of the room. I see it, and I say to it, hey, I know you, I've seen you before -- and I am going to face you and deal with it -- and I am not going to let you get bigger and bigger, whether in reality or in my own mind. That type of thinking allows me to keep fear in a healthy and proper perspective for me.

Thanks for sharing everyone.


 WOW!!! I am in fear mode of late, especially whenI found out i am losing my doctor of 15 years......gonna try this....to feel...embrace....stop fighting it....yea, this makes sense....love your analogy about the monster in the corner of the room............what I've been doing is to be DOING stuff fun..like tennis, basketball, swimming, instead of feeding my fears....and doing self talk, like  "OK, you will find another doc...just meet with the new one and just tell your truth and show them your medical history which i kept in a file..."   i just say that I will be OK........for me??? change sucks...I fear change...change used to mean disaster....i am not as bad as i used to be, but it is a weak spot...........thanks for your , as usual, powerful and insightful share........


 

You are welcome, and thank you very much...I hear you. I've had fear like this before. When my sponsor moved to FL, I had such fear. When I was in the abyss, and struggling, etc. -- we used to talk every single day. We'd meet a couple of times a week, before or after meetings, we did so much work together, and he saved my life. I was so afraid that he just wouldn't be "there" any more. Instead of knowing he was 15 minutes away, and that I'd see him a few times a week; now I knew he's be a thousand miles away, and I'd never see him. However, we made it work. He's still my sponsor. I do a face to face once a week Blueprint For Progress with another person, who has become a second, quasi-sponsor. The label doesn't matter to me. It works...if you work it. LOL.

I like what you said about doing fun stuff. Yes, that works for me too. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's self-care, sometimes I don't know, but it doesn't matter because it works! LOL. I don't ignore it or neglect to address it. I just do it, one task, one step, one action at a time. Change does suck. LOL. I am a creature of habit so change for me sucks. LOL. I just moved, from my home of 15 years, and for the first week, I forgot my wallet, money, keys, phone, or something else, every single day! Simply because it was in a new spot, new place, new home, etc. LOL. And, I love my new home, but it's change. I like what you said about feeding your fears. For me, that's where the monster in the corner of the room starts getting bigger and bigger...and that's because I am feeding him! LOL.

Thank you again.

 



__________________

Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 503
Date:

I like what you said about doing fun stuff. Yes, that works for me too. Sometimes it's a distraction, sometimes it's self-care, sometimes I don't know, but it doesn't matter because it works! LOL. I don't ignore it or neglect to address it. I just do it, one task, one step, one action at a time. Change does suck. LOL. I am a creature of habit so change for me sucks. LOL. I just moved, from my home of 15 years, and for the first week, I forgot my wallet, money, keys, phone, or something else, every single day! Simply because it was in a new spot, new place, new home, etc. LOL. And, I love my new home, but it's change. I like what you said about feeding your fears. For me, that's where the monster in the corner of the room starts getting bigger and bigger...and that's because I am feeding him! LOL.

Thank you again.
**********************************************
Oh (((Bo))) thank you for posting, I don't feel so alone in my fear....shes retiring and I don't know HOW i am gonna replace her...it took me 2 years to tell her about my abuse and another couple of years to go into detail so she could understand WHY my brain synapses don't "fire right" I was in this clinic in CA where they did testing on GAD patients....to qualify we had to have had severe GAD lasting more than 6 months...I was the ultimate poster child b/c mine had been going on for YEARS.....oh yea, my lovely family made SURE i would have the "best send off" in life they could do.....so anyway, all that testing, interviews, tests, etc., i learned a lot about mental illness and have done extensive research on it since the internet came out and i could research on line...I understand my afflictions and that helps some....good diet...good rest (try but fail sometimes)...cutting out drama/chaos whereever i can (hard when life keeps tossing BS unwanted events at me) ..exercise...deep brreathing and sharing with trusted friends, sponsor who happens to be my best friend in the whole world.....I do it all to help me....self talk...inner child work but its not just "in my head" its BIO physical as well, so I do ALL i can to mitigate/lessen the symptoms and the horrid sickness I feel......thanks for sharing such an honest post....and yea, change SUCKS!!!!!!! but the GOOD news is that after I go through all the BS of fear and my symptoms, I do adjust better, I think...........thank YOU for being here

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Rose:

*** KEEP IT SIMPLE***



~*Service Worker*~

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Date:

Hug EC,

I love the line in Dark of the Moon, "It ain't easy being human."

That's a true story.

Hugs S :)

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"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 4813
Date:

Thank you for your kind comments. Still in the fear mode. The black what ifs but it will pass and my higher power has got this.x

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 7170
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Hey girl - just another thought - when I feel stuck (in fear, in anger, in other icky emotions), my sponsor always suggests I go B2B - Back to Basics....we even go through the discussion of, I am powerless over _____________, and my life (or thinking or emotions) is unmanageable. And move through the steps in a less formal way. It does help me to frame whatever has me stuck in the program format....I guess it works for me as that format was the only thing that worked for my 'life' as it was when I arrived.

Still sending you tons of prayers and positive thoughts - you got this (with HP)!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks iam that is exactly what my sponsor said back to step 1. I am powerless so no point fretting about things that haven't happened might never happen and there's not a lot I can do if anything does happen x

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1005
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Hi El Cee, I get it. I've been having a ton of anxiety lately and some of it is because my son is anxious about starting a new chapter in his life and going to college, etc. I tend to absorb the fears of those around me by default, I guess. I need to remember that I am powerless over how he feels and that his path is his own. I, myself, need to go back to step 1 today big time!

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
a4l


~*Service Worker*~

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I hit step one all the time. Not so much face first these days, but still a hit. Progress not perfection, huh! Wishing you well.

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"When one door is closed, don't you know,another is open?" Bob Marley.

Bo


Senior Member

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Posts: 393
Date:

Yes, step one, and all of the work in and around it has so often helped me with fear. I take that fear, whatever it is, and apply step one to it...I am powerless over ________________ (fill in the blank). I am powerless over it. I don't fight it. I admit I am feeling it...and I don't let it, and with that proclamation of being powerless over it, with that admitting, with that ACCEPTANCE, it doesn't consume me. That to me is the acceptance. I accept that I am powerless over it. When I don't fight it, it allows me to surrender to it...and then let it go. Then I am able to face it and handle it -- in a healthy way, in it's proper and healthy perspective.

Thanks to everyone for posting your experience and perspective.

__________________

Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 



~*Service Worker*~

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This has always been a constructive subject for me because fear was a primary emotion as a child of the disease and then a partner spouse and then also as an alcoholic myself.  I have no limit of gratitude for the rooms of the AFG as all of the understanding and help on this subject came from there.  My sponsors were very heavy on me doing my inventory work the deeper and wider the better and I love investigation myself especially when I was going to directly benefit from it.  

The definition False Evidence Appearing Real was intriguing and rocket science  for me as the appearing real part of that definition applied.  I acted as if it were real without real proof so my head and spirit was dreaming it up and my head was buying it.  I use to have violent nightmares as a consequence which was part of the "real" description because my body and mind and emotions was "acting as if"...insane!!  

I was tense much of the time and my expectations were focused on negative happening and I came to the realization since most of the time negative really didn't happen I was wasting a lot of time that could have been "happy" time.   It all sucked.

My inventory found that fear was closely tied to anger and rage and I was primed constantly to strike out at an people, place or thing I felt or thought was about to attack me. That reaction got me in lots of trouble and I hurt many people not being able to express my fears appropriately.  

Learning to admit after inventory that my fears were unfounded and could be safely be released was a miracle.  Learning how to say "I am or was wrong" about anything I surmised could scare or hurt me was growth and today I've added a great deal of patience and acceptance to anything that might even seem like it would cause me trouble. I love the patience tool because then I can take different perspectives of what seems to be a problem before responding or letting it go away.

I am still not perfect at it and it is getting much better.    Thanks for letting me share in your recoveries.   (((((hugs))))) smile 



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