The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page describes the change that occurred over time while a member worked a recovery program including regular AlAnon meetings, literature, even open AA meetings: they came to see alcoholism as a disease and made adjustments in their expectations. They were able to see their qualifier as ill, not as a bad person, and were able to find serenity.
Something that had to go: expecting an active alcoholic to keep every promise and the guaranteed disappointment that comes along with it. In it's place: compassion for the qualifier as someone struggling with a disease.
Today's Reminder: Learning about the disease can help in setting realistic expectations and making better choices.
"I have learned techniques for dealing with the alcoholic, so that I can develop a relationship with the person behind the disease." - AlAnon Faces Alcoholism
******************* Changing my expectations plays a large role in my recovery and return to sanity. AlAnon helped me realize that my own attitudes and actions were not healthy and needed adjustment, regardless of whether I was dealing with an alcoholic or not.
By following the suggestions of AlAnon and focusing on making the changes in myself, I discovered that my perspective and behavior was often the root of my unhappiness, not my qualifier. When I focus on changing me, I am in control of my serenity and contribute to a much better atmosphere in the home, regardless of where my qualifier was in their recovery.
So grateful for the wisdom and guidance of the program
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good morning, Paul, thanks for bringing this reading today.
Seeing alcoholism as a disease was a real game changer for me. I was able to answer my questions of "Why doesn't she just..." and "How could she possibly not see that coming?" with "Alcoholism is a disease, and she is doing the best she can." That allowed me to give up on my unrealistic expectations and let go of my disappointment. It was the first step toward figuring out how I wanted to live my life and setting boundaries and limits so I would not have to deal with the chaos that followed "questionable" or "illogical" decisions. I would not have been able to do this without the program, and I am thankful for the positive changes in my life.
I hope everyone has a lovely day!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Paul , Changed expectations do aid recovery. Finally accepting that my attitudes were causing me tremendous difficulties, enabled me to work a 4 th and 5th step on my long held beliefs and learn to accept life on life's terms as well as feel gratitude for all my blessings and the beauty of the world
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily! Thanks to you and Skorpi for your shares and ESH.
I am one that continues to explore how the disease affects me and those I love. I accepted last night that even when the substances are removed, my qualifiers are extremely unpredictable and the illness still reigns. I am testing the waters with new boundaries and again, there is some resistance. It's been a while since I've adjusted my tolerance for the disease so my brain understands the resistance and the challenge. Yet, my heart still hurts for what feels like the never-ending divide between me and those I love with this disease.
I trust God has a plan and it's in progress. I trust that all will be as it should be. Yet, a part of me still mourns for what I had wanted/thought parenting would be like. I have all the tools I need to process, heal and move forward yet at times, still have denial over how things 'are'.
Grateful for my face-to-face meeting today and the fellowship pot luck we are having after....taking lasagna and excited for the fun, food and fellowship!
Happy Hump Day and (((hugs))) to all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
