The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about step two and specifically the phrase 'restore us to sanity'. For many of us using the word insanity seems overly dramatic or harsh. That's definitely how I felt until I started coming here, going to meetings, reading the literature and working a program. What could be called insane? In my case-- thinking I would have any effect one way or another about whether my A would change his behavior. It was calling a few of his friends at 5am because I didn't know where he was. It was locking him out of the house or making sure everything was unlocked so he could get in and not wake up the whole house. In short, it was trying to manage the unmanageable and accept the unacceptable. For me, that's insanity.
There is one part that is realizing the insanity and another in trusting and letting go that our HP can help restore us. I am a willful creature and need constant reminders that my HP has a plan for me. I'm relieved that my life is no longer centered around chaos. I continue to work on trying to let go and trust that all is going according to plan. I'm grateful to be here wih all of you working on it!
Good Morning Mary, Thank you for this important reminder regarding Step 2. I certainly did not know (nor could I accept) that my thinking and doing were insane prior to program. Being unable to keep in denial and pretend (my go to tools), I fortunately found alanon and began the slow, process of uncovering my destructive (insane) concepts, and beliefs.
The Steps, meetings where I was ( listening to learn) a sponsor all helped me to truly "see" and provided me with wonderful constructive tools to live by.
I began to thrive and finally accept that my way of denying reality, pretending I was happy and that all was well in the midst of and really bad behavior was not acceptable and there was a better way. I could not have been able to admit this without this Step and the belief that there was a Power " greater than myself and the alcoholic who cared and would help .I moved to Step 3 quickly.
Thanks for your service. I pray you have a wonderful day
Thank you for sharing this Mary, I don't have my Hope book today and this is a great page.
Before I found AlAnon, I didn't identify with a higher power and felt I was responsible for everything. Fortunately, I was wrong about that, as I was about many other things. It is no surprise as I look back as to the reason my life was unmanageable and actions were insane.
So grateful I don't think I am responsible for it all, and have a higher power that is
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily.....thank you Mary, Betty and Paul for your shares and ESH. I can so relate to the insanity BR (Before Recovery) and my desire to assume total responsibility for the actions/behaviors of my A(s). My denial about how the disease affected my sanity was possibly greater than those I love with this disease. I add to the insane thinking my obsession with the If...............Then............ way I approached most issues, situations and events. I truly believed in some part of my being that I could fix, control, cure, etc. the disease - that was a huge part of my insanity.
So grateful that working this program has helped me to think/be different. I still get crazy, but less often. I still consider trying to manage/control, but less often. I still allow the disease to rock my world, but less often. I am so very grateful for progress and not perfection in recovery - that keeps me coming back with an open mind willing to learn and do more for me, my journey and my sanity.
Make it a great Tuesday all - I'm cooking today for our Al-Anon pot luck tomorrow and headed out to golf in a short while with my sponsor. I love how God puts fellowship and support in my life just when/as I need it! (((Hugs))) to all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
a good opportunity for me to pull out my HFT and have a read. At one time I followed a pundit on Step 2 who said there was never any sanity to restore myself to. This was not wrong of me- just the stage I was at then.
It took me back to the point that all of society and all of our families are inherently crazy and dysfunctional. Period.
Now I have a view and a vision of a better world, and an improved family system- my own. As a result of my years in Alanon my kids and grand-kids have a much better future, as a family system. I can see this more clearly as I get older.
I can think of myself as a kid- bright eyed and bushy tailed. With hopes and dreams. My mum actually noticed that the light went out of my eyes. She actually said where has the light in your eyes gone? It wasn't until a long time later- 20 years that she got out of the marriage and created a new life for herself.
Looking back- I am sure there were some wider social issues. In my lifetime woman got rights. They were able to get out of a marriage with some assets. Many women were able to control their fertility a lot easier too.
In Alanon we used to say- 10% of women leave their alcoholic husband, and 10% of husbands stay with their alcoholic wives. Okay- so this was a ginormous rule of thumb. But it does sum up attitudes in the bad old days.
Alanon has come of age in my lifetime. A lot of the time I was the only man in the group. Now men man up and come along too.
Sitting in the rooms is a great privilege. We do get to hear it all. I initially it helped me to figure just what my mum went through. But slowly it seeped into me- and helped me to realise just what i was going through!
I seem to have freewheeled with my share here. But this is a safe place to do this... ...I have taken up a little sharing time, which has become my own personal space. it does give me a sense of me- something that was lost- in the bad old days.
So my view of sanity and emotional health has changed. I have grown, by the grace of god. I have become a part of a body of people- y'all, in fact, which today i choose to call- we all.
Thanks for this. The number one thing I have needed and still need to be restored to was and is my relationship with my higher power. Believing my HP wanted to punish me was the first sanity breaker.
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 21st of April 2017 12:17:38 PM
also recognizing through this the humility piece.. to keep coming back to remember hp isn't limited to my own understanding alone .. lots of ways for hp to understand and work through each of us .. I will never be equally as understanding as my hp .. all knowing or all powerful .. maybe equal to people's but not hps .. good read for me .. goes with that line in alanon if I think I am humble I probably am not .. always need to keep my mind and heart 'open to what 'more I can learn since I imagine that could go on forever.. so many ways to perceive the same .. thanks again !
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