The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for December 4 speaks about making choices. The reading points out that many times, before program we made our choices strictly on the basis of our feelings as if feelings were facts. If we were frightened about taking certain action then we avoided it, there was no middle ground and no room for more than one feeling at a time
Part of Al-Anon recovery involves learning that feelings are not facts. That we are complex fascinating human beings with a wide range of emotions. experiences and thoughts. There is more to identity than one feeling or another, one problem or another. Today we if we feel anger towards someone we can still love them. We can feel afraid of new experiences and can still go through them. We can survive being hurt without giving up on love, we can experience sadness and still be confident that we will be happy
We can embrace our complexities and contradictions and be grateful for the richness of a life
Quote is from Rose Macaulry; "life, for all its agonies is exciting and beautiful amusing and artful and endearing and whatever is to come after it we shall never have this life again."
I so understand that these powerful thoughts suggest that I stay in the moment, in the day with gratitude toward HP for all the goodness that I see.
Amazing concept that has taken me a long time to get my head around.
Interestingly, I think I manage to "honor my feelings" more effectively by giving them a proportionate place instead of allowing them to run the show; eg "I acknowledge that I really dislike x person however I know that being civil to them rather than raging will be better for everyone, especially my own self esteem"...I end up feeling much better and so next time around i don't try to deny the angry feelings because i know they don't have control, they are just there...this makes more sense in my head than it does in writing I think lol.
Thanks Betty.
Great page...thank you hotrod for sharing, and both for your comments. The feeling/fact concept is an area of constant work for me as my tendency is to treat my feelings as fact, while treating others' feelings as 'just' feelings: My feelings are accurate facts, and if you disagree, your feelings/actions are wrong.
This thinking allowed me to avoid taking responsibility for changing my thoughts and behavior for much of my life. AlAnon guided me to another perspective: blaming others for my anger, frustration, or hurt ensured an inflated reaction and prolonged, needless suffering on my part.
In the spirit of "Let it Begin With Me", I heard it expressed once that, though powerless over alcohol and many other things, "I have complete power over how I let people, places and things affect me, my feelings, my thoughts and my outlook." With that I have a choice: follow AlAnon guidance, make adjustments within and find peace, or insist that my discomfort is the fault of others, and continue suffering.
I am so grateful for the insight the program offers, and the ESH of those who came before me. It is a deliciously gray day here, perfect for warm drinks and football...stay warm
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Betty for your service and the daily.....I'm like Paul - so grateful for the insight the program offers. I am also a part of the gray day he speaks of - watching football now!
We had a great meeting this morning - topic of acceptance. Before recovery, not only did I react with feelings leading, I had no filter. I was just a defiant, in your face, take my ball, quit and go home person!!! Instead of processing my feelings, choosing an adult response or no response at all, I just whined and carried on. I am so grateful for the choices our program gives us.
I can choose to avoid toxic people and toxic situations. I can choose to take the high road and not engage with those who are clearly still ill. I can choose to accept others exactly as they are, and not reduce myself to their level. Finally, I can choose to be of service, and live my spiritual program as best I know each day realizing that each encounter of my life is a lesson to grow/learn from.
I am so grateful I have meetings and awesome program friends/sponsor. I get to see the same 'winners' + a few new each time I attend. We do act like a family - similar seats, tons of love and fellowship + the realization we would not be together if not for this disease. While I am not grateful the disease exists, I am grateful that my sponsor cared enough about me to suggest Al-Anon, and allow me the dignity to choose it!!
Happy Sunday - may your team win (unless you are for ATL...then - sorry...I am cheering against you today)!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
