The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been 9mths since I physically left my soon to be XAH but probally years I left him in an emotional sense. Standing alone I can see that I wasnt with my XAH for love. I had this idea after 2 failed marriages to find someone who in the future I could be secure with financially. Its way too complicated to go into my past here, like my childhood and young adulthood problems so I wont. Surfice to say that in exhange, I put up with the xah's abuse,crazy situations and I took care of the house,paid the bills,did the wifely duties,and attempted to fix him and solve all our problems. I neglected me and fiquied that it would be all worth it. It wasnt. The mental and physical and emotional toll after 25 yrs nearly drove me insane. I let myself retreat into myself and i didnt have anything to give when my HP intervened and gave me the strength to leave. i have never been happier. Then my new guy came along. He has been wonderful to me. I have so enjoyed having my real self re emerge. The funny,playful,smart, loving me. Now, though, i find myself examing some of my new man's shortcomings and starting to want him to change, improve, to totally lay out ALL his emotions,thoughts etc to me. He has always been honest and open with me but ive been insistent and demanding to "know all now". He is not a drinker but is a long time bachelor of 64.He loves me for who I am and his insights and support of me emotionally has helped me grow even more than I am growing by beig my own best friend now.We knew each other 26 yrs ago for a short time too. I feel differently about him than any man Ive known. I feel like Im standing beside him, not holding him up or running things. Please excuse my lack of referral directly too Alanon in this post. However I do employ alanon daily and with him. I keep boundaries, speak up when things dont seem right. I try not to nag or judge him.I KNOW I AM FINE BY MYSELF.
((Alyce))) Powerful share. Your tools and hard work are paying off. Becoming Honest about your pasts.by examining your motives and learning the lessons that the past has taught us, is what I see that you have done.
Thank you! You sound so clear and good. I really appreciate the honesty in this share, its one I can relate to.Its always a relief to me when I see some of my thoughts in another's mind, recognising codependent thinking in myself and feeling good about new ways of dealing with life issues. What a program
(((Alyce))) - you do sound so good! Keep working it as it looks good on you...yet another Miracle in Progress!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
