The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c reflects on the fact that many of us arrive at the doors of al-anon believing our own stories to be larger than life and highly dramatic. It makes the rather apt comparison between thinking our high-drama lives and circumstances are 'blockbusters" when they are really more like home-movies.
The reading reminds us of what a relief it is to step back from the melodrama and realise that we are not so unique and our experiences not that extraordinary; instead we find we are a part of a fellowship of equals with as many similarities as differences.
"as we learn to place our problem in it's true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and lives" (suggested al-anon/ al-ateen welcome).
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How apt this reading is for me today as I've just recently been reflecting on how very 'movie like" life used to seem. I remember feeling stunned and relieved to discover that many people in al-anon had stories just like mine and I wasn't required to dramatise or try to garner sympathy in order to be heard or understood. Instead I can share when I need to and know that there are others who understand and can "sit with me' through the hard stuff without any need for theatrics or self pity. What a relief.
Lately I've found I see people as just human. I can definitely relate to living as if a movie and remember how embarrassed I was when outside of my control, life on the periphery appeared to be a soap opera. I do believe society encourages definition by drama, its simply how we are socialised to relate and I am incredibly grateful to alanon and its patient teachings for providing sanctuary and freedom. Its very healing to see my fellow man as simply human. To know we are all just living on this planet, ultimately there is no main character and no linear plot. Life just isn't like that and thank God (however one conceives). Thank you for your service.
Agree that society encourages definition by drama and I'd add "worth through suffering". It's been a hell of a ride for me, un-learning the idea that I can only be valued or cared about by the proof of my sufferings.
No linear plot. That's a keeper too.
Glad to share the journey with you
Thanks Ms. M. and A41 for your powerful insights into this reading. Your words are so true.
Prior to entering program I thought that I was terminally unique and that nobody else was experiencing what I experienced or feeling what I felt. It was extremely powerful to enter the rooms, and to discover that I was a perfectly imperfect human being and that I could identify and belong .It was the first place where I became comfortable with my humanity and that of others.
Thanks for your service,
Thanks MissM, good thoughts, all. The AlAnon approach to keeping the focus on ourselves, rather than on the qualifier or anyone else, changed my worldview, and to some extent my world.
Most all of the negative judgments I had made about the qualifier turned out to be present in equal or greater parts in myself. I demoted myself from director to bit part, method actor, with much better methods.
Thank you MissM, thanks all, and thank you AlAnon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I have become a drama queen since then... when I began to find my own voice- but no... when i first arrived in the rooms my self esteem was a way down low... it wasn't my first meeting ever- I had been to an open public meeting ten years before- but i hadn't seen the need to go, for myself.
I recall my first meeting well. I was wearing gumboots with the tops turned down. There were other things I recall as well, but those gumboots reminded me of where my self esteem resided. ...
Thanks all. I still suffer from terminal uniqueness but it seems to go into remission quite often now, which is nice. "Bit part method actor", I like that Paul. That describes it well, lol.
David I'm glad you kept going back and learned to love you
Prior to entering program I thought that I was terminally unique and that nobody else was experiencing what I experienced or feeling what I felt. It was extremely powerful to enter the rooms, and to discover that I was a perfectly imperfect human being and that I could identify and belong .It was the first place where I became comfortable with my humanity and that of others.
Me too. Thank you for sharing this with such clarity. What a blessing and great relief to learn that we aren't terminally unique.
Putting down a big heavy weight from my shoulders.
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