The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's Courage to Change page author describes themselves as a fearful person who developed a dread of change while growing up around alcohol and chaos. The familiarity of the chaos, however, provided an illusion of some control over it.
It was in Alanon that the author learned how powerless they are over alcoholism, amongst many other things. Looking back over the positive outcome of the changes made since coming into the program, however, demonstrated that change did not have to signal something negative.
The author admits that fears have not magically disappeared, but with the help of the Program and a belief in a higher power, they no longer overwhelm.
Today's Reminder: Trusting in the god of our understanding, we can navigate life's changes with much less fear, knowing that we will be taken care of.
"We may wonder how we are going to get through all the stages and phases, the levels of growth and recovery...Knowing we are not alone often quiets our fears and helps us gain perspective." - Living With Sobriety
**************
I had no idea how strong of a grip fear held on me until AlAnon guided me to new tools and I learned I could feel differently. My fear became most evident to me when my attempts to control the disease failed, keeping me from enjoying the temporary illusion of control that I long relied upon to ease my fears.
Virtually every aspect of my life and all of my relationships, in some way, were polluted by fear. Becoming aware of this and then relying heavily on meetings, the Serenity Prayer, daily reading, meditation, and reliance on a newly established higher power, I have experienced a noticeable drop in my felt fear.
My mind still tries to trick me, telling me that I must step in or else **** might happen. Many of these things seem very scary at the time, even terrifying. I am grateful, though, that I am learning to turn things over to my higher power, and the HP of those for whom I am concerned. AlAnon is helping me explore a life with less fear, and more peace and serenity...I am so grateful
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
The Courage to Change reading for today certainly is very informative and one that I read often in early recovery.
My first fourth step revealed how fearful I truly was. I was amazed to discover that I turned my fear, (which was an extremely uncomfortable feeling whereby I felt powerless) into anger, resentment, self-pity and fear. I discovered that I did this because these were feelings, I was comfortable with and could express easily,
Practicing the program and developing a faith in a Power greater than myself, enabled me to look at my fears, stop reacting to it , and develop a healthy response of prayer for help . I very rarely feel fear any longer because I do have a deep faith in a Power greater than myself and I know that I will be given, as I have in the past, courage, serenity and wisdom to face life on life's terms
Thanks for your service Paul and have a lovely day
Thanks Paul.
Fear is such a huge topic; it dominated my life for so long. I can't say it still doesn't to some extent but the list of fear-inducers has certainly shrunk. I know that I feared any change that might force me to stop living in my comfortable bubble of denial where all was well because I was "needed". I worked very hard to not express any real discontent because I mistakenly thought that my endless tolerance for BS was what made me "likable". So I was terrified to take any action at all because it would lead to being "abandoned". I'm less afraid of myself/ being honest with myself as a direct result of al-anon, and can stand up for myself without fear and that's incredibly liberating.
Thank you Paul for the daily, your service and your ESH! I too had no idea the depth of my fear and/or the way that it controlled almost every facet of my life. That fear for me also manifested in negative reactions and emotions. Only in recovery have I finally accepted how powerless I am and how I am truly never, ever alone so long as I seek a spiritual journey one day at a time.
I also believe my mind still tries to revert back to old patterns as my first line of defense. I use the tool of Pause so very, very often in the hopes of responding spiritually instead of reacting as I did so many times before this journey.
Many years ago, in early recovery (AA), I had been offered two jobs. Both were nice and many things about them were equal. I literally was paralyzed in making a decision. I spoke of it with my sponsor, trusted friends, etc. because I was so afraid of picking the wrong one....I laugh now at the result - but an old-timer looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You are full of fear. Fear of failure, fear of success. Have you even stopped to consider that you are not picking right/wrong or good/bad? You get (privilege of recovery) to select between good and good. There is no wrong answer - turn it over and see what happens."
I had to consider this and prayed that night about it. The next morning, I selected one and was comfortable with my decision. Within a year, the other company (deselected) went bankrupt, filed for reorganization and let many go. This situation helped me to see that more often than not, if I am doing the next right thing, my choices are not bad/good but rather good/good. If I walk with my HP, there are no bad choices. When I leave my will behind, my fear lessons.
Make it a great day!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for the daily. I am learning how to recognize fear, and not to push it away. Denying my fear, in hopes of a more normal life, only results in fearful nightmares-- my HP's way of letting me know not to IGNORE my fears! He is constantly bringing current issues to my consciousness for me to work on.
I like how it is stated in the reminder: Trusting in the god of our understanding, we can navigate life's changes with much less fear, knowing that we will be taken care of.
My HP will take care of me, but I have to face my fears and understand where they are coming from.
Thanks so much for the daily word.
Mahalo Paul and family for your ESHs and wisdom. I appreciate all of the shares about the experiences of how you all "came to" understand more about yourselves, what was happening to you and how and what you discovered to make changes.
There was but one way to discover that Jerry F was being fearful...afraid...in a panic, and that was when he was raging and fighting and in wars. I didn't know and early one didn't know that I didn't know.
It was my very awesome sponsor Don T that woke me up to my emotional process of fear. He would ask me what did I feel before I felt anger and rage and I wouldn't make the connection until discovery after deep inventory and there it was...fear I didn't know I was feeling all the while denying it was there and I wasn't human like others. My ego was covering up any and all "less than items of thought" I was stronger and more brave than others even back to my 6 year old event of my father passing away. I displayed the same behaviors of covering up fear.
Thank God for the program and for your support with ESH. It is okay to be fearful...it is human...it doesn't need to paralyze me. ((((hugs))))
Thank you so much Betty, MissM, IAH, GAgal, and Jerry. I learn so much from your comments, perspectives, and experiences with recovery. It truly is comforting 'knowing we are not alone'; I was so lost, so sad, angry, and done when I got here. It's crazy to see what I have done as a result of mismanaging, or not even recognizing or acknowledging my fear. So grateful to learn their are choices...thanks and love to all
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Welcome to MIP GAGal - so glad that you found us and that you jumped right in and posted! Keep coming back!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks, I figured that responding to daily posts might be a good place to begin. A friend has told me about the meetings near us, and I've been to a few. Reading this forum helps in the time between meetings!
Thanks Paul! As I peel away the layers, my feelings go from anger to sadness to fear. It's a hard feeling to let go of. Sounds weird but I have a fear of letting fear go. Then what's left?
Doesn't sound weird at all Ceelee. It sounds very familiar. I had a sense that if I let go of the fear I might actually cease to exist, it was such a huge part of me.
What actually happened was, the less time I spent hanging on the fear, the more time I had to get to know myself. It got to be a bit of an adventure, getting to know this person I'd lived with all of my life and never taken the time to meet...that probably sounds weird too lol, but it's true
Hi Ceelee, I'm with MissM: totally understand, felt that myself. It makes sense as fear was the inner layer, such a close part of me for so long...fear was a motivator even in peaceful times for me as I used it to prepare for every potential outcome or event. Dropping fear left me feeling vulnerable, unprepared for what 'could' happen.
This is where my practice of meditation and work on a higher power began to really pay off: I could let go of the fear in a safe, comfortable place, and began to gradually increase the seconds, then minutes, where I let fear fade and just "be" for a time, just me and my higher power. Eventually I became more and more comfortable with what was left: the peace I came to recognize as my serenity, as I finally turned everything over.
It took a while, and quite a bit of practice, but that feeling is the most amazing thing I have ever felt...definitely worth it
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Many of my layers worked in close to the same order - often my ending emotion was sadness. I am a visual learner and have an outstanding sponsor so each time she would ask me what my fears were or what I was afraid of, it often resulted in potential loss - of myself, of a relationship, or a qualifier. So my processing often ended in sadness as she told me to grieve the feared item and then let it go.
The good news about sadness - it's easier to treat that anger or fear. So - I was taught then when I felt fear, examine it and process what may happen. We actually went all the way through the process of my son passing away. It was a real possibility with this disease and his progression. While it was difficult and more painful that most processing, what I did realize through the processing - I will have to go on, I will be OK.
I don't know if this makes sense.....it's been a long day and I watched the grand-babies for almost 4 hours today/night. Night time is not my best thinking time to start with and after speaking to a 3 & almost one year old for 4 hours, my brain feels a bit mushy...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Enigmatic that hit home with me. I never used to think of myself as a fearful person, quite the opposite in fact. I am now beginning to have an awareness of how fearful I really am and how trying to control everything gave me a false sense of security that I could somehow influence the outcome. When all my attempts to control the disease in my daughter failed, I was left with no false security at all and my walls started to tumble down. Having faith that my hp has a plan, surrendering my death grip on control of outcomes, daily readers, meditation, shares and most of all surrendering to my higher power have been life savers. It is a daily battle, some days are better then others but I am inching forwards. Thank you for your perspective on fear.
