Courtesy and respecting - Al-Anon Family Group

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Courtesy and respecting

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

LU the best you can do is to tell the people who report what you sister tells them about you, that you will no longer listen to gossip and you do not want to hear any of their stories.

Then you can keep the focus on yourself and take care of your business , no fighting or name calling with sister and any time you need to speak to her, keep your voice low and your words direct without blaming or critiquing. You will feel better

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Betty,it's almost like raising a child,we are like opposites to each other and she harps on that to a lot of how different we are .thank gosh we are diff.we are suppose to be diff.she can be such an imbarressment to my freinds that come to visit with acting out in very rude ways.me and her were raised like twins being only 15 Mths apart in age ,my mom finally told me that she was very jealous of me and always has been she is older than I ,I never remember her being like this,I remember her being fun and loving going places now she isolates and does nothing but her drugs ,she still owes me for her part of living expenses here and now she is broke don't make any sense .she seems to be getting worse and worse acting crazy.im not use to having that behavior in my home.so how does one have courtesy and show respect for someone like her?

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Greetings LookingUp, sending (((((hugs)))))

I recognise my own need to figure things out in your post!

The reason why I needed to behave with courtesy and respect towards my husband was for my own benefit - after all I needed to be someone I liked! I put on an imaginary protective mantle when talking to him - it had sparkly bits that shone as his words bounced off them! Kind of silly to have to resort to such antics, but strangely helpful none the less!

I also imagined how I would react if someone kept telling me what to do - I can be a stubborn person when I feel like someone is trying to tell me how to live my life, even if they are right. That realisation helped me to talk with him in a more grown up way than I had been resorting to.

I know that I have threaded so many unhelpful things into my relationship with AH because of my efforts to try and figure out the whys and whens and what ifs. I have hundreds of examples that I can reel off to no effect! I've tied myself in knots and am having some difficulty unravelling all those thoughts now. Which reminds me of a pretty poem that, in turn, reminds me to pause and keep it simple.

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weavers skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

By the way, I find it easy in this poem to think 'oh, so I just have to cower and tolerate the dark threads?' That doesn't work for me!!! I just try to look for the good bits where I can.

-- Edited by milkwood on Friday 20th of May 2016 06:00:37 AM

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you milk wood for that beautiful poem.((((( milk wood)))))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

LU It may be time to work a 4th step on your relationship with your sister. Letting go of the pain and resentments of the past is a great way to simply deal with the insanity of the present moment. Good Luck

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Betty,I'm just now going into step 3 ,so I'll be at step 4 soon.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.