The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH lives alone in a big house that I moved out of 2 years ago. He has chosen not to pay the mortgage since I left him. I warned him multiple times I was leaving if the drinking didn't stop. So I finally left. He was fired from his job 2 years ago also. Our home is now in foreclosure, it is set to go up for auction this Friday the 20th. He is also being investigated for getting his professional license revoked. We are still going through divorce. Lots of things going on. He has been sober for probably around 6 months or so, hard for me to keep track since I don't live with him. I know he started drinking again because I called the police to do a welfare check on him Monday night around 1230 am. They told me he wasn't threatening to harm himself and he was drinking, but just going to bed for the night. That's it. I thought they would take him to be evaluated at a psych facility because he also has depression. When he drinks like this, he stays in bed for days on end. He isn't working much at all. The house looks like a home you would see on Hoarders. There are 2 dogs I'm worried about. One is very old and dying in the backyard from old age. The other one is an active German Shepard....I don't know if he's letting her out to pee or not. I don't have keys to the house because he changed the locks. I care about him because I know he is ill. I also have a lot of anger about our situation. But things are piling in on him mentally and physically. I'm a nurse so I think that's part of my problem, I want to fix him. How hard is it to get someone taken away 5150?? He won't answer his phone. Voicemail is full. I'm worried. I read online you can get someone take in for chronic alcoholism. He really needs to be monitored in a psych facility. Has anyone ever dealt with this? The alcoholic living in bed for days on end without responding? I talked to him once Monday and he was crying and drunk. I know I'm also supposed to detach, but to what degree? I have a bunch of mixed emotions. We are supposed to go to court tomorrow, I doubt he will show up. That's on him. My dilemma is I was barely even able to decide if I should go to work today. I'm going. But it's difficult. I'm worried and don't know if I should call the police again to see if they will take him away on a 5150. The dogs need to be checked on. I find it hard to believe the only way to get a 5150 is if they threaten harm to themselves or others. Staying in bed and drinking for days on end is harming yourself! Life is a mess right now. I could also call the neighbors. They know the situation and could check on the dogs possibly. Getting ready for work, but feeling unsure I should even go. Help! I'm so conflicted.
Hello NewLife Girl This is a very difficult place to be . I have experienced the pain of such a situation and calling for a welfare check (as you have done) worked for me on several occasions . When he was too drunk to function the police were able to take him to the emergency room,but when he as able to intelligently answer important test questions and refused to go with them-- they left him in the house.
As for keeping him in hospital-- He was never held for more than 48 hours because once he sobered up he was deemed sane and responsible -- no matter how much I said or complained .
I also called the AA hot line number and they sent out a member for a 12 Step call . They succeed in having him agree to go to detox
Being powerless is a painful place to be Please be gentle with yourself ..
Thanks Hotrod. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Will consider what you said. I've also told his brother what's going on. He feels helpless too. The dogs worry me.
Here, if you think animals are being neglected you can have the spca do a welfare check; they will remove them if they arent being cared for properly.
Don't know if they have such a thing there.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Sorry to hear of the situation. I would call
The local animal control to deal with the pets
Or just call and have a wellness check done
and tell Them you think the animals are being
neglected too.
Been there with the wellness check. Had to have that done on my AH last year while I was at work and he threatened (in a round about way) to harm himself. He was so intoxicated that they brought him into the hospital where he stayed the night. After a night in the hospital and a talk with what I assume is a social worker, he was deemed sane and not suicidal. I thought this was surely the wake up call he needed at the time but he checked himself out the next morning, came home and continued to drink. I agree with what others have said about the dogs. I would first focus on this task first.....your HP will guide you with the next step. Sending you prayers.
Yes we have animal control. I can call them. It's all so messed up. My sponsor has helped me today. Maybe I shouldn't help him unless he asks me for help. The dogs need help though. They can't ask me! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers please. Too much going on. Thanks!
I think keep trying to let go NLG. It SUCKS, but in our society, he has the right to commit slow suicide via alcohol. Only consequences might make a difference. Is your daughter (the one you share with him) going to see him? Certainly I think you have enough to get dcf on him if he wants visitation.
Your powerless, its back to step 1. You are powerless over another human being. Your life becomes unmanageable when you concentrate on the behaviour and actions of others. Your ex is living his life his way. Its a hard life to watch but its his. Like Pinkchip says, people have the right to drink themselves to death. Only when he decides hes had enough is when he will make changes in his life but its all in his hands. Not the police or doctors or psychiatrists. I like the suggestions above, maybe contact an AA group and also sort the dogs out but apart from that Live and Let Live.
Your fears around him are yours to work on. I understand, I truly do but hes a grown man who suffers from a terrible disease and I have learned the medicine is in his own hands and only when things get difficult and uncomfortable enough will he decide to change things.
Have you considered that he may be using his disease as a way to keep you invested in his life. Alcoholism is a cunning disease and if he knows your fretting and worrying he still has a hold over you. This could be enough to keep him on this path. Try steeping away completely for a while. When everyone left my ex to his own self pity, he drank and stayed in bed for weeks but noone wet near him and then he got it. He has been sober and in AA for three years now.
He ended up calling 911 and going to the hospital with a blood alcohol level of .24!! The police told me he didn't qualify for a 5150. He asked me to come visit him. I said no. I checked on the dogs and gave them food and water. This will actually help me because we're going to court today and I'm hoping he isn't sober enough to go. I have evidence against him even if he does show up. I was thinking about going to the hospital and talking to a social worker. I've decided not to because it didn't help us before. I will just go about my plans for the day and ignore him. I need to get the divorce finalized. I don't want him using my medical insurance anymore for being drunk!! Thanks for the wisdom everyone.
Great News NLG Trusting HP does work especially when we Let go and Let God. Glad you were able to feed the dogs.
I am sending prayers and many positive thoughts to you today.
((((New Life Girl)))) sad with you going thru this and heard you doing right stuff like working with your sponsors and others. Alcoholism at its most powerful best that also drove me to my knees and the palms of my HP for help and got me freedom "at last". It was I also who could have been taken 5150 without the alcohol. Sending you prayers for all of your concerns.
