The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have heard it mentioned many times, but have never read an explanation of what it is. I'm guessing it is assets you have on your side, i.e. good health, resources, etc... but would love any more enlightenment, suggestions or examples.
I think that codependents are so hard on themselves in general that getting into a step 4 it is easy to focus on everything bad vs remember that just because there are defects those defects were necessary to survive the situation .. what I have found is that after alanon and working the steps those defects do not work for me anymore. It doesn't mean they are all bad. I'm stubborn as all get out .. yes .. when I keep my mind closed and continue to do what I have done I'm hitting a brick wall my stubbornness does not serve me .. however .. understanding that stubbornness can be a form of perseverance .. that's not a bad thing. Without sheer stubbornness I wouldn't have been able to keep on keeping on in the situation that I'm in .. I mean moving to a new state, starting a new job, and literally facing the unknown as I travel this path.
Defects can be assets provided they are used and seen in a different light. Controlling behavior is a definite defect .. I'm not sure that I see that as an asset because it has caused me a great deal of my own personal pain .. so what is the opposite of controlling .. acceptance (maybe) as I grow within the program I am more accepting of others .. I am very careful as to whom I share myself with in that regard.
So that's why character assets are so important, .. they are a reminder that everything that I'm made up of is not all shameful (my perception) and it's a great practice in self forgiveness. Which to me I have to forgive myself before I can forgive others.
It's kind of the analogy too of you do 90% right and people focus on the other 10% wrong .. lol .. I'm sure not perfect .. I find myself a whole lot more tolerant of myself and others.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Ocean Pine you are correct an asset list is simply a list of our positive traits that can be termed assets as we rebuild our lives. Often after living in the shadow of the disease of alcoholism, we have made ourselves, and our needs invisible so as to keep the peace.
Entering alanon we are asked to keep the focus on ourselves. One way to do so is to uncover all the hidden assets that we buried from sight over the years. Since, when working the Steps and uncovering our defects, these assets will help us to feel positive about ourselves and therefore have a foundation to rebuild our self esteem and self worth.
My first attempt I could only think of a few but after practice my list has grown Here are a few you can consider : Kind, compassionate, generous, intelligent, healthy , determined, creative, fun loving, goal oriented , and you can add to the list. I do one each day
I think that some defects can be positive assets taken too far. For example, responsibility is a good asset, but if I take over others' responsibilities, it is controlling something that is not mine and actually robs someone else of the opportunity to be responsible. Another example is looking toward the future. Because I am aware that there could be a fire, I have a fire extinguisher and smoke alarms in the house. Those are sensible precautions because I am aware of negative things that can happen. But if I worry every day about about fire and lose sleep over it, then that is anxiety which is not productive.
An asset of mine is that I am very tolerant. I love everybody and can tolerate some things that others think are strange. I love diversity. The fact that we are all different is wonderful. But that very same tolerance made me tolerate some bad behavior in my life that ultimately made my life very unhappy. I had to think about it for awhile to determine what is "good" tolerance and what is "bad" tolerance. I don't let things go on around me that I don't agree with anymore. I can't stand to be around people that are drunk or drugged and I don't appreciate their different-ness. They now repel me.
No one who enters the program is all and perfectly dysfunctional. The dysfunctions become louder and more pronounced because we are not in our "right" mind. The disease is one in the mind, body, spirit and emotions so considering that swarm of problems we rarely can understand our assets and since lots of stuff is coming out crooked we realize we are not using good tools though we have them and they are called assets. We build a list of these assets and hold it near so that we can use these tools rather than grabbing on to the wrong ones. Compassion and empathy, listening, loyalty, supporting and the others in this same light are assets when we use them to do good healthy stuff for ourselves and others. Great question post. ((((hugs))))
