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Hello, this is my first post here. My husband (retired) is an alcoholic and physically addicted. He had ascities and a shunt "installed" in his liver a few years ago. He is still currently drinking. It doesn't take much for me to know he is drinking, because I smell it on him and his speech & brain are slowed down and blurred. I have talked with him a couple times of my concerns, that drinking alone is not good and that I don't want to lose him. He always responds I know, I'll cut down or stop, etc etc.
So he was hiding vodka and slipping it into his beverages. We talked about this as I told him I knew about the hiding. That stopped for a bit and now he is doing it again. I try to ask him without him getting defensive if he's had a little hooch today? and he flat out denies it and becomes defensive. I have a bad attitude towards him when I know he's "had a couple" because I feel betrayed that he lies now. I know I shouldn't. His hands shake when he tries to slow down on the drinking - I know and he knows he is physically addicted.
Here's my struggle; I want to talk with him to see if he would ever consider detoxing at a facility EVER. I continually worry everyday that we do not have a future and he won't be around. He talks about plans on going places after I retire and it's very difficult to be enthusiastic or get excited about it.
If it's not a good idea to talk detox...Shouldn't I at least have the right to voice my feelings with him?
Welcome to MIP Worried Wife - glad you found us and glad you joined.
I am sorry for that which brings you here. The disease of alcoholism is aggressive, progressive and never cured, but arrested through recovery. While you can certainly suggest anything to your husband, his chances for recovery and abstinence are much better if he chooses a different path than the one he's on.
My experience is that we can't 'love' them to recovery, nor beg, nor please, nor cry, nor ... They truly have to want it.
Alcoholism is considered a family disease as it also affects the lives of those who love an alcoholic or live with them. Our recovery program is Al-Anon and you would find all kinds of support and like minded members if you can find/attend local meetings.
To answer your question directly, I am a huge fan of medically monitored detox for anybody who has a physical dependency. It just is a safer choice and if there are any major issues with the detox, it can be addressed as it comes up.
Glad you are here - we welcome you with open arms! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome, glad you found us and hope you'll keep coming back. If you haven't experienced an in person Alanon meeting. Alanon meeting are filled with understanding members, hope and recovery.
You have a right to express your concern to your husband and your desire for him to seek professional help. There's hope for anyone at any age to get sober and stay sober.
Maybe others will have more insight for you concerning this. But anyway, please remember your own well-being and take good care of yourself. I hope you'll keep coming back to share and perhaps find that Alanon is a good program for you. ((hugs)) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Tuesday 24th of November 2015 10:12:57 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hi Worried Wife Welcome I can understand your concern . With your husband's recent surgery,I see no problem with your suggesting that he consult his Doctor about his drinking and explore the possibility of a inpatient rehab. Keep in mind that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that can be arrested but never curd. We are powerless over this disease as we did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. AA is the recovery program for the person who drinks and alanon is the program for family members who also need a program of recovery of their own.
Face to face alanon meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages. Here I was given new tools to live by so that I could keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, trust a Higher Power and most importantly validate my need to live with courage, serenity and wisdom. There is hope Please keep coming back as Life is too short to live without dreams.
