The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im a grateful member of alanon and Ive recently came to another realisation. learning that ive been affected by alcoholism has allowed me to look at the symptoms within myself. The anger, resentment, controlling, manipulating, victim, martyr type symptoms. Ive been thinking about when this started for me and it wasnt when i met and married an alcoholic. It was before that. I was brought up in a home with no active drinking but by a family already damaged by alcoholism. When i look at my mother and her siblings its there too. im not sure how many generations the disease goes back.
So, by the time i was grown up and met my ex ah i was already sick and thats why i was attracted to him like a magnet. Then the disease made us sicker together and infected my own family. I am in recovery, not, as i originally thought, all because of my ex. Its been a disease i was born into.
Ive gained another level of freedom because of this because i see my ex ah as more of an equal, someone who is the same as me, with the same disease. I have little resentment for him now, i have compassion for him and myself even more now. I can forgive myself and him and feel even more empathy for those of us affected. Thanks alanon and thanks for reading.x
Great share LC, I can so identify. I too am grateful member of Al-Anon and also came to the same realization as you have. I so appreciate the Al-Anon tools that allowed me to slowly but surely, examine my own self and discover the truth.
Keeping the focus on myself, examining my motives, eliminating judgment, blame and criticism all allowed me to finally see and accept the truth about my inner drivers and what I could do to a improve my life. It is an inside job and changed attitudes certainly do approve recovery.
Thanks for sharing the journey and for your wisdom
Wonderful share!
So much of that rings true for me, too, and I am thankful for AlAnon every day.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
((((El Cee)))) My sponsor use to ask me after I had growth spurts like you are having now...."Now what"? "What do you do with it"? and I came to understand what he was leading me to was the subject of Al-Anon relapse....learning without doing and then we moved on to "The opposites" learning how to behave in the opposite of what I had been before the realization. Such a remarkable journey and awareness. I can actually behave willingly in a way that is opposite to how I was that got me in trouble. I love this share...it is affirming. ((((hugs))))
Great awareness and very hopeful share! I too am grateful each and every day for Alanon and can also relate to much of what you've written.
I really have to focus on the program and the steps with the front thought of what would my HP do? The program and steps for me assist with replacing those older tapes with newer tapes that tell me I am worthy, I am loved, I am not alone, it will be OK!
Thanks so much for your aha moment sharing!
Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I continue to look at the ways that generational alcoholism has impacted my life. As I have mentioned elsewhere here, my dad is dying and can't speak. I am going to spend a couple of weeks with him and mom at the end of the summer. I intend to do meetings here and F2F there every day -- I feel it will be a last opportunity to mine these issues "in situ." It may be hard, but I am determined to do all I can to heal and move on.
Hugs to you!
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Peace comes from within. Do not seek it from without. Buddha
