should I just move? - Al-Anon Family Group

zebrafish · Member

should I just move?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Zebrafish This does sound like a difficult situation I know that moving is not easy and do understand that what you are attempting to do is extremely admirable and difficult as well.

Al-Anon suggests that we learn from experience and I do believe that your first experience may have been painful, but there may be lessons to be learned.

I do believe that developing a supportive basis from within the housing group would be very helpful before you opened up the meeting to the rest of the tenants. Inviting the police to attend as well as any other community resource available,would also help to diverge the responsibility for this entire enterprise from you on to a number of people.

I would pray about it and try to form a meeting, such as an Al-Anon meeting where everyone is entitled to share their thoughts and a vote is taken on the decision would probably be a great way to work.

Good luck

Skorpi · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh, what a hard situation.

I own a condo, and am part of a condo association, but it is really smoke screen for the property developer who holds the majority of properties. He humors us, as long as we don't get out of hand without our demands. I moved out because I couldn't have my beloved Griffin (My pup - a border collie, blue healer mix, who has since crossed the rainbow bridge at a very young age) because dogs had been banned since the developer's german shephard nearly killed another dog on site. (No, the developer and his dog didn't live there, so why their bad behavior should dictate anything for the rest of us...)

For me, the best option was to keep owning the condo because the housing market was and is terrible, but to rent it out to other people to cover my costs. This way, I could keep my dog, and not lose the property investment I made. The neighborhood I bought into is always almost ok, and always almost the ghetto. No real easy answers, are there?

Some folks a few years ago were working to establish a farmer's market. Did I love the idea? yes. Did I want to have easy access to farm grown food? yes. Was I afraid a drive-by shooting would occur at the farmer's market? Yes. I decided not to make commitments to that market, as it was as far away from me as another, fully safe market. At the same time, a friend of mine who lived in the neighborhood asked me if I wanted to be part of the problem or part of the solution. Difficult choice. I'd probably still be there if I had been able to keep my dog and live there, lol! I love that condo. I remodeled the whole thing myself. I love the neighborhood. I could actually easily afford to live there. It was on a direct bus line and a bike path. The developer's son-in-law (who got to manage the thing) and I REALLY didn't get along.

I think it would be best to pray or meditate over the issue. Figure out for yourself what you can and cannot deal with. (For me, the deal breaker was the dog.) Talk to someone about the financial aspect of things. And then, pray or meditate a bit more. The right answer will come to you. You will know what to do when the time is right.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I live in low income apartments, because this is where I can afford to live while being a single Mom and going to college raising my kids. We have drugs addicts, alcoholics and all sorts around here and it does get to me at times. But we also have good people and a great playground with plenty of kids for my little one. This is my current home and it works for now. If I did not feel safe, granted I have a dog and hand guns in a gun safe here it wouldn't work for me. In the Summer months they party and it gets busier and I have learned to call the police at those times and have them visit the parking lot, that is usually enough to make them scatter for the night. My one neighbor is my friend and she gets mad at me sometimes, but I told her this is where I have to live until I am done with school and will not put up with things that make me feel uncomfortable in my home or make me lose sleep when I have to get up early and be productive. She understand my boundaries, but loves these kids partying with her, they throw their cigarette butts all over my yard and leave beer cans around my apartment. I tell her I will report it if it doesn't get cleaned up and she cleans it up. I don't put up with it, and since finding al-anon have decided to live my life on my terms no matter where I live. I do have the police support, they never balk when I call, they run right over, it's not that often and the apartment manager backs me up also. They don't want riff raff around here and kick people out when things go badly, like arrests or criminal activity. You have to decide what you can live with and make it work for you. Safety is number one for me, because I have girls that I need to protect. My dog goes berserk if anyone is even outside my door and it keeps certain people away, she is friendly to my friends when they come inside. If anyone was ever to break into my house my 17 year old and I each have a hand gun and know how to use them, we have taken hand gun safety courses and after being raped at a young age it is a necessity for me. I hope some of my ramblings help, this is what works for me as of now. Sending you much love and support!

zebrafish · Member

Thanks everyone!

I'm feeling a bit better now, but I still don't want any more verbal abuse from people. we did have the police at the meeting, and the owner of the security company.
But so far I'm the one to let people know when meeting will be and etc., and I'm finding that they tend to be judgmental and suspicious.

I did some research, and found that we should have all met together before even asking the police to come and train us. This might have helped
us to develop some sense of mutual trust and etc. So I mentioned to the lady from crime prevention services that we could really use
some work on developing a sense of unity, and asked what could do to start working on something together.

She said she wants to keep the next meeting simple, and not add in too many topics. So ok, but I do not deal well with verbal abuse.

zebrafish · Member

Update: It seems the police are indeed working on the problem. But the people in the neighborhood watch are dropping like flies.
I'm feeling like the problem is my talking about the drug dealers. The police believe me, and even the people across the street
took note of the drug deals going on at the back gate. The maintenance man / site manager also knows what's going on, and
even added his own unofficial testimony which I passed along to to the police.

They don't know me, but I don't know them either, and maybe my mistake is in assuming that they would all be supportive.
And without being supportive to each other, it's not going to work.

The last meeting went ok, but the crime prevention officer still doesn't realize there's a problem. Lots of people dropped
out, some new ones came, and I don't even know who invited them. The meeting was supposed to be invitation only
on the 2nd round. They could even be drug customers - there are lots of those around here.

It's hard to not talk about the drug dealers, because lots of people have already seen some of the activity
and evidence. And then if I talk about it, I get looks of suspicion. Just because I know about it, because
its happening right in my own building, does not mean I'm making it all up!

The woman who bullied me, then got a wake-up call in the form of graffiti painted on a wall near her apartment,
and called me. Then she started playing more phone tag games. I just dropped her with no comment.

I just wish I could have got help from the police without having to go to these lengths, but I didn't.

@hotrod: The HOA is basically a bad bunch. They've been investigated by the local news many times.
I have the HOA rule book now (the CC%R's), but before they would never even answer my questions
about the rules,such as rules aobut loitering or noise. They would simply ignore it. So theh idea of getting
much support from the HOA, is unlikely. That said, the crime prevention officer is now in the process of
contacting them and the security company they hired for this property, to get them all on board.

I hope that works out, don't know about it. And now I find out I'm supposed to be cheerful in the face of adversity, to make a go of this thing!

I seriously doubt I can do it.......

-- Edited by zebrafish on Tuesday 12th of May 2015 10:23:40 PM

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