The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I got a phone call from the guy who was my best friend many years ago, he was even the best man in my wedding. I have seen him once in the last ten years at class reunion event and he was so drunk he was going from angry and belligerent one second to crying the next. He was one of the guys I was running around with back when I stopped drinking 32 years ago so he knew me at my worst, but was also drinking right there with me.
After years and years of alcoholism he has decided to sober up and called me to be his sponsor. First of I don't even know what a sponsor does, I never attended a single AA meeting when I stopped drinking. I encouraged him to go to AA but he doesn't feel he needs to, he want's to quite the same way I did. I don't feel I have the tools to help him, and to be totally honest I hate alcohol so much I don't want it in my life in any form, even to help out an old friend. I didn't really give him any kind of commitment other than if he needs to talk once in a while he could call me.
The more I think about this scenario the more I hate the thought of being drug into it, just another drunk screwing up my life. But....I would love to see him get sober, and I have helped some others in the past and he knows that.
Any thoughts on this? Most of you on this site have had alcohol scar your life, would you ever consider being a sponsor for an alcoholic?
Hi Cooper I do understand. you do sound like a good friend so---. Now that you are familiar with the 12 Step principles, I would tell him that I do not have the right tools to help him as I am in a difficult time right now but I would offer to take him to a few AA meetings, introduce him to people and then let them guide him
You are a rarity in terms of being able to quit without AA (and now there are some other programs out there too). I feel like in order to sponsor someone, you need the whole program behind you and you need your own sponsor as well. I think it is highly likely this guys is going through one of many phases of trying to "go on the wagon" before finally realizing he needs AA. That is what happened to me. I tried every way I could think of to stop before going to AA. So yes, it is more than likely he can't stop just like you did and you will get dragged into a mess.
It is more than likely when I take on a sponsee in AA (a newcomer) that they will relapse even, but I have tons of support within AA to help me with that so it is okay.
I like what Pink had to say about sponsorship, even for Alanon to effectively guide someone else I must have a sponsor and be working the steps, traditions and concepts that I'm talking about PLUS I have the opportunity to learn new ways of looking at things within my own program. In AA my understanding and I could be wrong, at least at the Open I attend, you can't chair a meeting unless you have 6 months of continuous sobriety going on. There are other ways to get sober and it's hard enough to stay sober, I just know the hard fast rule I can't fix my own broken thinking with my own broken mind. If I'm not attending meetings, working with my sponsor, as well as steps and traditions I really have no business sponsoring someone else. Suggesting they attend AA and seek help there I don't think there is anything wrong with that and going to an open meeting as a support person with them that first time around I don't think is inappropriate either. You don't have to say anything about yourself you can just say I'm here as a support person.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I guess since you've never attended an AA meeting and he hasn't either, maybe his use of the word "sponsor" just a term he's heard so he used it to express that he's seeking your support. This program.. the Alanon program teaches us that we have a right to say no and aren't obliged to offer an explanation. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
This is the OP, thanks for the supportive words. To clarify one thing my old friend did attend some AA meetings after his second DUI, it sounded like it was part of a court order. He told me it was all about God and that's not what he wants. I told him he should attend different meetings until he finds a group he thinks fits. I did that with AlAnon, there are two groups that meet close to me and I found one group I just didn't get anything out of.
I was very adamant about telling him I couldn't be available all the time, and I strongly voiced how much I hate alcohol and have little tolerance for the drama it causes. I know I have the power to say no to him, but the entire scenario caught me a bit off guard. I'm glad I have a place to come share my thoughts, thank you.
