I am thankful today is over - Al-Anon Family Group

hdftby100 · Senior Member

I am thankful today is over

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

One day at a time and Al-Anon, too, can help the painful memories of the past become something that happened once upon a time and positive holiday experiences your new reality.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Ultimatums rarely lasted in my home, but I kept trying, thinking "maybe this time he will stop". I learned (slowly, though smile ). I also learned that it was really recovery I needed and wanted from my spouse and for me to remain in a relationship with him and not just the cessation of the substance/alcohol usage. Without the substances, there was still the behaviors I did not like. Al anon really helped me to get clear on what I would and would not tolerate and how to best set boundaries that worked best for me. Take good care of you...

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Hdftby, I am so sorry you were not able to enjoy your Thanksgiving. Boundaries are good as long as you stand by them. Before Al-Anon, I tried every threat imaginable. They were my way of trying to control ah's drinking. I now know forcing him into a recovery program would probably be fruitless. Remember alcoholics don't choose to drink. They drink because they have to drink. The disease has control of their bodies and brains, and the disease will not let go of its hold easily. When I began attending Al-Anon meetings regularly, I slowly began to change. Al-Anon taught me how to give my ah to God and focus on me. I liked what you said about taking today for what it is, just one day. However, why worry about tomorrow? Let go and let God take care of you ah, and why not just for today, focus on you? Take care of you and be kind and gentle with yourself.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I do know how very hard it is to live with an A. It is your choice to not want to live with someone who drinks.

Ultimatums do not work. And I can almost guarentee she will drink again. She is an A, that is what they do. They cannot just quit for you. Does not work that way.They don't have much control to when they can work on getting into sobriety. It is a coming together of many things for the addict. spiritually, physically, mentally,emotionally, etc.

We either learn skills so we can live with them as is, we leave it the same or we leave. there is no well you do this my way or I am outa here. They have integrity too, and have the right to handle their disease in their own way.

It is NOT personal, she is sick. I can also share my experience that you have NO Idea if the addict is drinking or not. It is just not possible. The whole point of Al Anon is for us. We decide if we want to help ourselves to live with an A the best way we can or not.

We don't have a right to ask anyone to change.

My choice was to love him no matter what. I learned to accept him for who he was and was blessed to have some more time with him before he got too violent to live with His using was his problem not mine. I loved him and just wanted his presents as long as I could have it.

Have you read Getting Them Sober? Toby rice drew volume one. hugs

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.