The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He has lost many phones and wallets over the years..I used to get so upset. Today I don't care. It is not my problem if he needs to spend money to buy a new one. It is so good to be free!
By this time, next Sunday, this home will be all mine and I will probably be back to my bedroom if I manage to clean it and get rid of the smell. I am not quite believing it yet and sometimes I even feel guilty that he has to leave the family home. I feel guilty having all the space for myself, the whole bed, more drawers and wardrobe space and I even feel guilty of having peace and calm whilst he is in turmoil.
But when he is acting like tonight, I sure go back to survival mode.
Thanks for listening.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
Sister...I once saw a bumper sticker on a car ahead of me as I drove an on ramp to the highway and I had to look twice to get it because it was the word "Guilt" with a large screw driven into it and the words "Screw Guilt". I thought about the sticker for about half a mile until I realized that it meant "don't even bother with it" and that the owner of the car most likely was an AA member. Today I love that suggestion still cause feeling guilty is a waste of time and if it really is justified I do a 10th step on it. ..."and when I was wrong promptly admitted it". I don't do guilt very well anymore mainly because I don't like toxic negative feelings much anymore...they are not fun. ((((hugs))))
The way I see it, hes getting some much needed consequences, perfectly natural effects from our behaviour that we all get. It will do him good and hes not homeless. Also, it becomes a him or you situation. Somethings got to give, it could have been your health. Your not punishing him, your saving yourself and your daughter from a destructive disease, now maybe hes got a better chance to fight it too.
He found his phone. It was at work in his locker. He called me (because he wanted to talk to daughter) from work yesterday and I had a feeling he was already drinking. It was around 3.30pm and he was at work because he called from the work's phone. So he left his phone in his locker and didn't even remember it.
He called his mom in the middle of the 3 hours long phone drama to tell her how someone stole it from his pocket...how things couldn't get worse, how he hated himself, how he wanted to kill himself and daughter was the only person keeping him alive. I don't know what his mum thinks of it, if she takes it seriously, if she even realises this behaviour isn't normal...but at least I heard that her and his dad are coming early on Sunday morning to help him move. Yey!
The lady from the Youth Mental Health service called me to discuss the appointment for tomorrow and I told her about his threats of killing herself and telling daughter that she is the only one who is keeping him alive. The lady is shocked and will contact social services on my behalf and see what help and support would be available to me and daughter regarding visitation once he moves out and. They will probably also offer support for him and I really hope he accepts it so his relationship with daughter won't be affected.
So tonight he is dry, just behaving normally, no drama, no anger. The disease is so baffling. Seeing him yesterday and today is like complete different people. It is like split personality.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
