Trying to let go/let god - Al-Anon Family Group

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Trying to let go/let god

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers for courage and wisdom never go unanswered M I will hold you in my prayers,

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

There was a gal in my life who showed me more than once that she didn't have my best interest at heart, yet I would continue to share things about myself with her and I would continue to be generous towards her when she was stingy and backstabbing towards me. I guess there was a part of me that just couldn't believe she was totally self-centered and didn't give a hoot about how her actions affected me. In fact, she felt justified. I kept giving her the ammunition she used to shoot me. Then, one day I didn't anymore and I surprised her. She was used to getting her way with me. She was used to doing anything she wanted to do no matter how much it hurt me. When I realized how I was volunteering to be her victim, I walked away without talking about it. I made changes that benefitted me without getting revenge on her. I moved on. There is a saying that I go by now: "If somebody hands you a nickel, don't give them a dime." (((M)))

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you both for your wisdom. I just need more courage, it goes
Against my grain and very being to be nasty. I know i have been
Programed by my mother to take abuse. She is highly dysfunctional
(Narcisstist) and she still continues down her path even after her 20
years of alanon. My ah is a prince compared to her.

My dry ah and i Did have 18 good years together. We travelled,worked
to build our life Together, he cared when i was hurt, we lived a very good
life together.In spite of his being a dry a. I also accepted we were both
Dysfunctional but we seemed to work thru it.

Then our life changed and so did he For the worse. He got very controlling
and wanted to take my power away from me. It has been a horrible 11 years
with him.i wish now i left then and not Waited this long. I had eternal hope
he would smarten up and see the Light. It did not happen it only got much
worse.

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi,

a few things jumped out of your post for me.

Firstly you say you may try praying.

I have been separated for 3 months my partner he is drinking again. The loss hurts the main thing that is helping me is my relationship with my higher power, this connection is the most important relationship in my life. My friends in al anon are a great support but Hp is the one who fills me up from the inside fills that hole and numbs the pain.

|my mother taught me to stay in relationships and work at them she modelled co-dependency and unhealthy self care but today I am changing my belief system due to recovery. Today the next most important relationship for me after HP is my relationship with myself, this is hard for me but my sponsor role models healthy self care and I am practicing.

I think most al anoners are too nice for their own good you do not want to be nasty that is good but you do have a responsibility to take care of your self.

I tend to see the good in others and make excuses for them this has caused me many problems. Today I like to live in reality and look at the facts.

At the moment I am going to lots of meetings, reading, working the steps , I reach out by phone and come on here. I can trust people in recovery sometimes I can not trust my dysfunctional head. It works if you works it I hope you can put the focus on your relationship with HP and your recovery then miracles happen.

hugs tracy xxx

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I do have a hp i can feel him besides me guiding me, sometimes in me.
But i dont normally pray or even have any prayer books.
i really have a very unsettled mind, i am on edge, stressed,
traumatized, i feel like i could fold at any minute. My emotions
And feeling have been extreme. I cry a lot per day. I am really just
Trying to hold it together. The last 3 years with my ah have been
Bad emotionally.

I really am not focusing well, its all i can do to get thru my day.
I dont have much patience with my clients. I keep hoping this will
Pass when i get divorced in february and i go no contact with ah.
He is on and around the property constantly. He does not come
In the home when i am there but after i leave he does. He is
Allowed to, it is his home also. I can not stop him. His business
Is on the property. He will not face me unless he really has too.

I do reach out i have a good network of support but as i said
I struggle and i work too much. I do as much self care as possible.
I am doing the best i can. Talked to my sponsor the other day
She has her own stuff going on. I read often on here iften, sometimes
Post. I have a friend on here we message daily sometimes much
More than that. Helping each other thru the bad times not judging
Each other for sticking it out with our ah.

I wish i could get my serenity back, i left ah to his own devises and
Went about my business taking care of me. Then he told me he
Wanted a divorce in july. My Hard earned serenity was lost totally.
I need to get it back.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.