Supporting my cousin? - Al-Anon Family Group

Luz2014 · Newbie

Supporting my cousin?

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I know how you feel. Myself I would say nothing about her situation, none of my business.
As you shared she has asked you for nothing.

I find it better to just contact and say I have missed you, what are you up to? Or I just called to tell ya I love you. To mention anything about her personal life will turn her off. She knows where she is.

We can do nothing to help, nothing. What we can do is look at our reason for wanting to communicate. Is it for her or you?

I used to send my ex ah a note once in awhile just to say hi and share a few things about our animals. I found out later he just threw them away unopened.

If we stick to loving them, not questioning or giving unasked for advice, they may feel better that you contacted.

Also believe me they know how sad they are. Plus if we get too into it, they could manipulate us and then we are in trouble!

hugs!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Luz I must agree with Debilyn. Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal, disease over which we are powerless. AA is the most recognized recovery program for the alcoholic and alanon is the recovery program for those who love an alcoholic.

I understand your concern and would like to suggest that you search out alanon meetings and attend. It is here that I found the solution to many of my fears and anxieties.

Learning that I was powerless over others and that I must be responsible for my own happiness, well being, feelings and life while being compassionate and supportive of others was a huge undertaking and one I am still practicing.

You can pick up alanon literature at alanon meetings and if you like you can attend AA open meetings and pick up some informational booklets. Then, whenever she asks or you see the real need you could approach the subject and present a possible solution.
Keep coming back You are not alone

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

It must be so troubling and sad to see her go through this.

You probably know the Three C's: We didn't Cause it, we can't Cure it, we can't Control it.

The thing is that she knows she's in a mess. It's like telling a tall person they're tall or a bald person they're bald or a French person they're French. They already know.

If she's like other alcoholics, she's in denial. That's not not knowing. It's a crazy way of refusing to face the truth. Just flat out refusing. Because the alcohol distorts their judgment and wants what it wants. If we could disrupt this process, there'd be no more alcoholics in the world.

I wonder if this is the time to find a meeting for yourself? If your cousin is going to be around a lot more, you'll need extra tools to help you stay healthy and keep perspective in the face of the chaos that alcoholism brings with it. The fellowship can be a wonderful source of support too.

Luz2014 · Newbie

Thanks for the thoughts...and the reminder that she knows. There have been times I've asked little questions, and she either changes the subject or flat out doesn't answer. So I know, I know, it's not my job. We do talk often enough, at least once a week, and I'm glad for that. It is troubling. We spent our whole childhood together, she was like a sister to me, and always a good confidante. I met my partner because of her. So yeah, sad.

And yes, I have thought about going to a meeting. I know where there are some around here. It is so hard for me to make time for anything else in my life right now, with work and my family and taking care of myself, too...but it's not impossible, so thanks for the reminder of that, too.

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